velu Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden, the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 A woman walks into a marriage counselling office. The counsellor says, "I know exactly why you're here. Your husband doesn't want to make love to you anymore, instead he prefers watching porn and masturbating." She exclaims, "Wow! that's correct! How did you know without even having a session with me?" The counsellor replies, "Because you're fat." :cantstop::cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted August 21, 2014 Author Posted August 21, 2014 Met Abdul coming out the local court with a long face... whats up i asked?? he replied "well things were going well with my new American girlfriend who runs the local Donkey Sanctuary, until she suggested I "Feck her Ass" to spice up our sex life.. Long story short, She's absolutely fuming and Animal Welfare are pressing charges.... :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
asterix Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 Met Abdul coming out the local court with a long face... whats up i asked?? he replied "well things were going well with my new American girlfriend who runs the local Donkey Sanctuary, until she suggested I "Feck her Ass" to spice up our sex life.. Long story short, She's absolutely fuming and Animal Welfare are pressing charges.... :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Guys, if your unsure what size Engagement ring to buy you fiancé just get a medium, If it's too small then you need to get a thinner girlfriend!! :--D
punjabiplaya Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss. The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way. The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went. The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him!!! :haha::haha::haha:
punjabiplaya Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 A guy joined a nudist camp and when he told his mom she didn't believe him. So he sent her a picture of his top half. A week later his grandma wanted a picture but he accidently sent the bottom half. Knowing she had bad eyesight, he didn't think much of it. A week later his grandma wrote a letter saying, that she didn't like his haircut, because it made his nose look too big. :--D
punjabiplaya Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Q: Why was the 6'6" guy so brokenhearted after his 4'9" girlfriend dumped him? A: He was nuts over her. :--D
punjabiplaya Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Q: What's a man's definition of safe sex? A: When his wife's out of town!! :cantstop:
adi B Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it went. The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air." :haha: Omg :hysterical::hysterical:
adi B Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Did you hear about the terrorist who hijacked a 747 full of Pakis? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 16, 2014 Author Posted September 16, 2014 Finally' date=' where were you punjabiplaya?[/quote'] went to calpe spain for my first break in 8 years...so no jokes..but im back!! :--D
punjabiplaya Posted September 16, 2014 Author Posted September 16, 2014 I went back to some girl's last night. "Thanks for the rough sex" I said to her in the morning" "What do you mean? I was really gentle" she replied. I said "I know, but you gotta admit, you look pretty rough". :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted September 16, 2014 Author Posted September 16, 2014 My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked :hysterical:
Laaloo Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 16, 2014 Author Posted September 16, 2014 Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station. The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife. No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her. "I couldn't do that," he whispered. "Your husband is my best friend!" "Listen, sugar," she whispered back, "there ain't nothing in the whole wide world could wake hime up now." "I can't believe that," Charlie said. "Certainly if I get on top of you and screw you, he'll wake up won't he? "Sugar, he certainly won't. If you don't believe me, pluck a hair out of his ass and see if that wakes him." Charlie did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife's side of the bed and fecked her. When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn't long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night. Each time Charlie screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband's ass hairs. The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered: "Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don't mind you fecking my wife, but for Pete's sake, stop using my ass for a scoreboard!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 16, 2014 Author Posted September 16, 2014 A couple of hot women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together in his groin. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him and rub him till he couldnt stop smiling! She then asked him "How does that feel?" He replied "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell." :two_thumbs_up:
velu Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 A couple of hot women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together in his groin. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him and rub him till he couldnt stop smiling! She then asked him "How does that feel?" He replied "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell." :two_thumbs_up: :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 18, 2014 Author Posted September 18, 2014 I think the wife must have lost a bit of weight lately. She's just found a tattoo. :--D
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