Dada chronicles

[CSK Fan]

Meant as a bit of fun, not to ridicule any player. Also completley fiction I repeat, this is completely fiction. All characters, though having fammiliar names are figments of my imagination. Any co-incidence is regretted. Not meant to offend anyone. 29/02/08 06:30 am : God, I am so excited. Gary, would be arriving today! I went through my list again. A bottle of champagne – check. Chocolate – check. Red roses – hmm, they look a bit wilted. Splashing them with water didn’t help. Maybe Gary won’t mind. Where on earth was Sachin? Didn’t he know the importance of making a good impression on the new coach considering what happened with the last one. And he was the one who told me that Gary would be arriving today and that I shouldn’t tell anyone. Ok, phone, maybe that’s him. “Yes, where are you, do you know the time”? You what? I didn’t know you even had a dog. Yes, I will give your regards to Gary, yes, I understand, your dog comes first”. 13:30 : I am so hungry. Sachin forgot to tell me which train Gary was coming by. I have tried to call but he is not answering his phone. His dog must be really serious. Can’t get up to eat or go to the loo as I don’t wanna miss Gary’s train. Guess I will have to hold it in just like I did at the Lord’s test match where no matter what I did, the morons kept dropping my catches. On top of all no one seems to recognize me though I made sure I wore my Indian team t-shirt. Maybe I should have worn my test T-shirt, its been a while since I have played an ODI. Aah, here come two young guys for my autograph finally! “err..”, goes one of them Me : Yes, yes, don’t be embarrassed. Its your lucky day Guy 1 : When is your next book coming out. Me : What? (I thought my biography was a secret, can’t trust these writers nowadays!). Guy 1: “Aapni ki thatha korcho Sarat Babu? Me: huh? Guy 2: See I told you Sarat Chandra was dead. Not everyone with a snub nose is Sarat. Guy: Yeah, you are right, he is too dumb to be a writer, here’s your Rs100. 17:00 : Hungry, thirsty and liable to wet my pants any time. Which brings me to the question. Is life worth living. No, let me paraphrase. Is life worth living for an ex-captain of India. Why is that old timer staring at me. He is coming this way too. He must remember my 96 knock, a fine one that was too! Old man: Don’t you have any shame left. How dare you flaunt in public after embarrassing India? Me: I… huh, I , it was Chappel” Old man: Not even qualified for the world cup. What will Dhyanchand’s spirit say? And how dare you wear your hockey shirt in public. He waved his cane in front of my face. Old Man: Bring back Dhanraj Pillai! 20:00 Too hungry to wait. Have counted 2354 trains, none of them had a firangi, let alone Gary. Sachin’s not answering his phone still 21:00 Damn the taxi driver. Charged me double when I told him who I was. What is that loud sound coming from Sachin’s room Sachin’s voice : And that moron would be still waiting there. Loud laughter, Ganguly knocks. Sachin opens the door and greets Ganguly with a surprised expression Sachin : Back already? Me: Gary did not turn up! Sachin: Sorry yaar, I tried to call you so many times but your phone was busy. You should lay off the girls you know. I know you are very handsome and everything but you are married now. Me(bit mollified): Yes, but why didn’t he arrive yet? Sachin: It seems he is coming tomorrow instead. And he is actually coming by flight. It seems they don’t have trains from Durban to Mumbai yet. Me: Oh, ok! To be continued………………………………….

[Rajiv]

:haha:

[zubinpepsi]

:hysterical: good one...

[Gambit]

This board is full of comedians :hysterical: Keep it coming :D

[CSK Fan]

01/03/08 10:00 : Almost had a heart attack when I caught a glimpse of Gary getting off his car. For a moment I was sure that Chappel was back. I am not racist or anything but all these white guys look so alike. Was the first one to run and garland him. Did it so well that he must have confused me for one of the welcoming ladies and brushed me aside with a “shukriya”. Couldn’t get a word in edgewise as that idiot Sehwag hogged the attention, regaling Gary with his knock of 150 in Australia. I mean it was a good knock but a ball by ball description? But it ended on a happy note. When introduced, Gary said. “Yes, I know all about you. But remember, I am not Chappel!” Which is of course a good thing 14:00 : Is it just me or has Gary been avoiding me? There is no reason though he might be a bit intimidated by my celebrity. I mean I was very polite and everything. I took Sachin’s advice and went up to him and enquired about the black eye Akhtar had given him( and which Sachin said was very memorable to him) and how, it was almost gone and only looked ugly if seen from an angle, but he didn’t seem very happy about it. Hardly thanked me for the roses and Chocolate (thought I saw the roses in a dustbin behind the hotel but it might be someone else’s). Maybe the guy was just tired from the journey. I always thought trains were better. To be continued………………………………….

[Bumper]

:haha:, not bad for a first attempt, hope to see you write more!

[theguyinallblue]

:hysterical::hysterical:.. i enjoyed it..

[DomainK]

:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

[Dhondy]

I took Sachin’s advice and went up to him and enquired about the black eye Akhtar had given him( and which Sachin said was very memorable to him) and how, it was almost gone and only looked ugly if seen from an angle, but he didn’t seem very happy about it. Hardly thanked me for the roses and Chocolate (thought I saw the roses in a dustbin behind the hotel but it might be someone else’s). Maybe the guy was just tired from the journey. I always thought trains were better.

Not bad for a first attempt? It's absolutely fab!! Can't wait to read the next instalment.:adore::adore:

[CSK Fan]

Sorry guys, am away for a vacation at Munnar. Will update as soon as I am back in Bangalore.

[DomainK]

This is seriously hilarious stuff.....just too cool.:hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:

[The Outsider]

:hysterical::hysterical: Superb stuff. Gambit/Bumper you've got competition!

[umpire]

>I am not racist or anything but all these white guys look so alike. LMAO

[CSK Fan]

02/03/08 06:30 : Net practise starts today :((. Didnt sleep a wink. Went to bed with two books I had bought recently. The first one, "1001 ways to avoid coaching sessions", proved to be a dud. I am considering suing the publisher on two accounts. First, Why on earth would someone name a book to do with tution classes for higher secondary students as "coaching sessions"? Second, where was the book when I needed it about 15 years ago? But, it was not all bad. The second book, "How to fake a brain tumour", was very educational though I think I will reserve it for something serious, like avoiding the summer camp we are gonna have or the series against Bangladesh during Durga Puja. People dont seem to realise the art involved in avoiding net practises. Every excuse must be crafted according to the personality of the coach. Borde would believe you when you say that you couldnt field because you had a sore throat but with Robin it has to be a swollen ankle. (For tips on how to achieve this read "How to break an arm in an almost painless way" by Lookma Nohans). Kapil Dev would believe a sob story about your cousin being terminaly ill but John Wright would want the name of the Doctor. And Chappel..........., lets not even go there. As a poet once said, somethings are sent by God to test our strength. 09:30: God, I didnt know anyone could make such a huge fuss just because I was 30 minutes late. Guess he has to put up a show for BCCI, being a new coach and everything. Gary: You are a senior player, you are supposed to set an example for the youngsters. I want to clear things upfront. I wont stand tardiness. And I have gone through your dossier and comments made by previous coaches. You must be the only person in cricket history who brought a runner for a net practise and a substitute for a fielding session. And stop chewing that gum when I am speaking to you. Another half an hour was wasted while he chewed me up but I was glad because it meant that I only had an hour of practise to go. I always knew that "The psychology of avoiding work", was a good investment! I wanted to show my cover drives to Gary but he wasnt even looking my way when I batted. Sachin came to the rescue however. He lobbed me some easy balls and asked me to slog it towards Gary. Unfortuantely, I hit the ball better than I have been doing for the last 5 years and Gary decided to turn at the same time. That was the end of the practise session for the day

File picture of Gary right after my shot

[graphic23]

Haha! Nice. I like the bit about the substitute fielder and the runner for fielding sessions and net practice. That was brilliant. The first paragraph is very nice as well! Good job! Keep going! :two_thumbs_up: :hatsoff:

[Ram]

ou must be the only person in cricket history who brought a runner for a net practise and a substitute for a fielding session. And stop chewing that gum when I am speaking to you.

:haha:

[flamy]

oooo good stuff!! :two_thumbs_up:

[Bumper]

Great work "My two cent". The IPL has taken the focus away from your thread. Keep 'em coming. I'd like to see you write "Akhtar's Chronicles", that should be a real fun read :-)

[CSK Fan]

Great work "My two cent". The IPL has taken the focus away from your thread. Keep 'em coming. I'd like to see you write "Akhtar's Chronicles", that should be a real fun read :-)

Thanks. And Akhtar Chronicles,hmm, I will chuck it out :haha:

[CSK Fan]

0900 : Didnt make the ODI squad again. I am shattered. I woke up at 6 everyday to get Gary's milk, ran errands for him, heck even lathered his back in the shower. What more can a player do to earn his place? Not to forget all those runs I scored last year against Bangladesh! Dhoni gave me that triumphant look again. I know I shouldnt have supported Nehra when he abused him. That is the reason I never mess with people even on the streets. You never know who could end up being the captain, or worse, a selector for the Indian team! I remember when I joined the team, they told me the tale of a senior player who did not tip his taxi driver and the next week, there was a new chief selector and he was out of the team. While he was leaving, the chief selector took him to a corner and said, "Its still not too late for that tip, but the price has gone up". How disgraceful its to be labelled a "test player". Why I had never played tests in my life before my debut for the team and I remember thinking that the reason we were batting slow and taking our time was to not get our new white team dresses dirty. Now Dravid, he is a test player. He even talks like a test player. I remember how defensive he was when I was dropped after he became captain Me: Why was I dropped Dravid: No, no, not me. It was Chappel Me: Yes, but why? Dravid: I didnt even know you were dropped Me : How on earth could you not being the captain and in the selection meeting Dravid(surprised): I am a captain? I thought I was there to carry Chappel's laptop for him! Why doesnt anyone tell me anything? So thats why the coach patted me on the back and said I was an asset to the nation. Tha only thing which kept me from going to pieces was the look on Dravid's face when he learnt he was dropped too. Ha ha, take that. I also heard Gary talking loudly to him Gary: I dont care what Chappel did. You are not to wait outside my hotel room at night. No, no one is going to slap me so you dont need to protect me. For God's sake, leave that alone, the hotel already has a cleaning boy to do that! Dravid: But I cant sleep in my bed anymore, I am used to sleeping while standing up