Macj Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Well, yeah..your reason is the principle of Love v.s Arranged. Your reply revolves around blaming someone Exhibit A: Love Marriage - its your fault if it doesn't work Exhibit B: Arrange Marriage - its the parents fault So, in both cases, we are focusing on faults..tell me how comfortable is one to point their fingers at their parents, you would love to but can you really Honestly, people who marry who through Shaadi.com and other matrimonial websites..u think they TRULY fall in love after few exchanges and emails? You put yourself in the love seat and develop that special liking Also, if someone is working M-S 9-9 and there are many such folks in India like that, how would they meet someone? so arrange marriage is the way to go My point is that love marriage is not necessarily the answer to a happy marriage P.S My divorce was inevitable the way it was going, perhaps the luck of the draw and I know you recently found your soul mate to which I congratulate you May I ask if you have children?
Macj Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 No I don't A kid changes the dynamic completely. Sadness, loneliness or incompatibility takes a backseat to the needs of the child. History shows that a steady and stable 2 parent household results in a better upbgringing than that of a single parent. Purely by virtue of much more cohesion between people traditional caste based endogamous relationships are fading. Now love marriages may fail , but you stand a better chance since you know the person, or at least thats what youre expected to do during dates , living together etc. In anycase a marriage is never easy, I know of couples who hate each other,yet have remained married for 10 or so years. I also know of people who seem so deeply in love yet have affairs.
Lurker Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Now love marriages may fail , but you stand a better chance since you know the person, or at least thats what youre expected to do during dates , living together etc. I doubt thats true. One of the reason why many of the modern marriages are in trouble is because of the spouses career ambitions. You only have to look around and see what I mean. Over half of the IT married folks that I work with have their wives in X city while they work in Y. And the two fly every other weekend to make marriage work. If you are flying out of any major US city you would be surprised to see how many Indians fly over the weekend, a lot of them are married peeps. You may not be caught in this conundrum but I am sure you know what I mean. Most such couples have been married through love. On the other hand you have arranged marriage where girls are generally housewives and dare I say those family are actually doing much better. Of course this comes with its own handicaps. In the end its not love vs arranged I suppose, its how much the two are willing to sacrifice to stay together (and happy). xx
Macj Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Over half of the IT married folks that I work with have their wives in X city while they work in Y. And the two fly every other weekend to make marriage work. I actually do know a lot of this, unfortunately I hear this from my cabbie who is having an affair with an Indian girl in such a relationship.
Deleted_User_1 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 P.S My divorce was inevitable the way it was going, perhaps the luck of the draw and I know you recently found your soul mate to which I congratulate you I have been married for almost 9 years now, its not new. I have known my wife for 15 years. I knew her prior to dating for 2 years and then we dated for 3 years before getting married (this was all when I was in grad school). As you can see I am a very cautious person. However, I must say that we are still together because of the level of compromise we both made in the relationship. We had to go over a LOT of hurdles. Compromise was the key and not necessarily just love.
Lurker Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I actually do know a lot of this' date=' unfortunately I hear this from my cabbie who is having an affair with an Indian girl in such a relationship.[/quote'] I am not surprised. Althought what does shock is when you mention "my" cabbie. I mean how rich does one have to be to have his own cabbie :haha:
Rajiv Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 dandaroy?? I am sorry...whoz the one who got married or found true love..there was a thread as well
Macj Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I am not surprised. Althought what does shock is when you mention "my" cabbie. I mean how rich does one have to be to have his own cabbie :haha: Im sure many ppl use cabs when going to the airport - or to another town if they dont want to use their own car.
suraj Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 The solution is multiple wives- try 1 through love marriage, 1 through love-arranged and 1 through arranged you can then have the right mix of looks, career, housewife etc etc :winky:
Lurker Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 The solution is multiple wives- try 1 through love marriage' date=' 1 through love-arranged and 1 through arranged. you can then have the right mix of looks, career, housewife etc etc :winky:[/quote'] In other words you now agree that a certain religion was correct all along :hysterical:
suraj Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 In other words you now agree that a certain religion was correct all along :hysterical: Ya khuda Allah ki rehmat!!
Macj Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 The solution is multiple wives- try 1 through love marriage, 1 through love-arranged and 1 through arranged you can then have the right mix of looks, career, housewife etc etc :winky: Why marry them all ? Marry 1 and chinna veedu the rest.
Macj Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 In other words you now agree that a certain religion was correct all along :hysterical: That religion doesnt allow you to have 1 for this or 1 for that, remember the tenet states ALL should be equal. The only reason why that religion allowed for multiple marriages is because the woman was an object and not to be wasted, hence if theres one sitting idly by, she should be betrothed.
Lurker Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 That religion doesnt allow you to have 1 for this or 1 for that, remember the tenet states ALL should be equal. The only reason why that religion allowed for multiple marriages is because the woman was an object and not to be wasted, hence if theres one sitting idly by, she should be betrothed. Arre boss that was a light hearted comment towards Suraj who is not a big Islam fan. Why are you reading too much into it? :winky:
veeru_rocks Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 Mujhe ApnI bibi dhundhane mein finger bhi nahin uatahana para ye bahai ke liye bibi dhdundhane mein halata kahrab ho rahi hain''Sala caste religion then gotra then education then morality then family background then culture .. itani sari chijen dekhate dekhate to mil chuki larki
coffee_rules Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I am sorry about your divorce, but there is big difference in love vs. arranged. If your love marriage fails, at least you took the decision and it did not work (happens a lot in life). If it is arranged and it fails, you are the victim of someone's decision making, which ought to suck even more. I've heard others say it..but it makes no sense. Marriage is always your decision. Even if your marriage is arranged..it was decided by you to let others look for you. So..love or arranged, if it fails..it's just your damned luck.
Lurker Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Mujhe ApnI bibi dhundhane mein finger bhi nahin uatahana para ye bahai ke liye bibi dhdundhane mein halata kahrab ho rahi hain''Sala caste religion then gotra then education then morality then family background then culture .. itani sari chijen dekhate dekhate to mil chuki larki सबसे बड़ी गलती तो तुम्हारी है मरदे. भैसुर कहीं लड़की देखता है? वोह तो बहुरानी कमरे में हो तो वहां भी पहले खांस लेता है फिर घुसता है. एक तुम हो के रीत रिवाज़ का नाक कटवा रहे हो. इसीलिए गंगा पार लोगों से दूर रहना चाहिए.
veeru_rocks Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 सबसे बड़ी गलती तो तुम्हारी है मरदे. भैसुर कहीं लड़की देखता है? वोह तो बहुरानी कमरे में हो तो वहां भी पहले खांस लेता है फिर घुसता है. एक तुम हो के रीत रिवाज़ का नाक कटवा रहे हो. इसीलिए गंगा पार लोगों से दूर रहना चाहिए. हमलोग हिप्पी फॅमिली हो चुके हैं | भावों भैंसुर आराम से एक साथ एक ही टेबल पे बैठ के खाना खाया जाता है और एक दूसरे से साफ़-सुथरी मज़ाक भी किया जाता है मेरे घर में | मेरे बाबूजी मुझसे उतने खुल के बात नहीं करते हैं | यद्यपि ये कहाँ उचित होगा की मैं उनसे झिझकता हूँ बात करने से पर मेरी अर्धांगिनी बैठ के आराम से बातें करते रहते हैं | हमलोग भी गंगा पार वालों के लिए कुछ ऐसा ही ख्याल रखते हैं | हमलोग खान-पान के लिए बोलते हैं की इ गंगा पार वालों को खाना खाने नहीं आता है |:--D
Ram Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I will prefer a love marriage to an arranged marriage any day of the year. As much as it sounds perfectly ideal, there are still a few flaws in the ‘love marriage’ system that most Indians follow anyway. Its one thing to have a good time going to beaches, seeing movies together or hanging out in coffee-shops talking sweet-nothings for hours, but an entirely different issue to actually live with that person. You don’t actually know how things will fare until you actually share emotional and physical space with the person. But the concept of live-in girl-friend is still too radical in India. In that sense, Indians living the U.S are very lucky. I know many guys who almost lived with the ‘girl’ for a while – They stayed together, ate together, cleaned together, brought groceries together and did all possible mundane activities that comes along with being a married guy. And if they found they could get by all this without pulling each other’s hair, they went ahead and married each other. In India though, its not possible for the guy and the girl to do all this without raising a lot of eyebrows.
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