akshayxyz Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 Actually there have been loads of issues with our culture in the past which we have moved ahead from. Parents hitting children is 100% physical abuse and is a way for parents to cope out of the whole making the child understand wrong from right thing. There is absolutely no need to physically hit a child who is much weaker than you and cannot hit you back. There is no way in hell it teaches any lesson to the child or makes him understand his mistake. All he learns is to fear and avoid his parents in the future. Being physical is parenting fail. Most of the time they are taking off anger and frusturation from their work life on a child BTW, my parents occasionaly hit me too and they found nothing wrong with it. And while I think my parents were the best a child could ever have, I still think it was wrong of them to physically hit me Can you tell me one or two good points about physically hitting children who are weaker than you? I do not agree. Kids are stupid, and sometimes (in some cases) they do need the dose. And no, I am not suggesting repeated use of physical force. In fact -if used w/o moderation - even the repeated use of 'rewards' system, can also be termed as abuse (psychological) - esp when 'smart' kids learn (and try) to abuse the 'reward' system. By doing so, you are (potentially) preparing a sociopath.. (this is my run-time theory :)). At least a slap is an honest & straight-fwd expression of displeasure/disapproval and not a psychological/manipulative tactic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 I do not agree. Kids are stupid, and sometimes (in some cases) they do need the dose. And no, I am not suggesting repeated use of physical force. In fact -if used w/o moderation - even the repeated use of 'rewards' system, can also be termed as abuse (psychological) - esp when 'smart' kids learn (and try) to abuse the 'reward' system. By doing so, you are (potentially) preparing a sociopath.. (this is my run-time theory :)). At least a slap is an honest & straight-fwd expression of displeasure/disapproval and not a psychological/manipulative tactic. Ok if someone slaps a kid for painting on the wall, what lesson does it teach him in the long run ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 I was. By an older girl. And its not funny I am also shocked at seeing some of the reactions in this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akshayxyz Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 Ok if someone slaps a kid for painting on the wall' date=' what lesson does it teach him in the long run ?[/quote'] When did I say I would ( or one should) slap the kid for painting the wall... besides, you have not established the context! It could be repeated offence ( despite warnings, and other methods of 'disciplining' - about same act or chain of several acts), it could be an act of protest.. and many other things. or where did I say same method will work for every kid... it is a learning experience for the parent too, every kid is different... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 When did I say I would ( or one should) slap the kid for painting the wall... besides, you have not established the context! It could be repeated offence ( despite warnings, and other methods of 'disciplining' - about same act or chain of several acts), it could be an act of protest.. and many other things. or where did I say same method will work for every kid... it is a learning experience for the parent too, every kid is different... But Bhai koi example to de ? In which scenario does it have more chances of working than other methods. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akshayxyz Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 Forget about kids, one of my grown up ex-friend (female)..used to go crazy after getting drunk. Once she went out of control, and asked her next day - ( when she was in full sense) - what should I do, if you go out of control next time. She replied - you can slap me. It is different thing, I never exercised that 'privilege', as most certainly hitting an already crazy grown-up girl would make her only crazier. Anyway, going back to hitting kids.. any form of punishment (or reward system), if repeated too often - will be some form of abuse ( physical or psychological). A parent has to be careful to mix up the things and use them judiciously. Timing is important ( and context) and will vary from one kid to another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akshayxyz Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 But Bhai koi example to de ? In which scenario does it have more chances of working than other methods. That is the key - you can not isolate an example and use it as a template. The context builds up over the time, and as you learn the behavior/nature of the kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 That is the key - you can not isolate an example and use it as a template. The context builds up over the time' date=' and as you learn the behavior/nature of the kid.[/quote'] I have a kid and she is 2 years old and she does stupid things and does not listen at times but I have never ever even thought about hitting her. I fail to imagine a scenario where hitting a kid would solve anything, I think parents hit the kids when THEY lose patience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panesarv Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 common..no one is telling we shouldn't discuss... [u don't have to listen if some one really done that] issue here is some thinking this will change country forever,this is the show which brought all these issues out etc.. TV is not for entertainment only..these kind of things can be shown nothing wrong in that what people saying is its no different than any news channel discussion which will raise hue and cry over few days then people forget and move on...[if u see Anna hazare agitation strike chord with many people cutting across religion,rich,poor etc..but it made no difference] The way Indian mentality works is that Indians never do anything where they are embarrassed - saarey mohaley mein besti ho gayi. With these shows, Indians will slowly learn that such things are big NO-NOs. Even though Amir Khan is not directly doing anything against these issues, raising awareness will definitely help. By doing it again and again, it will be drilled in their systems that such a thing is a big NO-NO. Even if uneducated people or simply retarded people don't learn, maybe doctors will stop doing horrible things like female foeticide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akshayxyz Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 I have a kid and she is 2 years old and she does stupid things and does not listen at times but I have never ever even thought about hitting her. I fail to imagine a scenario where hitting a kid would solve anything' date=' I think parents hit the kids when THEY lose patience.[/quote'] See that is why I said - you need to establish the context. slapping/hitting a 2 year old is definitely not done - 2 .y.o wont get a message anyway...(not it is advisable for grown up teens). Whatever I would have said (example) you would have tried mapping it to your situation - wrongly so. Besides, slapping/raising-hand does not mean a tight slap on the face.. and/or something which is supposed to inflict pain. It has to deliver similar psychological message - make the kid feel guilty /embarrassed for his/her wrong-doing...and simultaneously express that it is for their benefit and you are there for them in anycase. IMO, a controlled slap/spank can work only within certain age group, in certain context (also involves the social setup you are living in), with certain type of kids. In the end - there are no set rules, over-use of any punishment/reward system is going to have its own long-term side effects. btw, what is your view on other forms of punishments - not involving physical contact..like murga/dand-baithak etc.. esp involving 'humiliation/embarrassing' (even just verbal!) in front of public/friends? Given a choice, IMO, a tight slap on the butt in private might be better than a thorough public humiliation. But then, there would be some cases - you may need to do the dues publicly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 See that is why I said - you need to establish the context. slapping/hitting a 2 year old is definitely not done - 2 .y.o wont get a message anyway...(not it is advisable for grown up teens). Whatever I would have said (example) you would have tried mapping it to your situation - wrongly so. Besides, slapping/raising-hand does not mean a tight slap on the face.. and/or something which is supposed to inflict pain. It has to deliver similar psychological message - make the kid feel guilty /embarrassed for his/her wrong-doing...and simultaneously express that it is for their benefit and you are there for them in anycase. IMO, a controlled slap/spank can work only within certain age group, in certain context (also involves the social setup you are living in), with certain type of kids. In the end - there are no set rules, over-use of any punishment/reward system is going to have its own long-term side effects. btw, what is your view on other forms of punishments - not involving physical contact..like murga/dand-baithak etc.. esp involving 'humiliation/embarrassing' (even just verbal!) in front of public/friends? Given a choice, IMO, a tight slap on the butt in private might be better than a thorough public humiliation. But then, there would be some cases - you may need to do the dues publicly. Kids start understanding what their parents say from a very early age, even from 1 yr onwards. Obviously they do not understand logic but they know when parents are happy with them and when not. I think they need to be explained that what they did was wrong and what they are supposed to be doing when they are in the same situation next time. It doesn't work always but mostly does. I dont think sending to another room fixes anything, my wife thinks naughty corner is good as it gives kids a few mins to calm down and remember it for the next time but that's for extreme situations. We have used it once and I wasn't happy with it :P I once heard dr Phil on tv say that never ever be your kids friends, you are the parents and you can be good parents but they should always know/feel that you are in control and they don't control you. The trick is to pull this off. We have a toddler at home so we don't have much experience but so far, we have never shouted at her, we alway sit at her level, explain why is something wrong and what she should do instead and it almost always works. But it's very limited experience and we don't know how we will react in 10 years but we intend to keep following the same. Parenting isn't easy and I am not saying that parents who slap their kids once in a whole are criminals but I'm not in favor of it as at best it temporarily fixes the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akshayxyz Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 I get your point. And I am just speaking from my experience - of being raised and seeing others around. I have yet to get a chance to implement my theories :) In my case, I owe a significant turning point in my life - to a timely slap. I got beaten up few other times, and did not appreciate it as a kid - and later even became immune to any physical punishment (I remember few cases when I would keep smiling or even laugh out loud, while my mummy was trying to discipline me). Good thing is, I do not have any complains with my parents, and I respect them for whatever method they chose. Because, when I look at that together with the social setup we were brought up in, and eventually where we ended up ( vs could have ended up) - I appreciate it even more. On the other hand, I have also seen example where beatings crossed the limit - even though they fixed quite a few things for good, but left a long time aggression (double edged sword) and a mental scar ... and in other cases, where it did not fix anything short term or long term. Also, there is a huge difference between a tight and timely slap from a righteous father of strict values & ethics and getting a spanking from drunken one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laaloo Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 any links to watch it online? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old guy Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 @laaloo search on youtube :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffee_rules Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Kids start understanding what their parents say from a very early age, even from 1 yr onwards. Obviously they do not understand logic but they know when parents are happy with them and when not. I think they need to be explained that what they did was wrong and what they are supposed to be doing when they are in the same situation next time. It doesn't work always but mostly does. I dont think sending to another room fixes anything, my wife thinks naughty corner is good as it gives kids a few mins to calm down and remember it for the next time but that's for extreme situations. We have used it once and I wasn't happy with it :P I once heard dr Phil on tv say that never ever be your kids friends, you are the parents and you can be good parents but they should always know/feel that you are in control and they don't control you. The trick is to pull this off. We have a toddler at home so we don't have much experience but so far, we have never shouted at her, we alway sit at her level, explain why is something wrong and what she should do instead and it almost always works. But it's very limited experience and we don't know how we will react in 10 years but we intend to keep following the same. Parenting isn't easy and I am not saying that parents who slap their kids once in a whole are criminals but I'm not in favor of it as at best it temporarily fixes the situation. There is no one key that fits in all locks. Each kid is different. What works for one doesn't for most others. In general, we need to reason with them once they start understanding what's going on around them. So hitting a kid less than 5 years old is not on. Once they are old enough, different ways work for different kids. Girls are easier, we can reason with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 There is no one key that fits in all locks. Each kid is different. What works for one doesn't for most others. In general' date=' we need to reason with them once they start understanding what's going on around them. So hitting a kid less than 5 years old is not on. Once they are old enough, different ways work for different kids. Girls are easier, we can reason with them.[/quote'] So if you can't convince a 7 year old then just slap him lol :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffee_rules Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 So if you can't convince a 7 year old then just slap him lol :P I didn't say slap did I? What works with a toddler - time out etc. , for older kids, take away the most important thing in life - TV/Game time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSK Fan Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 There is no one key that fits in all locks. Each kid is different. What works for one doesn't for most others. In general' date=' we need to reason with them once they start understanding what's going on around them. So hitting a kid less than 5 years old is not on. Once they are old enough, different ways work for different kids. Girls are easier, we can reason with them.[/quote'] Exactly. Parenting is a tough, tough job and a huge responsibilty. You can take the easy way out by intimidating kids or you can take time out to raise them responsibily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 ^ slapping them for thier mistakes is intimidating them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 ^ slapping them for thier mistakes is intimidating them? what else does it accomplish ? isnt the whole idea to make them associate pain with a particular act Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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