punjabiplaya Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 I was on a 3rd date with a girl I quite liked, and we were talking about having a sexual relationship. I winked at her and said "when it comes to sex, I hope you're really flexible" and giggled. She smiled seductively and said, "well, I actually used to be a gymnast" "Sorry, I mean, i'll want to feck other women." :cantstop::cantstop::cantstop::cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 A daughter asks her mother, "What is a Nymphomaniac?" "It's a female who's addicted to sex." she replies. "I see...but what about men who are addicted to sex? What are they called?" "....Men." :--D
Guest PrancingHorse Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Wife: Meri sharafat dekho.. Maine tumhe dekhe bagair shaadi karli... Husband: Aur meri sharafat dekho.. Maine dekh kar bhi inkaar nahi kiya.. Wife: Phone pe itni dheemi awaaz mein kis se baat kar rahe ho? Husband: Behen hai..! Wife: To fir itni dheemi aawaz mein kis liye? Husband: Teri hai is liye.. WIFE: Suno ji, agar tumhare baal isi raftaar se jhadte rahe toh main tumhein talaaq de doongi!! Pati: Ya Allah, aur main paagal inko bachaane ki koshish kar raha tha..... Wife: Tum Saari Duniya Mein Bhi Dhoondo To Bhi Mujh Jaisi Doosri Nahi Milegi...... Husband: Tum Kya Samajhti Ho? Main Doosri Bhi Tum Jaisi Hi Dhoondoon ga..! Hadd Ho Gayi.. :haha::clap:
punjabiplaya Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Looking back, I can pinpoint the precise moment that my marriage turned sour. We were in bed, kissing and caressing each other, running our hands up and down each others bodies, experiencing wave after wave of pleasure. After what seemed like hours, we brought each other to a shuddering climax and I held her in my arms. She brought her lips close to my ear, to whisper words of love... And that's when my wife walked in. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 My Chinese neighbours just had a baby and they asked me who it looked like more, the mum or the dad. I have been sitting here for 3 hours now without answering, I'm pretty sure this is a trick question. :cantstop::cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 I do love these lesbians who say they will never be interested in anything a bloke has to offer ...then order the latest c*ck shaped dildo... :finger:
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 I came home from work this evening and said to my wife, "Are we having salad for dinner?" "Yes we are, how did you know?" she asked. I replied, "Because I can't hear the smoke alarm." :--D
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 I phoned my girlfriend, and said, "I was thinking dinner at my place tonight, think you can make it?" She said, "I'll be there at seven, babe." I replied, "Make it five, the dinner won't prepare itself." :cantstop::cantstop::cantstop:
velu Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 I phoned my girlfriend, and said, "I was thinking dinner at my place tonight, think you can make it?" She said, "I'll be there at seven, babe." I replied, "Make it five, the dinner won't prepare itself." :cantstop::cantstop::cantstop: :hysterical::hysterical:
beetle Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I bought my wife a diamond ring and she promised a*al sex in return. "This wasn't quite what I had in mind," I said, as she introduced me to Paul, her hairdresser. :haha::haha:
punjabiplaya Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 I was fecking my secretary when my wife walked in. "I can't stand watching you do this..." she sobbed. So I pulled out a chair for her. :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 Abdul was smiling ear to ear he was saying that a recent study shows that masturbating twice weekly increases life expectancy by 20%. I've done the maths he said. I am immortal. :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his penis in preparation for sex with his wife. Johnny's father, in an attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously 'What ya doin dad?' His father quickly replied, 'I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.' To which Little Johnny replied 'What ya gonna do, feck him?' :hysterical::hysterical:
kumar713 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I was confused when I read one of the girl's facebook status as, "Bang Bang tomorrow night"... Feeling Excited! - With Rahul and 12 others... I was more confused when her next status was ..haider was better :haha:
kumar713 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I phoned my girlfriend, and said, "I was thinking dinner at my place tonight, think you can make it?" She said, "I'll be there at seven, babe." I replied, "Make it five, the dinner won't prepare itself." :cantstop::cantstop::cantstop: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
kumar713 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I was fecking my secretary when my wife walked in. "I can't stand watching you do this..." she sobbed. So I pulled out a chair for her. :cantstop: :haha::haha:
velu Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I was fecking my secretary when my wife walked in. "I can't stand watching you do this..." she sobbed. So I pulled out a chair for her. :cantstop: :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 14, 2014 Author Posted November 14, 2014 The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the murder of her husband. They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed suicide. :hysterical::hysterical:
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