fineleg Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 No matter how much some think marriage is between two persons, it is actually between two families (esp with respect to Indian families). How the partner gets along with your parents, grandparents etc and vice versa will be important (not in the dating phase, but after marriage). Family visits (you visiting parents in India or them visiting abroad either way), Get togethers can only be fun if there is some sort of acceptance, understanding, care, respect between the partner and family members. Otherwise no fun, just some uncomfortable or quiet time pass. So, whether love or arranged marriage, the families need to get along.
The Outsider Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 ^ BS....our families don't even talk to each other but we are a happily married couple as Salil would certify after he witnessed my wife refusing his offer of a lunch at an exclusive non vegetarian restaurant.
fineleg Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 ^ BS....our families don't even talk to each other but we are a happily married couple as Salil would certify after he witnessed my wife refusing his offer of a lunch at an exclusive non vegetarian restaurant. I'm not saying you are not happy with each other. But, dont you miss being together as a family with parents included? I mean your parents need not talk to her parents, thats just one part of it. But dont u care if your parents have a cordial relationship with your wife? If thats there, then not much problem, else there is something missing IMO. PS: BTW - why would Salil certify now that his offer of lunch got refused? :D
The Outsider Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I'm not saying you are not happy with each other. But, dont you miss being together as a family with parents included? I mean your parents need not talk to her parents, thats just one part of it. But dont u care if your parents have a cordial relationship with your wife? If thats there, then not much problem, else there is something missing IMO. PS: BTW - why would Salil certify now that his offer of lunch got refused? :D I enjoy my time with her parents, she enjoys her time with my parents, WTF should our parents be on good terms or even talking terms with each other? PS : Beacue we had "Non vegetarian" for lunch.
fineleg Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 ^ In my post # 101 above: I'm not referring to parents of each other getting along well. Thats not what I'm saying. There are love marriage cases (and even arranged), where the parents dont talk to the daughter-in-law or parents dont talk to the son-in-law. Either there is on-going issues, or cold war. Then in those cases, the son or daughter cannot be very comfortable when parents or in-laws or there, and there is all this friction. Thats no fun. Thats the main thing I was referring to.
fineleg Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 ^ which is why it is good that Macj has agreed and accepted (even though his wife is not fully convinced yet), that in the future - whatever their child chooses is the best
flamy Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 ^ BS....our families don't even talk to each other but we are a happily married couple as Salil would certify after he witnessed my wife refusing his offer of a lunch at an exclusive non vegetarian restaurant. Salil pwned! :finger:
flamy Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 dandaroy?? I am sorry...whoz the one who got married or found true love..there was a thread as well http://mywedding.com/riyalovesdinx
Ram Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 No matter how much some think marriage is between two persons, it is actually between two families (esp with respect to Indian families). How the partner gets along with your parents, grandparents etc and vice versa will be important (not in the dating phase, but after marriage). Family visits (you visiting parents in India or them visiting abroad either way), Get togethers can only be fun if there is some sort of acceptance, understanding, care, respect between the partner and family members. Otherwise no fun, just some uncomfortable or quiet time pass. So, whether love or arranged marriage, the families need to get along. Its tough enough to get along with another women in the house, now you want the guys to get along with their mums, dads, nannies, nephews and nieces? Rejected! :omg:
veeru_rocks Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 It confirms what I always knew The North is as conservative as the south. In the south, they usually don't marry across different faiths (within Hindus) like Vaishnavities and Shivites. In other words, Iyers and Iyengars don't seek alliances with each other. I am talking about arranged marriages. I have talked to older goras (and even chinese) who are in awe about arranged marriages. They think it will work better than their system. But, for Indians especially women, Love marriages are the best option. In arranged marriages, there is too much sexism and discrimination. It is more prone to failure than any other option. I disagree again all around me all i see is scared husband and roaring wife, my mother included.. Even my wife has embarked on the same trail and am sure someday this presetn day equallity will give way to wife-rule:giggle:
veeru_rocks Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Usually two set of phoney status conscious people seldom get along.. In my case my father would not care even if you abuse him in face let alone those left-handed humiliations and sarcasm that usually flows in these sort of relationships. My mother can't even tell when somoene is insulting her. She is blissfully oblivious. My father in law heck even if you hold gun to his head wud not insult anyone unless you are a pakistani chess-opponent of his . Then god save you. Something tells me he entertains pakistani friends of his only for the purpose of humiliating them in chess games. That lives my mother-in-law.. She is capable of insulting others but given how my parents are even she doesn't bother. So for me there are no worries. Although she is at loggerheads with in-laws of sister-in-law . The kind of usual subliminal humiliation exchange during and after the wedding was a spectacle to behold. I so often pull her legs saying, " I didn't know you were capable of these things." I asked her hope you don't treat my parents that way. Her reply was, "They are too good to be treated with anything other than respect." Reason behind all the hostility between my in-laws and my sister-in-law's in-laws is solicitation of dowry. Her husband was dead against dowry but her in-laws coming from begusarai had high hopes apropos dowry. What is sad is they actually were getting everything they asked for anyway but were cheap enough to send long list of trifle objects along with the money demand etc
King Tendulkar Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Then what explains the prevalence of FATASS BALD UGLY MOFOS wearing white checked shirts getting LEAD roles in south movies ? Those guys would find it tough to find a role as a dhobi in a proper bollywood movie. I mean the most stylish hero Telugu films have got is Mahesh Babu, and at the very best, he could probably hope to play the guy who rapes hero's sister in a Bollywood movie. If south is so stylish, why can't they get more stylish stars ? And why are these people so famous then ? :hysterical::hysterical:
fineleg Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Its tough enough to get along with another women in the house, now you want the guys to get along with their mums, dads, nannies, nephews and nieces? Rejected! :omg: MM, I'm not talking about pally-pally get along. But at the same time, if each of them turn away from each other and look at different direction, then is that a good family situation? Some basic mutual respect, and get along is what I'm talking about and that too with immediate family like parents.
Desi Cartman Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I enjoy my time with her parents' date= she enjoys her time with my parents, WTF should our parents be on good terms or even talking terms with each other? PS : Beacue we had "Non vegetarian" for lunch. I agree but in some cases the bloody rishtedars want the entire khandaan to be happy with each other and it doesnt work. I have had my share of headaches trying to figure it out ... This fake bhaichara between khandaan is the only reason that I have had arguments with my wife. The funny thing is that its not between her parents and my parents in fact people who have issues are her family and my uncle-aunties. We have a different problem since we have a lot of common rishtedars We have NEVER EVER had a fight since we have known each other for any reason other than her family and my family getting along. Last year we both decided to give up on resolving this mess.
punjabi_khota Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 MM, I'm not talking about pally-pally get along. But at the same time, if each of them turn away from each other and look at different direction, then is that a good family situation? Some basic mutual respect, and get along is what I'm talking about and that too with immediate family like parents. For first time ever, I agree with you fineleg.
fineleg Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 For first time ever' date=' I agree with you fineleg.[/quote'] Maybe we are made for each other :icflove: You teach me punjabi stuff, and i'll teach u rajnikantz
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