punjabiplaya Posted November 2, 2014 Author Posted November 2, 2014 Study: 25% of British toddlers know how to use an iPad. That's nothing. 100% of Chinese toddlers know how to make one. :--D
punjabiplaya Posted November 2, 2014 Author Posted November 2, 2014 I was talking to my grandad about martial arts yesterday , and I asked him if he knew where the word 'Kung fu' came from. Grandad said, "my old school playground." So I asked, "how is that, then?" And grandad said, "during school dinner break, I once threw a brick at a Chinese lad and it hit him right on the back of the head and he turned and screamed, 'Wot Kung fu dat?'" :cantstop:
velu Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 An Afghan, upon landing at Islamabad Airport, introduced himself to a Pakistan Immigration Officer, as Ex-Minister of Ports & Shipping of Afghanistan. The Pakistani Officer was surprised, and asked: "But there is no sea in Afghanistan. How can you be the ex Minister of Ports & Shipping?" The Afghan replied: "Wallah ya habibi, don't you have a Minister for Law & Justice in Pakistan?" Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk
Lord Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me. She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." "Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :haha:
Lord Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I was talking to my grandad about martial arts yesterday , and I asked him if he knew where the word 'Kung fu' came from. Grandad said, "my old school playground." So I asked, "how is that, then?" And grandad said, "during school dinner break, I once threw a brick at a Chinese lad and it hit him right on the back of the head and he turned and screamed, 'Wot Kung fu dat?'" :cantstop: didnt get it
Laaloo Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 In South Los Angeles , a 4-plex home was destroyed by a fire. A Mexican family of six, all welfare recipients and gang members, lived on the first floor. They died. An Islamic group of seven welfare cheats, all illegally in the country from Kenya , lived on the second floor. They, too, all perished. Six LA, Hispanic, gang bangers & ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor. They, too, died. A white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived the fire. Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious!!They flew into LA and met with the fire chief. On camera, they loudly demanded to know why blacks, Muslims and Hispanics all died in the fire and why only the white couple lived? The Fire Chief said, "They were at work
punjabiplaya Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Yesterday I ran into my ex. She said that she would buy me a new iPhone if I spend the night with her. Huh women are such hoes! Sent from my iPhone6.
punjabiplaya Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Just seen a Jew having a fight with a Scot. or as I like to call it, "clash of the tight 'uns" :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Me and my pakistani neighbour have just had a great time having a pillow fight. I won. The secret is to stuff a few bricks in there. :--D
kumar713 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 A guy proposed a one pound bar bet to a full figured girl. Despite her dress being buttoned to the neck, he bet he could touch her breasts without touching her clothes. Since this didn't seem remotely possible, she was intrigued and accepted the bet. He stepped up, cupped his hands around her breasts and squeezed firmly. With a baffled look, she said, "Hey, you touched my clothes." And he replied: "Okay. I owe you a pound." :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
kumar713 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me. She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." "Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
velu Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 A lady is driving for the 1st time on an expressway. Her husband calls on her mobile & says: "Be careful my love. It's just been on the radio, that some one is driving opposite to the traffic on the expressway.." She replies: "Someone......?? These rascals are in hundreds.!!!
Utalk Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 An Afghan, upon landing at Islamabad Airport, introduced himself to a Pakistan Immigration Officer, as Ex-Minister of Ports & Shipping of Afghanistan. The Pakistani Officer was surprised, and asked: "But there is no sea in Afghanistan. How can you be the ex Minister of Ports & Shipping?" The Afghan replied: "Wallah ya habibi, don't you have a Minister for Law & Justice in Pakistan?" Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk Good one.
punjabiplaya Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 Wife: Meri sharafat dekho.. Maine tumhe dekhe bagair shaadi karli... Husband: Aur meri sharafat dekho.. Maine dekh kar bhi inkaar nahi kiya.. Wife: Phone pe itni dheemi awaaz mein kis se baat kar rahe ho? Husband: Behen hai..! Wife: To fir itni dheemi aawaz mein kis liye? Husband: Teri hai is liye.. WIFE: Suno ji, agar tumhare baal isi raftaar se jhadte rahe toh main tumhein talaaq de doongi!! Pati: Ya Allah, aur main paagal inko bachaane ki koshish kar raha tha..... Wife: Tum Saari Duniya Mein Bhi Dhoondo To Bhi Mujh Jaisi Doosri Nahi Milegi...... Husband: Tum Kya Samajhti Ho? Main Doosri Bhi Tum Jaisi Hi Dhoondoon ga..! Hadd Ho Gayi..
punjabiplaya Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 I was confused when I read one of the girl's facebook status as, "Bang Bang tomorrow night"... Feeling Excited! - With Rahul and 12 others... I was more confused when her next status was ..haider was better
punjabiplaya Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 Men will always be Men - Once a group of men decided to go for Tirth Yatra. Their guide explained to them that they might see some ladies bathing in open and they should not get distracted at all. When they see anything like that, they should just say HARI OM and move on. Next day they started the yatra and one of the men in the group said- "HARI OM" and rest of them said- "KIDHAR HAI, KIDHAR HAI!"
punjabiplaya Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 Scientists were playing hide & seek in heaven. Einstein was seeker. Newton didn't hide & stood in a square of 1 meter. Einstein: I found u Newton !! Thhappa !!! Newton: U are Wrong. I am not Newton. As I am standing in 1 mtr square, I am Newton/per mt sq. So I am Pascal. Aatli Batli Futli...
punjabiplaya Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 gf: "Teri ZIP khul nahi rahi yaar" bf: "Thoda aur try kar" gf: "Kar to rahi hoon. Nahi khul rahi" . bf: "Accha ruk. PDF bhejta hoon".
punjabiplaya Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 A man walks into a library and says, "Hi, I understand you have a new book on small co*ks." The librarian replies, "I'm afraid it isn't in yet." :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 I went to counselling to discuss the sex problem my wife and I have been having. I told her, "She wants sex every few hours and she is never satisfied. She talks about it all the time and flirts with me suggestively all day long." She replied, "Most men would kill for that, are you stressed or tired at the moment?" "No" I said, "She is fat." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
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