punjabiplaya Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 My wife and her friend were having a conversation about how useless men are when my wife said, "They can't do two things at once." At this, I interrupted and said, "Actually I can!" "Give me an example," she replied. "Well, while I was shag*ng you last night, I was thinking about your friend." :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 After queueing up for almost half an hour in the chemist last week, I finally got to the counter and the woman looked at me and said, "I'm really sorry about your wait." In a rattled state, I replied, "You're not so fecking skinny yourself, actually." :--D
beetle Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 After queueing up for almost half an hour in the chemist last week, I finally got to the counter and the woman looked at me and said, "I'm really sorry about your wait." In a rattled state, I replied, "You're not so fecking skinny yourself, actually." :--D :haha::haha:
punjabiplaya Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 I bumped into an old friend today. I said, "Been so long, Dave. Are you married now?" "Yeah. How about your wife?" he smiled, "I imagine she is a beauty." I hung my head low, a tear running down my cheek, and said, "She was..." "Oh dear, when did she die?" "She didn't, she just got fat." :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Koreans have recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an instant noodle snack. It's called Not Poodle. :--D
punjabiplaya Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Watched 12 Years A Slave..cannot believe the horror , cruelty and exploitation a man can do to fellow man. Fecking £8 for popcorn and coke!
punjabiplaya Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 I was in hospital visiting my wife after her operation when the nurse suggested it might help if I adjusted my wife's pillows to make it more comfortable. She wasn't wrong. Taking my wife's two pillows and putting them on my chair was a lot more comfortable :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 One day, there was a legless man lying on a beach. Three women came walking along. The women feel sorry for the man and ask him questions. The 1st woman asks him, "Have you ever been hugged?". He replies "No" and she gives him a big hug. The 2nd woman asks him, "Have you ever been kissed?". He replies "No" and she kisses him. The 3rd woman asks him, "Have you ever been fecked?". In delight he replies, "No I haven't". She laughs and replies "Well you're fecked the tides coming in." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
gaurav92 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I was in hospital visiting my wife after her operation when the nurse suggested it might help if I adjusted my wife's pillows to make it more comfortable. She wasn't wrong. Taking my wife's two pillows and putting them on my chair was a lot more comfortable :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Laaloo Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Made in china chale toh chand tak nahin toh raat tak
punjabiplaya Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 After reaching across the table and taking my plate, the waitress looked at me and said, "Did you enjoy that, sir?" "Very much so," I replied, licking my lips, "You have the most amazing boobs."
punjabiplaya Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 A man received the following text from his neighbour: I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife". :--D
punjabiplaya Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 After the tragic events in which twenty seven people were killed in a knife rampage in China yesterday, comes the next nearly impossible task for the authorities. Identifying the victims!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Lord Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 After the tragic events in which twenty seven people were killed in a knife rampage in China yesterday, comes the next nearly impossible task for the authorities. Identifying the victims!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :cantstop:
Cricket_Hacker Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 After the tragic events in which twenty seven people were killed in a knife rampage in China yesterday, comes the next nearly impossible task for the authorities. Identifying the victims!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::haha:B->
gaurav92 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 After the tragic events in which twenty seven people were killed in a knife rampage in China yesterday, comes the next nearly impossible task for the authorities. Identifying the victims!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Ouch. :cantstop:
beetle Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 After the tragic events in which twenty seven people were killed in a knife rampage in China yesterday, comes the next nearly impossible task for the authorities. Identifying the victims!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: ouch ouch!!!! :haha::haha::haha: That is nasty ...
punjabiplaya Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 I was having my hair cut, at the hairdressers today, when the fit bird doing my hair asked "How much would you like off the top sir?" "The blouse and the bra please!" I replied. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Ah, I was just remembering being at school - smoking with the 5th year lads behind the bike sheds, trying to cop off with all the girls, throwing stink bombs in through the staff room window..... The headmaster said I was the worst caretaker they'd ever had. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
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