jusarrived Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 If one wants a wife to stay at home ...don't go about looking for a working girl and convince her to change her mind. Look for a girl who doesn't want to be a career girl.(I am one of those...happy to be a stay at home mom...there are enough out there.) If one wants to marry a girl who wears traditional clothes at home because it is not right for them to wear western clothes in front of in laws....then look for traditional girls....don't look for girl's who look hot enough to show to friends....and then change her. Be real...not a hypocrite. Same with everything else. Want a virgin...stay a virgin. want a working wife...be ready to chip in with house work. P.S...why do men get to wear non traditional clothes in front of one and all ?Why the hypocrisy? Pretty much every guy I knew wanted a working wife , they got one ..or at least seemed like they got one . if given a choice most women happily quit and stay at home . This "Career girl" you talk about is not even 1% of the population . So the chances of men forcing women to stay at home is even less . To dress modestly when you face your family is wrong ? The degree of modesty could be different in different familes .
Tiger80 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 What if any woman want's money in exchange of sex?Will feminists support prostitution?As far as I know majority of feminists don't support prostitution and in countries like Sweden they have put law that anybody found buying sex will punished . In other words my body , my choice as long as it is dictated by feminists
sensible-indian Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 See, the thing I don't like about this is one human being imposing his views on another. 100% the guy will not like it if the women dictates how he dresses or whether he works or not. In the name of tradition you cannot kill off the potential of another human being. It is not ok in my book and is borderline oppression Think of it this way. You are an adult human being with your ambitions. Will you let go of everything just to marry someone, kill all your potential and just stay at home? Also, human beings change their minds a lot. Have you ever thought of changing your entire career? I am doing that currently. Now imagine you said yes to staying at home and in 10 years you are fed up with life. You are highly intelligent and have immense potential. All this is just killed of in the name of tradition IMO, no human being should have such kind of right. See bud.....there is called logic and there is called understanding human emotions to make life more peaceful for all. Let's apply brutal logic on every scenario and see. Of course, it will look stretched but its intentional. 1. A wife cheating on her husband is 100% fine. Why? Cos she feels her husband doesn't satisfy her or she wants to have fun with other guys. Now her husband is free to file a divorce and use her infidelity as grounds for it. What's wrong in cheating? Did a wife sign a contract paper saying she won't cheat? She just signed a paper (marriage registration) saying if she cheats that could be used by her husband as a ground for divorce. By logic, cheating is 100% fine. You may say morally its wrong but a wife might feel....her needs are not met or after marriage, she finds new needs and she has acted upon them. Now she isn't going to lie about it and her husband is 100% justified to take a legal action. Who the hell is he to say she shouldn't cheat? 2. A housewife doesn't want to cook cos she has found it boring after marriage. Its her choice. Let the husband come back from work and do the cooking if he wants or we can have the restaurant option. People are not machines to keep cooking for their husband and work all day in their home. People can get bored and if someone feels they will cook only when they want to, what's wrong in it? 3. Wife doesn't want to even go to her in laws place cos she doesn't find them pleasant. Now what is wrong in this? She refuses to go with them. Her kids are too small and won't go without their mom. She has done nothing wrong legally. Her husband is fit to take any legal action as he pleases. Are these OTT forced examples? Absolutely. Are these illogical examples? No. They are legally and logically correct even if morally they aren't. Now here's the thing: Living a life, making a marriage work, sharing a special bond with someone is NOT about being legally right and doing only those stuff you love. Its a compromise. A family works because of different roles played by different members (nothing wrong in females going for a job by the way). To make it work, you have consider what would lead to a harmonious life. Its not about what is right, what is one's share and stuff. Its about what both are comfortable with (important point) and what needs to be done to live a happy life. If a female has a change of thought (about work) after marriage, it can be discussed. There is no right or wrong approach there. As I said, setting expectations (applies to both parties) and making things clear before marriage sets you up in the best possible way. Its not 100% foolproof.
Raghav_12 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 It goes both ways. Man often accuses women of having affairs' date=' not being able to bear children, erc[/quote'] lol.. what two things you are comparing? A very significant number of man go to jail or police custody or trauma of facing criminal prosecution in process of divorce and you compare that with accusations of having affair. Go, face some criminal charges, spend some time in police custody and then compare these two things as comparable. I can't imagine how detached people are from reality.
jusarrived Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 See bud.....there is called logic and there is called understanding human emotions to make life more peaceful for all. Let's apply brutal logic on every scenario and see. Of course, it will look stretched but its intentional. 1. A wife cheating on her husband is 100% fine. Why? Cos she feels her husband doesn't satisfy her or she wants to have fun with other guys. Now her husband is free to file a divorce and use her infidelity as grounds for it. What's wrong in cheating? Did a wife sign a contract paper saying she won't cheat? She just signed a paper (marriage registration) saying if she cheats that could be used by her husband as a ground for divorce. By logic, cheating is 100% fine. You may say morally its wrong but a wife might feel....her needs are not met or after marriage, she finds new needs and she has acted upon them. Now she isn't going to lie about it and her husband is 100% justified to take a legal action. Who the hell is he to say she shouldn't cheat? 2. A housewife doesn't want to cook cos she has found it boring after marriage. Its her choice. Let the husband come back from work and do the cooking if he wants or we can have the restaurant option. People are not machines to keep cooking for their husband and work all day in their home. People can get bored and if someone feels they will cook only when they want to, what's wrong in it? 3. Wife doesn't want to even go to her in laws place cos she doesn't find them pleasant. Now what is wrong in this? She refuses to go with them. Her kids are too small and won't go without their mom. She has done nothing wrong legally. Her husband is fit to take any legal action as he pleases. Are these OTT forced examples? Absolutely. Are these illogical examples? No. They are legally and logically correct even if morally they aren't. Now here's the thing: Living a life, making a marriage work, sharing a special bond with someone is NOT about being legally right and doing stuff you love to it. Its a compromise. A family works because of different roles played by different members (nothing wrong in females going for a job by the way). To make it work, you have to consider what everyone feels comfortable with. Its not about what is right, what is one's share and stuff. Its about what both are comfortable with (important point) and what needs to be done to live a happy life. If a female has a change of thought (about work) after marriage, it can be discussed. There is no right or wrong approach there. As I said, setting expectations (applies to both parties) and making things clear sets you up in the best possible way. Its not 100% foolproof. +100000 When your married you do tell things to each others , its not just women , men compromise in a lot of ways too . you have to be open & tell when you dont agree . Thats important for a healty relationship .
beetle Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Pretty much every guy I knew wanted a working wife , they got one ..or at least seemed like they got one . if given a choice most women happily quit and stay at home . This "Career girl" you talk about is not even 1% of the population . So the chances of men forcing women to stay at home is even less . To dress modestly when you face your family is wrong ? The degree of modesty could be different in different familes . Then accept the working woman as an equal in all respect.Share all jobs. As for dressing....why can't daughter and daughter in law dress the same way? What is modest for the daughter should be modest for daughter in law too. Will the man also make the same concessions for the girl's parents? Dress like a gentleman at home? What about joint families? Does that mean the daughter in laws has to stay modest all times. What if she wants to be the hot sexy wife?What if she wants to dress up in western clothes ?
Raghav_12 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 It can be grounds for divorce. There have been cases when the husband did not even go to the wife and then claimed she was sterile Stop making up things. Hindu Marriage Act clearly defines the grounds for divorce and not being able to bear child is not one of them. See below. And you know many such cases?.. lol..care to list some here? The way your imaginations become facts is really astounding. http://indiankanoon.org/doc/932494/ Section 13(1) in The Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 (1) Any marriage solemnised, whether before or after the commencement of this Act, may, on a petition presented by either the husband or the wife, be dissolved by a decree of divorce on the ground that the other party— 16 [(i) has, after the solemnisation of the marriage, had voluntary sexual intercourse with any person other than his or her spouse; or] 16 [(ia) has, after the solemnisation of the marriage, treated the petitioner with cruelty; or] 16 [(ib) has deserted the petitioner for a continuous period of not less than two years immediately preceding the presentation of the petition; or] (ii) has ceased to be a Hindu by conversion to another religion; or 17 [(iii) has been incurably of unsound mind, or has been suffering continuously or intermittently from mental disorder of such a kind and to such an extent that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with the respondent. Explanation .—In this clause,— (a) the expression “mental disorder” means mental illness, arrested or incomplete development of mind, psychopathic disorder or any other disorder or disability of mind and includes schizophrenia; (b) the expression “psychopathic disorder” means a persistent disorder or disability of mind (whether or not including sub-normality of intelligence) which results in abnormally aggressive or seriously irresponsible conduct on the part of the other party, and whether or not it requires or is susceptible to medical treatment; or] (iv) has 18 [***] been suffering from a virulent and incurable form of leprosy; or (v) has 18 [***] been suffering from venereal disease in a communicable form; or (vi) has renounced the world by entering any religious order; or (vi) has not been heard of as being alive for a period of seven years or more by those persons who would naturally have heard of it, had that party been alive; 19 [***] 20 [ Explanation. —In this sub-section, the expression “desertion” means the desertion of the petitioner by the other party to the marriage without reasonable cause and without the consent or against the wish of such party, and includes the wilful neglect of the petitioner by the other party to the marriage, and its grammatical variations and cognate expressions shall be construed accordingly.] 21 [***]
Raghav_12 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Have you even read the post/posts?Poster dekh kar .......:ridinghorse:mat karo My views.....don't get married if you can't stay faithful. Marriage is not to be entered lightly. It is a secure place for man,woman and children.....a commitment to each other. I had clearly read your post. That's why I had written I fully agree with the problem that you described. What I failed to understand was how sleeping with a man other than your husband solves that problem (the statement that OP is discussiing)
beetle Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 See bud.....there is called logic and there is called understanding human emotions to make life more peaceful for all. Let's apply brutal logic on every scenario and see. Of course, it will look stretched but its intentional. 1. A wife cheating on her husband is 100% fine. Why? Cos she feels her husband doesn't satisfy her or she wants to have fun with other guys. Now her husband is free to file a divorce and use her infidelity as grounds for it. What's wrong in cheating? Did a wife sign a contract paper saying she won't cheat? She just signed a paper (marriage registration) saying if she cheats that could be used by her husband as a ground for divorce. By logic, cheating is 100% fine. You may say morally its wrong but a wife might feel....her needs are not met or after marriage, she finds new needs and she has acted upon them. Now she isn't going to lie about it and her husband is 100% justified to take a legal action. Who the hell is he to say she shouldn't cheat? I don't think any one on the forum is supporting cheating .I also mentioned that it was probably put in to get the eyeballs this boring video would other wise not get. 2. A housewife doesn't want to cook cos she has found it boring after marriage. Its her choice. Let the husband come back from work and do the cooking if he wants or we can have the restaurant option. People are not machines to keep cooking for their husband and work all day in their home. People can get bored and if someone feels they will cook only when they want to, what's wrong in it? House wife as the name suggests means the one who takes care of running of the house including cooking. Whether she cooks or gets it done depends on choice and finances. A house wife doesn't get any holidays or weekly off hence it is expected that the husband should help out once in a while or when she needs help. If the home maker refuses to cook everyday then it is wrong. 3. Wife doesn't want to even go to her in laws place cos she doesn't find them pleasant. Now what is wrong in this? She refuses to go with them. Her kids are too small and won't go without their mom. In laws home is not the most friendly place for a daughter in law. These visits for her are not the same as it is for the son of the house. If the in laws treat her right and the same way they treat their son or the way ther son gets treated at his in laws place....she will most likely want to visit them. If not....then she has the right to be not ill treated. As for kids....if you want them...treat her mom right.Just like the son in law is treated right at the wife's place. Also ...the husband should also be willing to spend similar time at his in laws place She has done nothing wrong legally. Her husband is fit to take any legal action as he pleases. Are these OTT forced examples? Absolutely. Are these illogical examples? No. They are legally and logically correct even if morally they aren't. Now here's the thing: Living a life, making a marriage work, sharing a special bond with someone is NOT about being legally right and doing only those stuff you love. Its a compromise. A family works because of different roles played by different members (nothing wrong in females going for a job by the way). To make it work, you have consider what would lead to a harmonious life. Its not about what is right, what is one's share and stuff. Its about what both are comfortable with (important point) and what needs to be done to live a happy life. true If a female has a change of thought (about work) after marriage, it can be discussed. There is no right or wrong approach there. Not just for female....some flexibility should be there for both within reason....and what is acceptable and practical according to changing family situations. As I said, setting expectations (applies to both parties) and making things clear before marriage sets you up in the best possible way. Its not 100% foolproof.
beetle Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 I had clearly read your post. That's why I had written I fully agree with the problem that you described. What I failed to understand was how sleeping with a man other than your husband solves that problem (the statement that OP is discussiing) When did I support that...?I don't like the video.
beetle Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 +100000 When your married you do tell things to each others , its not just women , men compromise in a lot of ways too . you have to be open & tell when you dont agree . Thats important for a healty relationship . +1
jusarrived Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Then accept the working woman as an equal in all respect.Share all jobs. As for dressing....why can't daughter and daughter in law dress the same way? What is modest for the daughter should be modest for daughter in law too. Will the man also make the same concessions for the girl's parents? Dress like a gentleman at home? What about joint families? Does that mean the daughter in laws has to stay modest all times. What if she wants to be the hot sexy wife?What if she wants to dress up in western clothes ? A lot of them do , some of them are actually better cooks then their wives ...the point is it goes both ways . in most cases its women who choses weather to work at home or outside as per her convenience ,A man though does not get that choice .its starnge how women switch being all independent career oriented in their 20s to happy housewife taking care of kids and spending her husbands money in her 30s . Who said anything about daughter and Daughter in law being treated differently ? it appliles all . Iam in my boxers at home, but I cat do that at my inlaws place . I expect the same from my wife . I dont know how joint familes work , but you got to be really akward up to wear hot western clothes living with a dozen people which includes your conservative inlaws ? just move out .
beetle Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 lol.. what two things you are comparing? A very significant number of man go to jail or police custody or trauma of facing criminal prosecution in process of divorce and you compare that with accusations of having affair. Go' date=' face some criminal charges, spend some time in police custody and then compare these two things as comparable. I can't imagine how detached people are from reality.[/quote'] For you everything boils down to the much publicized false cases.These cases are a small percentage of the real cases.You make it look like women of this country are living a dream and walking around with a whip in their hand. I have not met anyone personally who has filed any such case or has face any such case. I do know people whose daughter was almost killed after being beaten up for two years(I have mentioned it here on the forum before)....A cabin crew. Her family chose to go for mutual divorce instead of filing a case of domestic violence...because everyone in their family told them....people will not marry your daughter ever if she files a case of domestic violence.For her future ......they chose to let two years of beating and a serious attempt on life let go. This is the sad reality.
beetle Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 A lot of them do , some of them are actually better cooks then their wives ...the point is it goes both ways . That is true in some cases. in most cases its women who choses weather to work at home or outside as per her convenience ,A man though does not get that choice . I think we are not yet there ...but I do hope a time comes when men will also have the option. A majority of working women are still less paid than their husbands so it makes sense, Besides something as simple as breast feeding decides the issue. Hope someday it can be decided purely on the basis of who enjoys doing what more. its starnge how women switch being all independent career oriented in their 20s to happy housewife taking care of kids and spending her husbands money in her 30s . It happens usually during pregnancy and child birth.It is natural instincts that kick in. One of the two parent has to do it.I guess it is natures way of making sure the species survive. But it is not always the case.Spending the husband's money for his family is not such a bad thing. The problem is only if the finances are tight . Who said anything about daughter and Daughter in law being treated differently ? it appliles all . They are usually not.If they are ...then great. Iam in my boxers at home, but I cat do that at my inlaws place . I expect the same from my wife . If your wife can be in boxer short at your parents place ...then three cheers to your family....My mother in law brought the roof down when I wore jeans for the first time .Things are not so easy in most households. I dont know how joint familes work , but you got to be really akward up to wear hot western clothes living with a dozen people which includes your conservative inlaws ? just move out . Most people living in joint families don't have the easy option of walking out. Walking out or separating is often the most difficult decision in such families.....almost like abandonment ,breaking a home.Besides the clothes are just a symbolic for basic rights that are denied to the daughter in law...some times to most youngsters....but specially to daughter in laws
sensible-indian Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 @radhika - My entire post was a hypothetical statement. It was about how if we start looking at everything mechanically, things can go haywire. Of course, a wife is not expected to take insults and abuses from in laws and work her butt off even if she is exhausted or be the only one compromising. That goes without saying.
beetle Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 @radhika - My entire post was a hypothetical statement. It was about how if we start looking at everything mechanically, things can go haywire. Of course, a wife is not expected to take insults and abuses from in laws and work her butt off even if she is exhausted or be the only one compromising. That goes without saying. :nice: I should stop using red to write.It looks mean....like the mean teachers who used to leave the papers red ....:((
BlueBee Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 :nice: I should stop using red to write.It looks mean....like the mean teachers who used to leave the papers red ....:(( Weren't you a teacher :hmmm: :wizard:
beetle Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Weren't you a teacher :hmmm: :wizard: I was a good ,lenient one. Never used red ink. :roti:
BlueBee Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 I was a good ' date='lenient one. Never used red ink. :roti:[/quote']
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