punjabiplaya Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 My girlfriend has just rung me in floods of tears. The university she applied for has turned her down even though she achieved two As and a B. What makes this worse is that she has just found out that her black friend has been accepted even though her grades were much worse. When she told me this I was absolutely fuming. How dare she have a black friend
punjabiplaya Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 Two black mums talking on a bus...One says "Is ya baby teething yet?" Other one says "Yeah maaaaan, so far he git me 2 DVD's, a mobile phone and a lap-top!!!"
punjabiplaya Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 me and my big mouth... I went to ahmeds's wedding and whispered to a bloke next to me, "The bride is a right fecking dog." "Do you mind? That's my daughter you're talking about." "I'm really sorry, I didn't know you were her father." "I'm not. I'm her mother." :cantstop:
Laaloo Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Two black mums talking on a bus...One says "Is ya baby teething yet?" Other one says "Yeah maaaaan, so far he git me 2 DVD's, a mobile phone and a lap-top!!!" B->
Prakat Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 "Ramu, aaj tumne roti me itna sara butter kyu lagaya hai? "maf karna Malik, lagata hai aaj galati se meri roti aapko de di"
punjabiplaya Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 I was taking a pi*s at the urinals, and a dwarf standing beside me kept giving me a wink. "What do you want?" I asked angrily "Do you fancy me or something?" "No...you're splashing my fecking eyes :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 I've adopted an old drug sniffing dog, but it seems a bit racist. It only barks at black people.
punjabiplaya Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 Yesterday in school, I was told the population in England would be 70 million by 2020, the same as 10 cities the size of London. My teacher asked what we should do with these cities? Apparently yelling, "How about we send half of them back to Pakistan where they belong" was one way to get expelled. :winky:
Old guy Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Indian Dressing room conversation after losing the Perth Test to Australia- Dhoni: Yippie? 2 days off, woh bhi űaid Holiday? Laxman: Aggar yeh saale dhokebaaz (Virat & Dravid) nahi khelte toh 3 din off milte ... Dravid: Dhokebaaz main nahi Virat hain. Akale hi century bana ke ÅÉero banna chahta tha. Accha hua ki Vinay, Zaheer aur Ishant ne isko dhoka diya .Well done boys? Umesh & Zaheer: Haan yaar? do din mein match katam karne ki chakkar mein hamne itne mehnet kar ke Australia ki poori team ko bhi out kiya tha. Virat bhai, aisa cheating nahi karne ka. Tendulkar: Aiilla!!!! Cheating toh mere saath hui hai. Do din mein match khatam karne ke chakkar mein, mera toh 100th Ton bhi chala gaya aur ek din chutti bhi gayi? Rohit Sharma- Mujhe toh ek b match nai khilaya :( Dhoni- abey pagle tu form me chal rha hai. Achha khel gya toh match faltu me 4-5 din ka ho jayega. Tu IPL pe dhyan de. :haha: :cantstop: Duncan Fletcher- hey hey guyzz... Jo hua so hua , ..nw don't waste time n lets go to bungee jumping :) Team India- Yuhooo.... fletcher speaking hindi? :hmmm:
punjabiplaya Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 A man goes into a book store and asks the assistant "do you have the new book for men with short penises I can't remember the title ?" she replies "I'm not sure if it's in yet." The man said "that's the one i'll take a copy."
punjabiplaya Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Ahmed tells his doctor, "I'm afraid to get married as I think my co*k's too small." The doc says, "get a job on a dairy farm. Every day, dip your co*k in the cow's milk and get the calf to suck the milk off. This will naturally stretch it." Two months later, ahmed returns. "Did you get married?" asks the doc. "Did I feck! I bought the calf!"
punjabiplaya Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 I've just thrown a housewarming party for the Paki's next door. Well I called it a housewarming, the police called it arson.
punjabiplaya Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 A farmer who wants a divorce goes 2c a lawyer, the farmer says "Oi wants to get wan of them dayvorces" Lawyer..."Do you hav grounds? Farmer... "Yes, i gots me 40 acres" Lawyer "No, you dont understand, do u have a suit?" Farmer..."Yes, oi wears it to church on Sundays" Lawyer..."No, i mean do u have a grudge? Farmer..."Yes, that's where i park the tractor" Lawyer..."Does ur wife beat you up?" Farmer..."No, we both get up at 5.30" Lawyer gets annoyed & tries one last question..."Is ur wife a nagger?... "No, she's white, but the baby's a nagger, that's why i wants a dayvorce!!
punjabiplaya Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 I'd just finished giving the wife a good seeing to when I shouted out, "I feel like Captain Birdseye!" "Why", she replied with a cheeky grin, "Because you've just unloaded all your seamen into my harbour?" "No, because I've got fish fingers".
punjabiplaya Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Daily mirror cricket inmates updates interviewer: Why won't Salman Butt be using the prison showers? prison guard 1 'no balls' prison guard 2: no because he's a paki
punjabiplaya Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 I got drunk at the office party and shagged an ugly Chinese bird in the lift..I know, I know.....I was fecking Wong on so many levels..
punjabiplaya Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 Just seen Harry Redknapps dog using a cashpoint!
punjabiplaya Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 ahmed is now the 3rd most popular name in Bradford.... "black c**t" and "paki bast*rd" are still the top two.
punjabiplaya Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 My sex addiction therapist told me this morning she was impressed with my progress, that I no longer see women as sexual objects, and that I recognise their needs and I'm sensitive to their inner feelings.... Sounds to me like she wants me to smash her up the ar*e!
punjabiplaya Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 Woman goes to doctors & says "Everytime I take my bra off a black man pops up between my tits pulling stupid faces" Doc says "You must have sillycoon implants
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