The Outsider Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 :two_thumbs_up: Forbidden fruit is sweet! Does your family know about it now? Sorry if this sounds presumptuous - I am not being intrusive but rather trying to understand the dynamics of handling such situations with Indian guardians who consider live-ins as "social evils" or "time pass". If you notice a pattern generally though, people who do things for the right reasons are always happier than those who do it as a social prescription. Like I said earlier in this thread, one should try to understand his/her needs and keep it at a higher priority than the needs of mother/father wishes (for ex - I want to see my grand children etc.). In the same vein, the couple should also be able to take full responsibility of their decisions - basically they should treat and (more importantly) act like adults. A lot of "kids" love to be pampered and wouldn't want to move outside their comfort zones. Mine does, hers doesn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 Not really. When I graduated, things were good as my grandparents lived with my uncle. Which led me to accept a job 15-20 min. drive from my parents' house. Between the time I got the job and the grandparents moved in, my parents bought a big house where my brother and I could have plenty of space to do w/e. Now I have no logical excuse to move out other than finding a job where I would have to move. I've done all of that. I've tried explaining things to her. She does a lot of religious stuff inside and outside the house so I tried explaining how religion is all about acceptance and forgiving others but to no avail. My dad's tired of it too. I told her that b/c of her behavior (rational or not) I find it extremely difficult to think of marriage. Threaten to move out(let her know it is because of not letting the past go)...or better still move out....even if it is for some time only. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jf1gp_1 Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 Not really. When I graduated, things were good as my grandparents lived with my uncle. Which led me to accept a job 15-20 min. drive from my parents' house. Between the time I got the job and the grandparents moved in, my parents bought a big house where my brother and I could have plenty of space to do w/e. Now I have no logical excuse to move out other than finding a job where I would have to move. I've done all of that. I've tried explaining things to her. She does a lot of religious stuff inside and outside the house so I tried explaining how religion is all about acceptance and forgiving others but to no avail. My dad's tired of it too. I told her that b/c of her behavior (rational or not) I find it extremely difficult to think of marriage. I know its easy for me to suggest but why not put the condition, if your parents want you to get married then it is only happening if you are living on your own. Gives you an opportunity to lead an independent life also if you move out before marriage noone can blame your spouse for so called "breaking" the family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 This is the problem with our moms /mils.....they don't or can't deal with the problem when it needs to be dealt with and pass the baggage on to the next generation. Really sad. Did she ever fight back or confront them. Sometimes when it is not done...it is difficult to find closure. Does she have anger towards your father too.?may be for not being there for her when she needed him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 :haha::haha::haha:tumhara bhi haal hum jaisa hai thakur....:haha::haha::haha: Actually it's a good thing else there will be differences of opinions. You don't want bradman vs srt discussion at home. My wife doesn't watch cricket but she does enjoy lay few overs when it's a close game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 You absolutely need time to do your own thing even after marriage. Reasonable people understand that. Guys like sports, women like shopping, jewelry, chatting, visiting people's house, inviting people over, pretty much everything guys don't give a damn about. That is no stereotyping, they are facts of life. Good news is that there are tons of things you can do together as a family like: 1. Eat out 2. Go for movies 3. Go on vacation 4. Eat together at home 5. Talk to each other about their respective days 6. Take care of each other when one of sick or need something troubling in life to talk about 7. Cook together - I do this a lot with my son Above apply to spouse as well as kids. When you can have a lot of fun together, it is ok to do a few things which only one member of the family likes to or let that person do their own thing with their own circle. Not a problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crookbond Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 Is Arranged Marriage Really Any Worse Than Craigslist? http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/culture/features/11621/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Merlyn Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 :haha::haha::haha:tumhara bhi haal hum jaisa hai thakur....:haha::haha::haha: How can a male not like cricket in India....:hmmmm: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FischerTal Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 Is Arranged Marriage Really Any Worse Than Craigslist? http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/culture/features/11621/ its not :dontknow: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ram Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 Its pretty fashionable for every unmarried guy to pretend to be scared sh!tless of marriage and then to duly get married. :phehehe: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Outsider Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 I was talking about having some kind of an attachment with your partner being an important part of a marriage. Way to take it out of context. Yeah, I know but you made it sound that marriage can exist only in the case of the "vee aar madde phor each other" context. I don't get what you're saying. Are you happy with just the concept of being in a marriage? Or getting the spend a joint life with your current partner? It sounds like you're just happy to have been married, regardless of whether it would have been with your current wife or anybody else. Too many presumptions in the post. Oh bhai I am happy to be married to the girl I am married to, otherwise I probably would have given 0 fecks about marriage. And it's not that we go married in a jiffy, we went through the entire courtship period as well as living together for 3 years before we decided to formalize the relationship. I couldn't care less about the concept of marriage, as you are implying above. The main reason for my marriage was to formalize an existing and deep relationship. Plenty of Indian guys desire a dedicated housewife just to get regular sex, home cooked food, clothes washed and ironed and bed made everyday. Nothing wrong with that, but if the wife was forced into such an arrangement, it is backwards. Also what is so complicated about saying people should not be forced into a life of marriage or monogamy? None of the above applies to me, so I see no reason to comment. And there is nothing complicated in saying people should not be forced into marriage - I support that statement completely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kubrickian Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 I love reading books, watching movies (good films not Bollywood) and good tv shows, playing games, watching cricket way too much. I just like to be left alone in my own world. No way I would give up these things for a "relationship" or marriage. Most people bore the hell out of me in any case. :dontknow: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debutant Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 When their kids are out on their own...you will be lining up for school admission forms.:P They will have the last laugh :phehehe: I am only 26 while rest all are 35 to 40. After 1 or 2 years, I won't be having any contacts with all these guys (when I switch :--D). So, there won't be any laughs. :--D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 How can a male not like cricket in India....:hmmmm: He doesn't like any team sport....mostly cycling ,hiking,running (ran full marathons twice)and the latest is bungee jumping.Used to be a boxer in NDA. In fact no one likes cricket in my family except my sister's husband. Dad was a boxer.Father in law played hockey and football. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 I am only 26 while rest all are 35 to 40. After 1 or 2 years' date=' I won't be having any contacts with all these guys (when I switch :--D). So, there won't be any laughs. :--D[/quote'] I was just joking:--D.....I totally agree that one should get married and have kids only when one is sure and ready. Your spouse and kids deserve that!:icflove: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Merlyn Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 He doesn't like any team sport....mostly cycling ' date='hiking,running (ran full marathons twice)and the latest is bungee jumping.Used to be a boxer in NDA. In fact no one likes cricket in my family except my sister's husband. Dad was a boxer.Father in law played hockey and football.[/quote'] Army People.....:weird: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 ^^^^My mom likes to watch WWF Wrestling....:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Sister's husband who likes cricket is a strictly olive green Infantry man...:paratrooper: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 ^^^^My mom likes to watch WWF Wrestling....:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Sister's husband who likes cricket is a strictly olive green Infantry man...:paratrooper: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 She watches saas bahu serials too....:--D usme bhi ladai jhagda hee hota hai...:blink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 You absolutely need time to do your own thing even after marriage. Reasonable people understand that. Guys like sports, women like shopping, jewelry, chatting, visiting people's house, inviting people over, pretty much everything guys don't give a damn about. That is no stereotyping, they are facts of life. Good news is that there are tons of things you can do together as a family like: 1. Eat out 2. Go for movies 3. Go on vacation 4. Eat together at home 5. Talk to each other about their respective days 6. Take care of each other when one of sick or need something troubling in life to talk about 7. Cook together - I do this a lot with my son Above apply to spouse as well as kids. When you can have a lot of fun together, it is ok to do a few things which only one member of the family likes to or let that person do their own thing with their own circle. Not a problem. +1 The best way to make sure you get your own time is by encouraging your partner to pursue their hobbies . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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