jimmy321321 Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 I didn't want to panic my wife when I got up in the middle of the night to find the kitchen on fire. So I quietly left the house.
gaurav92 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Crookbond Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I didn't want to panic my wife when I got up in the middle of the night to find the kitchen on fire. So I quietly left the house. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 After a lovely holiday in Mallorca, an Essex girl takes her seat on the plane home. "Hey! Great to see you again! How've you been?" says her left leg to her right leg. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 7 wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40 :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 liverpool have just signed a new striker to keep up with man united signing Robin Van Persie his names Robin van Stereos :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 I was relaxing on the beach today when a fat bird came over and said, "Would you rub this lotion into my back please?" "I'm afraid I'm only here for the day," I replied :hysterical:
Laaloo Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I was relaxing on the beach today when a fat bird came over and said, "Would you rub this lotion into my back please?" "I'm afraid I'm only here for the day," I replied :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
jimmy321321 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night. She nearly took my ****ing eye out.
jimmy321321 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 My son asked if we could get a faster broadband connection because he's sick of waiting for porn movies to load on his laptop. I told him he should count himself lucky that he can watch pornographic videos online. When we had dial-up, I once masturbated to a lady's picture as it rendered and shot my load just before I saw her penis.
suraj Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 My son asked if we could get a faster broadband connection because he's sick of waiting for porn movies to load on his laptop. I told him he should count himself lucky that he can watch pornographic videos online. When we had dial-up, I once masturbated to a lady's picture as it rendered and shot my load just before I saw her penis. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Asim Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 A Pakistani minister was very impressed to see beautiful home of his Indian counterpart friend in India, he asked: yeh ghar kaisey banaya? Indian: woh saamnay bridge nazar aa raha hey? Pakistani: Han Indian: bas uska 3% apni pocket mai After some time Indian minister had chance to visit same Pakistani minister’s home in Pak, he got amazed to see an extremely wonderful home, asked the same question yeh ghar kaisey banaya Pakistani: woh saamnay bridge nazar aa raha hey? Indian: Nahi
Trichromatic Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 A Pakistani minister was very impressed to see beautiful home of his Indian counterpart friend in India, he asked: yeh ghar kaisey banaya? Indian: woh saamnay bridge nazar aa raha hey? Pakistani: Han Indian: bas uska 3% apni pocket mai After some time Indian minister had chance to visit same Pakistani ministerÃÔ home in Pak, he got amazed to see an extremely wonderful home, asked the same question yeh ghar kaisey banaya Pakistani: woh saamnay bridge nazar aa raha hey? Indian: Nahi :cantstop:
punjabi_khota Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 A Pakistani minister was very impressed to see beautiful home of his Indian counterpart friend in India, he asked: yeh ghar kaisey banaya? Indian: woh saamnay bridge nazar aa raha hey? Pakistani: Han Indian: bas uska 3% apni pocket mai After some time Indian minister had chance to visit same Pakistani ministerÃÔ home in Pak, he got amazed to see an extremely wonderful home, asked the same question yeh ghar kaisey banaya Pakistani: woh saamnay bridge nazar aa raha hey? Indian: Nahi :hysterical::hysterical: Old but gold
punjabiplaya Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 My wife nudged me awake while spooning in bed and whispered, "You're getting me very wet!" "I'm sorry love," I told her, "I was dreaming about your sister." :hysterical::hysterical:
gaurav92 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 A Pakistani minister was very impressed to see beautiful home of his Indian counterpart friend in India, he asked: yeh ghar kaisey banaya? Indian: woh saamnay bridge nazar aa raha hey? Pakistani: Han Indian: bas uska 3% apni pocket mai After some time Indian minister had chance to visit same Pakistani ministerÃÔ home in Pak, he got amazed to see an extremely wonderful home, asked the same question yeh ghar kaisey banaya Pakistani: woh saamnay bridge nazar aa raha hey? Indian: Nahi :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
jimmy321321 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 My wife left me because I'm going bald. I'm not bothered, it's hair loss.
J P K Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 A Pakistani minister was very impressed to see beautiful home of his Indian counterpart friend in India, he asked: yeh ghar kaisey banaya? Indian: woh saamnay bridge nazar aa raha hey? Pakistani: Han Indian: bas uska 3% apni pocket mai After some time Indian minister had chance to visit same Pakistani ministerÃÔ home in Pak, he got amazed to see an extremely wonderful home, asked the same question yeh ghar kaisey banaya Pakistani: woh saamnay bridge nazar aa raha hey? Indian: Nahi :hysterical::hysterical:
Sid Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 My wife left me because I'm going bald. I'm not bothered, it's hair loss. :cantstop:
jimmy321321 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Me and my flat chested wife went to see a marriage counsellor today. The counsellor asked us; "What seems to be the problem?" "Well," I said, "Dolly Parton here thinks I'm too sarcastic."
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