patriot Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Ok..folks, being that I have failed to find a suitable desi ( my standards and expectations are very high :winky:) life partner, my parents have decided to take the matter in their own hands. Please share your experiences in arranged marriage and how many girls/guys you met before you decided to tie the knot. What kind of questions should be asked to the modern eligible bhartiya nari ? Sahi Sahi batana.:nervous: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooda Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Ok. I got 'engaged' back in Aug, arranged. went to Bangalore, spoke to my fiancee- then first person I met for this purpose. Lasted about a half hour. It was all awkward giggles to begin with but then once we started talking it was ok She couldnt resist the SoodCharm and the rest is history :p not really. I was lucky that my parents know hers well-ish, so kinda know the family etc. And frankly I was (am!) desperate so couldnt be asked to look for ages. Just didnt have enough family here in the UK so hard to get to know people etc As far as the actual meeting itself- i wanted to be a normal chat, her interests hobbies that kinda thing. Didnt have any questions per se that I had to ask, as I knew her education etc. Just wanted to know if i could converse with her easily and I could. HOPEFULLY all will work out ace- wedding most probs next July Im quite excited actually, getting to know her will be fun Havent spoken to her yet on phone. Not sure her folks would approve... But I too want to hear from peeps who are in arranged marriages--what its been like...please share :--D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DomainK Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I am still a few years away from my marriage, which I hope won't be arranged. But here are a few points I have learned from watching some of my friends go through the process and some advice one of my friend's dad had given him: 1. No matter how many girls you meet, you will never be sure whether you want to marry one. The reason is that you hardly get to know the girl enough to be sure of such a big decision. You can judge their looks, but it's not a one night stand. You will never know for sure that she fits your definitions of a good wife. 2. Like job interviews, they will never open up to you. They will project an image they want you to see. They will be behind a shield. You can not cross question them like you do with a candidate in a job interview because you have to make them feel comfortable and respected. You have to make the conversation look casual, interesting and at the same time you will have yo find out enough about their personality and test compatibility. At the same time, you have to impress her as well. A part of the conversation could be rehearsed. 3. You will find it extremely difficult to compare girls. Some of them will score high on certain expectations and low on certain others. Comparing the combinations is a difficult job knowing that the choice is not just about numbers. 4. My friend's father said that the moment you find a girl matching your expectations up to 65-70%, immediately say yes. You won't find any better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flamy Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 :yikes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooda Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Couldnt agree with ALL your points more Dom How much can you tell from one meeting- not a lot. And as you say, they do put an image up- lets face it so did I, you have to make a good impression. So even a 2nd meeting probably would not have made a diffy I like point no4. Well put. I was told by a 'friend' to ask her if she has been in a relationship before. How well would THAT have gone down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Outsider Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 You are going to end up fighting after marriage anyways, so might as well pick a pretty face to fight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooda Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 LOLL.. Cynical git Outsider you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sachinism Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 You are going to end up fighting after marriage anyways' date=' so might as well pick a pretty face to fight.[/quote'] So its easier to make up and have the make-up sex :winky: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wicket Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 You are going to end up fighting after marriage anyways' date=' so might as well pick a pretty face to fight.[/quote'] Brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wicket Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 LOLL.. Cynical git Outsider you A cynic is what an idealist calls a realist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludhianvi Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Hello, I would like to share my wisdom in this matter as I am pro! First ask: How much dowry are you willing to give? Do you know how to cook desi food? Do you like cricket and will you let me watch cricket? Have her blood tested for HIV. Ask if veg/nonveg Which languages will the kids learn How many kids do you plan ? Do you smoke/drink/late night partying? Are you an evolutionist or a creationist? Will you like to pursue further study/career goals? Who will take care of kids? Do I have to clean my dishes or clean the house? Who will get the groceries? And then you can ease off into easier questions: *Are you ready for marriage? *How would you describe yourself? *How do you like to spend your free time? *How do you feel about sm0king and/or drinking? *What are you looking for in a spouse? *How much time do you want to decide? *What are your preferences, in terms of food (non-vegetarian or vegetarian)? *How do you feel about pets? *What is your family like? *What are your likes and dislikes? *How do you act when you get upset? *How often will we visit our extended family (if staying apart from them)? *Do you believe in sharing housework? *Appropriate questions on the profession front: *What are your future career plans? *How much time do you spend at work? *Are you looking for a working wife, housewife, or is it immaterial to you?*What would we do in the situation that I get transferred? P.S: If you require further assistance, please ask me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DomainK Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 You are going to end up fighting after marriage anyways' date=' so might as well pick a pretty face to fight.[/quote'] :haha::haha::haha::haha::haha::haha: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabi_khota Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Choice of life partner is one of the single most important decision in one's life. I have no clue why someone would spend more time trying to chose a car to buy than getting to know a person before marrying him/her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludhianvi Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Ok..folks' date=' being that I have failed to find a suitable [b']desi ( my standards and expectations are very high :winky:) life partner, my parents have decided to take the matter in their own hands. Please share your experiences in arranged marriage and how many girls/guys you met before you decided to tie the knot. What kind of questions should be asked to the modern eligible bhartiya nari ? Sahi Sahi batana.:nervous: You mean looks wise? :hmmm: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSK Fan Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Oh, my favourite topic. Please ask me. My wife was engaged to a guy and was set to marry within a month when i propositioned her. So i am an expert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sachinism Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Oh' date=' my favourite topic. Please ask me. My wife was engaged to a guy and was set to marry within a month when i propositioned her. So i am an expert[/quote'] :two_thumbs_up::two_thumbs_up: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bharat12 Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I know someone who met a "suitor" with all the expected awkwardness, but then got their email address and actually got to chat to them for a good while through emails etc and get to know them better while also avoiding all the sharades and fronts. Seems to have been working out well for her so far, who knows where it will lead but that could be a suggestion if you don't want to rush into anything. It is one of the biggest decisions of your life after all, good luck with it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DomainK Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I know someone who met a "suitor" with all the expected awkwardness' date=' but then got their email address and actually got to chat to them for a good while through emails etc and get to know them better while also avoiding all the sharades and fronts. Seems to have been working out well for her so far, who knows where it will lead but that could be a suggestion if you don't want to rush into anything. It is one of the biggest decisions of your life after all, good luck with it all.[/quote'] Yup, it's a good idea. It's actually good to date each other for a few months before marriage. Any sane girl would agree to that because if I am not wrong, girls are equally afraid of getting married to the wrong person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bharat12 Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Yup, it's a good idea. It's actually good to date each other for a few months before marriage. Any sane girl would agree to that because if I am not wrong, girls are equally afraid of getting married to the wrong person. Yeah I'd agree with that, if anything they're more afraid of the chances of their marriage not working out because in our culture, more disgrace is put at the feet of the girl unfortunately if there was ever to be a divorce. I'm a few years at least away from marriage, but I've said to my parents I have no problems with them suggesting someone to me as long as me and the girl can keep somewhat close contact and develop a friendship/relationship - seeing where it develops. Without trying to offend anyone, I wouldn't ever want to meet someone once and have a marriage date lined up - seems far too hurried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabi_khota Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Yup, it's a good idea. It's actually good to date each other for a few months before marriage. Any sane girl would agree to that because if I am not wrong, girls are equally afraid of getting married to the wrong person. No girl who is trying to go through the arranged marriage route is going to agree to date you...:hysterical:. Hell if it was that easy, I would be sending my 'bio-data' to all and sundry :giggle: ...sure they want to get to know you and stuff but thats about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts