velu Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 A wise Chinese man once said, "If a dog barks it's undercooked" :haha: :hysterical::hysterical:
kumar713 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 A wise Chinese man once said, "If a dog barks it's undercooked" :haha: :haha:
kumar713 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I answered the phone and it was the wife's therapist, "I'm sorry, she cant come to the phone, she has a lot on her plate at the moment, " I said, "I'm sorry to hear that, is she not so well again? " She asked, "no, she's fine " I replied, "the fat bi*ch is just having her dinner." :hysterical::hysterical: :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted November 21, 2014 Author Posted November 21, 2014 I bought a diamond necklace today for a Christmas present and my wife almost caught me hiding it. Thank feck she didn't see it, or she might have thought it was for her!! :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted November 21, 2014 Author Posted November 21, 2014 Two women are chatting in an office. Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?" Woman 2: "Yes." Woman 1: "Was it good?" Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?" Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!" At the same time, their husbands are talking at work. Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?" Husband 2: "Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?" Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't climax for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!" :--D
punjabiplaya Posted November 21, 2014 Author Posted November 21, 2014 Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that, despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Cilla says, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer. Lets go back to my 'ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun." So they went back to her place and got comfortable. After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma willie in your right hand." Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay." He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before. Then Sean says, 'Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to......." "I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun." Cilla complies with the routine. The results this time are absolutely mind blowing. Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks. "Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?" Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla, but the last time I shlept with a scouser, the bi*ch stole ma wallet." :haha:
kumar713 Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 I bought a diamond necklace today for a Christmas present and my wife almost caught me hiding it. Thank feck she didn't see it, or she might have thought it was for her!! :haha: :cantstop:
kumar713 Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 Two women are chatting in an office. Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?" Woman 2: "Yes." Woman 1: "Was it good?" Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?" Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!" At the same time, their husbands are talking at work. Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?" Husband 2: "Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?" Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't climax for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!" :--D :haha:
vayuu1 Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 1. When I was born,,I was given a choice -A big dick or a good memory.I don’t remember, what I chose. 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object.Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...' 5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop',unless they are used together. 6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. 7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life:Tri Weekly,Try Weekly, and Try Weakly. 8. Virginity can be cured. 9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity. 10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. 11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small. 12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy 13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss,only down under. 14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing. ..... 15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life? A: Life sucks,job sucks,and the wife doesn't. 16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A::Breasts don’t have eyes.
punjabiplaya Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 I was in the pub earlier and some bloke walked in. He had a massive right bicep, right leg and right shoulder but a really puny left hand side. I laughed to the landlord and said look at the state of that. The landlord said "keep It down mate, you really don't wanna get on the wrong side of him" :--D
punjabiplaya Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 What's better than winning the lottery? Winning it the day after your divorce comes through. :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 I phoned my mother-in-law and said, "Your daughter hasn't been home in days." She replied, "I know, she is here with me, she's not coming back." "I know, I'm just going through my phone book to tell everyone the good news." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 23, 2014 Author Posted November 23, 2014 My wife walked out on me saying she's leaving because apparently "we don't talk anymore." Well, that's what my neighbour told me she said anyway. :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 23, 2014 Author Posted November 23, 2014 All these religious fanatics and there ideas of whats happens in the afterlife.... My mate said, "Do you think there's life after death?" I said, "Yeah, it's called divorce." :haha:
velu Posted November 23, 2014 Posted November 23, 2014 Sardar was lying on beach,... Amrican: R u Relaxing? Sardar: No i m GopalSingh, Anothr Amrcn: R u relaxing? Sardar: No I m gopal Singh Anothr Amrcn: R u relaxing? Sardar: No (Shouting) I m gopal Singh Sardar left tht place in anger.... Then Sardar asks one American lying nearby.. R u relaxing? American: Yes. Sardar slaps him & says, Haramkhor sab tujhe dhoond rahe hain ... aur tu yahan leta hua hai...
punjabiplaya Posted November 23, 2014 Author Posted November 23, 2014 Genetically, Chinese people have fewer apocrine glands in their armpits than black or white people, which means their sweat doesn't smell, so very few of them need to wear deodorant. Take note Pakis, that's CHINESE people, not you :--D:--D
vvvslaxman Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 Genetically, Chinese people have fewer apocrine glands in their armpits than black or white people, which means their sweat doesn't smell, so very few of them need to wear deodorant. Take note Pakis, that's CHINESE people, not you :--D:--D On a serious note. a chinese roommate we had for a while smelled like fish. He would never take bath.
gattaca Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 On a serious note. a chinese roommate we had for a while smelled like fish. He would never take bath. May be its all the seafood he ate.
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