punjabiplaya Posted September 18, 2014 Author Posted September 18, 2014 A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?" the cashier asks. "No," the guy says, "she's not that ugly." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 18, 2014 Author Posted September 18, 2014 A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Laaloo Posted September 18, 2014 Posted September 18, 2014 A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?" the cashier asks. "No," the guy says, "she's not that ugly." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 18, 2014 Author Posted September 18, 2014 Q: What do you call a Chinese billionaire? A: Cha Ching! :haha:
kumar713 Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?" the cashier asks. "No," the guy says, "she's not that ugly." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
kumar713 Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 A couple of hot women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together in his groin. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him and rub him till he couldnt stop smiling! She then asked him "How does that feel?" He replied "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell." :two_thumbs_up: :cantstop::cantstop::cantstop:
kumar713 Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station. The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife. No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her. "I couldn't do that," he whispered. "Your husband is my best friend!" "Listen, sugar," she whispered back, "there ain't nothing in the whole wide world could wake hime up now." "I can't believe that," Charlie said. "Certainly if I get on top of you and screw you, he'll wake up won't he? "Sugar, he certainly won't. If you don't believe me, pluck a hair out of his ass and see if that wakes him." Charlie did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife's side of the bed and fecked her. When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn't long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night. Each time Charlie screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband's ass hairs. The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered: "Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don't mind you fecking my wife, but for Pete's sake, stop using my ass for a scoreboard!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Alchemist Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 They are remaking "The Good, The Bad, The Ugly" It will be released as: "Me, My Wife, My Mother in Law"
punjabiplaya Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards? A: They like the part where the prostitute gives the money back!!!!!! :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 Q: What do paki men do during foreplay? A: Tickle the goat under the chin. :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of angry Indians. They were all prepared to kill him but their Chief declared that since they were celebrating the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he killing him. The cowboy can do nothing, but obey them. The Chief comes up to him and asks: - What do you want for your first wish? - I want talk to my horse, - replies the cowboy. The Chief allows him to talk to the horse. The cowboy whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt. The Chief asks him once again: - What do you want for your second wish? - I want to talk to my horse, - once again replies the cowboy. Again, the cowboy whispers in the horse’s ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later. The chief comes up to the cowboy and asks: - So, what do you want for your last third wish? - I want to talk to my horse, - for the third time replies the cowboy. He grabs the horse by the ears and yells - You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE not PUSSY!!! :haha::haha::haha:
Gunner Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards? A: They like the part where the prostitute gives the money back!!!!!! Q: What do paki men do during foreplay? A: Tickle the goat under the chin. A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of angry Indians. They were all prepared to kill him but their Chief declared that since they were celebrating the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he killing him. The cowboy can do nothing, but obey them. The Chief comes up to him and asks: - What do you want for your first wish? - I want talk to my horse, - replies the cowboy. The Chief allows him to talk to the horse. The cowboy whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt. The Chief asks him once again: - What do you want for your second wish? - I want to talk to my horse, - once again replies the cowboy. Again, the cowboy whispers in the horse’s ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later. The chief comes up to the cowboy and asks: - So, what do you want for your last third wish? - I want to talk to my horse, - for the third time replies the cowboy. He grabs the horse by the ears and yells - You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE not PUSSY!!! :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 A guy asks his friend: - Have you talked to the hero, who has saved you mother-in-law from drowning in the river? - Yes I did. He came and apologised :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 -wife I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight... -husband: But honey, what about our kid? -wife: What kid? - husband:So you are not you pregnant?! :--D
Laaloo Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 A guy asks his friend: - Have you talked to the hero, who has saved you mother-in-law from drowning in the river? - Yes I did. He came and apologised :cantstop: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
velu Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 Q: What do paki men do during foreplay? A: Tickle the goat under the chin. :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 My wife stopped the car today and asked a guy for some directions. "What's the quickest way to get to the town centre?" she said. "Swap seats with your husband." He said. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 One day, a man walked into a dentist's surgery and asked how much it would cost to extract a wisdom tooth. "Forty quid," the dentist said. "That's a ridiculous amount," the man said. "Isn't there a cheaper way?" "Well," the dentist said, "if you don't use an anaesthetic, I can knock the price down to 30 pounds." Looking annoyed, the man said, "That's still far too expensive!" "Okay," said the dentist. "If I save on time and simply rip the tooth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to 10 pounds." "Nope," moaned the man, "it's still too much." "Well," said the dentist finally, scratching his head, "if I let one of my students do it using pliers, I suppose I can knock the price down to a fiver." "Marvelous!" said the man. "Book my wife in for next Tuesday!"
punjabiplaya Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening." Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly, puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks, "Aahhhhh!" "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks. "No... I just realised that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders!" :cantstop:
adi B Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards? A: They like the part where the prostitute gives the money back!!!!!! :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical:
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