Desi Cartman Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 But honestly, half the blame should go on the ladies themselves. Its like they are resigned to their fate as the house work-horse. Why cant they rebel ? After all, they are speaking for something that is just/right, no harm in doing in that. If the Husband/in-laws refuse to give in to her valid demands, then she has to search for other avenues to solve the problem. Not really, it depends on their background and upbrining. Women also think of society , the kids etc much more than males do. A lot has to do with financies as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ram Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Not really' date=' it depends on their background and upbrining. Women also think of society , the kids etc much more than males do. A lot has to do with financies as well.[/quote'] Nonsense. Its all stereotypes. Men have think/worry about kids/house/everything as a women should/would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Nonsense. Its all stereotypes. Men have think/worry about kids/house/everything as a women should/would. MM , I disagree. Its like saying that its not impossible for anybody to climb Mt Everest so everybody should be able to do it. In a real situation the female would need support from her family ,remember she doesnt inherit her father's $ so needs to get a job (if she was a house wife), has to find a house to live , face the taboo etc. I am sure the educated and more confident women in India can do it and should but when u see India as a whole how many women do you think are educated , confident and have some sort of support ? What you are saying is theoretically very easy to explain but very tough to action especially if you dont have support or education. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ram Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 MM , I disagree. Its like saying that its not impossible for anybody to climb Mt Everest so everybody should be able to do it. In a real situation the female would need support from her family ,remember she doesnt inherit her father's $ so needs to get a job (if she was a house wife), has to find a house to live , face the taboo etc. I am sure the educated and more confident women in India can do it and should but when u see India as a whole how many women do you think are educated , confident and have some sort of support ? What you are saying is theoretically very easy to explain but very tough to action especially if you dont have support or education. Yes, I agree thats the reality, but that doesnt mean the reality is right. In such circumstances, all the blame has to fall on the girl for not having a self-sustaining career and maybe, on the parents, for not providing her with that opportunity. The truth is, there is plenty of life/fun outside marriage. Some people actually have more fun being single and inherently not compatible with someone else. The problem is stereotypes, like if someone in India is VERY old and yet unmarried, all of us look at them with a look of suspicion, as if something is wrong with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fineleg Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 In a real situation the female would need support from her family ,remember she doesnt inherit her father's $ so needs to get a job (if she was a house wife), has to find a house to live , face the taboo etc. . Eh? Who said woman does not inherit $...money is divided between sons and daughters (if the parents' earned assets, and parents are decent enough)...sure there are fights that happen etc...but... Regarding other "inherited" assets etc grandparents assets etc, law is it is to be equally divided. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fineleg Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 . He aggress and they send her home because the girl respects her husband , doesn’t want to be divorced as it will be shameful for the family and of course cause she loves her son. . This is the wrong thing to have done...they shud have gotten those guyz into jail... Just becos this family did it, does not mean it will remain that way. (hopefully!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Outsider Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 From the comments here, it seems there is a lot of thought process and deliberation that people at ICF put into their relationships. Not sure whether it's right or wrong, but personally I have been the one to leave the thought process at work and let relationships evolve naturally rather than deliberately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ram Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Talking of equality, I just remembered this song, AWPcSF8eJPE :giggle: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Eh? Who said woman does not inherit $...money is divided between sons and daughters (if the parents' earned assets, and parents are decent enough)...sure there are fights that happen etc...but... Regarding other "inherited" assets etc grandparents assets etc, law is it is to be equally divided. I agree fineleg but sadly its not uncommon in India to pass on all the assests to the BETAS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CC1981 Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 From the comments here' date=' it seems there is a lot of thought process and deliberation that people at ICF put into their relationships. Not sure whether it's right or wrong, but personally I have been the one to leave the thought process at work and let relationships evolve naturally rather than deliberately.[/quote'] You my friend, are a very rare breed of Indians- who can actually claim to be civilized rather than living in the shadows and long-gone glory days when India actually used to be civilized. In regards to the topic, I'd say its nothing new or big. Infact, i don't think rising divorce rates are bad. Too many Indians are in f*cked up relationships, where they are too scared to divorce due to societerial pressures and stigma. I have known (and i still know) many families where the woman is opressed but won't divorce because many cultures in India are total male-chauvinist dominated, where the guy loves someone else but won't divorce because it will look bad on him,etc etc. If anything, the rising divorce rates in India are indicative that Indian culture in this aspect is finally growing up and comming out of its medival mentalities. There is nothing wrong in divorce- if it isn't working out, for a whole host of reasons, its better to divorce than persist with a f*cked up relationship simply because of 'samaaj kya kahegaa/naak kat jayegee' type of cowardly behaviour. Love is an aspect of life- an important one, but still an aspect, not life itself. Those who can be mature enough to learn from experience, make mistakes and owe up to them rather than bury them in a false pretense of culture/maryaada and all that nonsense, are the ones who have the honesty,integrity and the chutzpah to be truely human. Rest are just minions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaideep Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 moral of the story- stay single and happy forever...!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fineleg Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 moral of the story- stay single and happy forever...!!! i think Hari Sampath will agree with jaideep :icflove: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HariSampath Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Absolutely....I had decided to stay single, many years back and never ever regretted it. The freedom is great, can do pretty much what I want most of the times, and not think about house/spouse/orthodontia/SAT and the works . One can still have commitment free relationships, and it actually gets better after one is 35+ I found out as the ladies are much more mature, have various interesting aspects and views of life. The greatest thing is not having attachments , and freedom to be/become yourself unhindered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaideep Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Absolutely....I had decided to stay single, many years back and never ever regretted it. The freedom is great, can do pretty much what I want most of the times, and not think about house/spouse/orthodontia/SAT and the works . One can still have commitment free relationships, and it actually gets better after one is 35+ I found out as the ladies are much more mature, have various interesting aspects and views of life. The greatest thing is not having attachments , and freedom to be/become yourself unhindered. fantastic hari sampath...keep it up..how old ru if i may ask...not getting married is not the end of the world..i believe there is much more to life than getting married and rearing kids not that I am vehemently opposed to the institution of marriage but just that it does not appeal to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HariSampath Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 I wont see my 40th birthday again :D....but I respect the institution of marriage, one needs to approach it with understanding , but I just feel it need not be the ONLY thing for everyone, there is plenty in life beyond marriage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurker Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 There is NO way I am staying single. No freaking way. For one simple reason. All of my married friends tend to think they have all the problems in the world and life is so good for single guy/gal. Abbe if thats the case to shaadi kyun kiya tha? This Saturday I have spoken to two of my college chums who live in USA and both have asked me to come visit them. Alright no problem but it is always my responsibility to go meet them. And when I ask ke why cant they come over the answer is the same? "Arre yaar miyaan biwi baccha, we are three, bahut problem hoga yaar..samjha kar yaar". Samjha karoon my a$$!! $aala maine kaha tha ke yeh sab karo kya?? I will get married if only for this excuse to stop! Seriously married people you should stop moaning about marriage! The irony is it that the next time I speak with them most likely I would be asked - Abbe shaadi kab kar reha hai. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rajiv Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 Havent read the whole thread, how many unmarried ones are replying btw? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaideep Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 Havent read the whole thread' date=' how many unmarried ones are replying btw?[/quote'] can vouch for myself..apun single hai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rajiv Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 In a recent case in Mumbai divorce court, a woman charged her husband with putting his parents ahead of her. The parents lived in the ground floor; the husband and wife lived in the apartment above. Every night, upon returning from work, the husband stopped at his parents' home first and only then went home. He saw things through a traditional lens, with his wife as one in a range of family obligations. She desired to be the core of his universe, not unlike in the Western home. ------- I think it's a prefect setting, I don't know about the details but what if the guy is the only child and only support for their parents..whats wrong to say hello before you go to your wife? I am big supporter of husband and wife having their own space but circumstances should be discussed beforehand. I have married friends who live independently ( sex on the couch at any time ) and friends who still live with their folks ( ie., do not disturb when door is closed ) plus it helps the " it takes a village to raise a child theory " I am not sure if there is some kind of statistic, but IMO, independent couples are more prone to divorce as they spend too much time to together ( it sounds ridiculous ) but its always good to spread out the timing and love It also depends on the balance when a 6 month affair leads to a marriage, you are still knowing each other, whereas a 5 year can turn sour coz u spend too much time together. Above is all calculated when he/she married you for money, love or both ( rare ) Marriage = IS A COMPROMISE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 >>>>In a recent case in Mumbai divorce court, a woman charged her husband with putting his parents ahead of her. The parents lived in the ground floor; the husband and wife lived in the apartment above. [/b]Every night, upon returning from work, the husband stopped at his parents' home first and only then went home. He saw things through a traditional lens, with his wife as one in a range of family obligations. She desired to be the core of his universe, not unlike in the Western home. I doubt it is the main reason.... If it is ...then the wife is being unreasonable...but I very much doubt it is. The problem is that the wife leaves her home and comes to a new home where the husband becomes the centre of her life. She expects the husband to reciprocate the same and make her the centre of his life.Why else did he marry her.....? Both are at fault here.....If you chose to marry in a joint family,then it is unreasonable to expect that he will be with you all the time. The wife is at fault for making him the centre of her world(which most husband's expect).If he doesn't feel the need to spend enough time with you, stop sitting around like a tragedy queen and go out and get a job and have fun .Some do and unfortunately that also sometimes becomes a problem for the marriage. Most problems in the saas bahu relationship in a joint family can be solved if the saas stops being possesive about her son. Let the bahu have the complete attention of the guy in in the first few years. In a few years , infatuation in the relationship gives way to a real relationship and the bahu is more than willing to get sometime off from the husband. Unfortunately most MIL let possesiveness and jealousy spoil the relatioship.The ones that let go of the son for a while get to keep the son for life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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