Chalks

The Socceroos are taking up far, far more of our attention right now, y’all. And anyway the FIFA World Cup isn’t a one-horse race like women’s cricket mostly is (let’s be real, it’s usually Australia by how far ).

NZ are Australia's bitches in men's and women's cricket, the exact reverse of rugby union (where Wallabies haven't won the Bledisloe Cup since 2002, and Wallaroos have never beaten the Black Ferns (never gotten close, in fact)).

Apologies everyone - this test is being played at WACA, not Optus.

Dear Sir John. <3 I hope he is still with us.

Test is at Perth (Optus) Stadium btw, not WACA.

Australia have well and truly surpassed the now-lose-regularly-at-home Indian team as the ultimate Home Track Bullies.

"BazBall" term, like "Bodyline", was coined by someone in the media. I don't think the Eng team themselves have ever used it.

Cooper Connolly and Campbell Kellaway (to name but two) are early 20s, and have all the talent. Up to Australian cricket to properly nurture these types. Sam Konstas put in that performance in Melbourne last year - which the Aussie team's media lackeys can't stop creaming themselves over - and got found out after that (even if Bumrah probably hasn't been the same since). Uzzie Khawaja's debut test, and Michael Clarke's first test as Australia captain.

Delete England. To think we were more competitive than this rabble twelve months ago, and that Australia were lucky to win 3-1 then.

Yes, won Gabba test with a bowling line up of Mohd. Siraj, one test wonder Thangarasu Natarajan (picked from the nets, iIrc), Navdeep Saini (who went wicketless), Lord Thakur, and Washi Bhai.

The Sir Aggy 6/41 game… He would do Indian cricket almost as big a favour now if he stepped down from his current role (and took Gauti with him).

Archer hasn't been the same bowler since all his injury issues. Wood also has had too many injuries and is underdone. Probably time to look past those two now. Also Josh Tongue might have been a better option on this wicket than C.Arse. Spent four years building up for this series, and they might lose it 5-0.

Seems likely now that Khawaja (at 38/39) may have played his last test. Unfortunate for him, but not everyone gets to choose how or when they finish.

James Pattinson was good, but had terrible luck with injuries (esp. back). He played tests as recently as the NZ home series in 2019/20 (the last pre-COVID series). Like him, most of the pace bowlers coming through now have issues with injuries. If Lance Morris can get right (very big “IF”, I know), he’s a definite prospect.

FMD that’s an even worse capitulation from these clowns than Adelaide 2006. 5-0 loading yet again.

This mediocre Australian team is again going to be hyped by their media lickspittles. * you England you useless spuds.

I think to be brutally honest someone like Jhye Richardson (Perth is his home track) is missed even more than Cummins and Hazlewood. Unfortunately he's also out injured atm.

Moral victors, that's all that counts. Just ask England.

The last two Ashes series in England (both finishing 2-2) are up there. In 2019, Steve Smith returned from his sandpaper ban with a monster series, Jofra Archer arrived in Test cricket with a bang, the Ben Stokes heroics at Headingley. Then the "BazBall" series in '23, where the four tests that were played to a result all could have gone either way (and that's not even mentioning everything that went on within the series).

Test 100 in Australia is his final frontier. He is unquestionably an ATG (and among his contemporaries, only Steve Smith comes close), but until he does this he cannot really be compared to SRT.

We already have the Lara-Tendulkar Gates at the SCG. Also this is England v India. What does Lara have to do with the English team?

Maybe it should have just remained a straight knockout tournament like the first two editions (1998 and 2000)?

Gonna be another Australia v New Zealand final, with Australia winning as usual.

Another “moral” victory for England…

Beau Webster in for Marsh, as I sort of predicted. Said it before, the oldies in the Aussie side badly need a series win here so they can justify hanging around till end of Ashes series in 12 months' time (which is the endgame it seems a significant number of them have in mind).