Symonds case: who said what before Hansen

[OriginalCopy]

Testimony before Judge Hansen ============================= Judge Hansen: Good evening everyone, let us start with the grievances. Mr. Symonds, what is your problem ... errrrrr, what is your complaint? Symonds: He called me a Monkey. Judge Hansen: He who? Symonds: Harbhajan. Punish him please, Ban him for 3 Tests. I told Mikey this and he agreed. Judge Hansen: Mikey who? Symonds: Mikey ... Proctor, my friend ... errrr... the match referee. Ban Harbhajan now. Judge Hansen: Tell me what happened? Symonds: I told Harbhajan: "O Sir Harbhajan, by the grace of god, I've been fortunate to witness you waive this Roebok magic wand to score this half century. However, O Lord, you've never appreciated anything I've ever done. Plus the fact that I consider Binga my personal property, if you'd refrain from acknowledging his good performance, I'd be eternally grateful." Before you ask, Binga is Brett Lee. Judge Hansen: Do you have a witness for what you've said, Mr. Symonds? Hayden: Now you have a witness, champ! Judge Hansen: Excuse me, but who are you? Hayden: I'm the witness, champ. Judge Hansen: Do you have a name? Hayden: I'm Hayden, Mathew Hayden. Judge Hansen: Ok Mr. Hayden. And you are a witness to what? Hayden: Harbhajan called Symmo a Big Monkey. Judge Hansen: Who's Symmo? Hayden: You don't know Symmo? Andrew Symonds. Mate, me and him go back a long time. We're real buddies. Why else would you think I would hear anything unsaid .... errrrr ... objection My Lord, please disregard my last sentence. Judge Hansen: Objection sustained, tell me what happened. Hayden: I was snoring .... errrrr.... fielding at the deep thirdman boundary when Symmo called me. Judge Hansen: Why did he call you? Hayden: He said: "did you hear what Harbhajan just called me? He called me a Big Monkey". Tell me you heard it. Judge Hansen: Then what was your reaction? Hayden: Ofcourse I did. I told him right away: Now you've got a witness, mate. We're mates, mate. If mates don't stand up for mates, who will, mate? Mate, checkmate Harbhajan, now! Judge Hansen: But you said Mr. Symonds called you and told you Mr. Harbhajan had already spoken the alleged words. Hayden: Mate, didn't you have Science as a subject in school? Sound reflects!!!! Its a proven fact. Judge Hansen: What are you trying to say, Mr. Hayden? Hayden: When Harbhajan called Symmo a Big Monkey, his words travelled to the sight screen and reflected back. And I heard them loud and clear! Now ban him. Judge Hansen: I saw in the video clip that Harbhajan was telling something to you. Hayden: Yes mate, he said he called Symmo a Big Monkey. And I told him right away: "It's a **** word and you know it, mate. It's racial vilification, mate". Now ban him. Judge Hansen: Thank you for your testimony, Mr. Hayden. You may now take a seat. (Hayden is attempting to take the chair away) Judge Hansen: No, no, I meant you can sit now. Don't carry the chair home ... (O Gawd!) Symonds: Ban Harbhajan now. Pup heard it too. Judge Hansen: Who's pup? We don't allow animals as witnesses. Are people allowed to carry pups to the games? Hayden: That's racial vilification, mate. Symonds: No, no, Clarke is the Pup, I mean, Pup is Clarke and he's human ... I mean ... Judge Hansen: Enough, I got it Mr. Symonds. Mr. Clarke, what do you have to say? Clarke: He called him a big monkey. Judge Hansen: Tell me the full story. Who called who what, where were you etc etc. Clarke: I was at the deep square leg boundary signing autographs. Then suddenly Punter called me to listen to what Harbhajan was saying. Judge Hansen: Punter? Clarke: Where are you from, Mars? Punter is a person who bets on outcomes. A speculator. Judge Hansen: No, no, I meant who's Punter? Clarke: Oh, that! The australian captain Ricky Ponting is Punter. And believe me, he's good. He even bet Harbhajan was going to lose half his balls today! Judge Hansen: Oh ... Ahem .... Please continue Mr. Clarke, then what happened? Clarke: Then Harbhajan said: "Symonds, you Big Monkey." Judge Hansen: What did Mr. Symonds say to Mr. Harbhajan? Clarke: Symmo was only congratulating Harbhajan on his great batting. He said he could use some tips, and so could Punter. Judge Hansen: What else did Mr. Harbhajan say? He looks to be saying a few words to Mr. Symonds in the video clip. Clarke: I don't know, mate. I stuffed cotton in my ears after that. Punter said that's all I needed to hear. Judge Hansen: Oh, ok. That's good enough, Pup. Clarke: Do you realize calling me Pup is insulting my mother? You're calling my mom a b**ch? Hayden: That's racial vilification, mate. It's a **** word and you know it. Judge Hansen: No, no. I did not mean that. I thought that was his nick name. Clarke: Yeah it is. But only my mates can call me that. You can too, but only if you ban Harbhajan. Judge Hansen: Thank you for your testimony, Mr. Clarke. You may now take your seat .... errrr ..... you may now sit on the chair there. Symonds: Ban Harbhajan now. Punter heard it too. Judge Hansen: Mr. Punter ... errrr ... Mr. Ponting, what do you have to say? Ponting: Harbhajan called Symmo a Monkey. Judge Hansen: Did you hear that, Mr. Ponting? Ponting: Yes, I heard that Harbhajan called Symmo a monkey. Symmo said he heard Harbhajan call him a monkey. I will back my players. I will stand behind my players without any expectation of rewards. Judge Hansen: Ahem ... Did YOU hear Mr. Harbhajan use this word? Ponting: Yeah mate, I did. Judge Hansen: Are you sure, Mr. Ponting? Because in your testimony to Mr. Proctor, you said you did not hear anything. Are you sure you heard Mr. Harbhajan call Mr. Symonds a monkey? Ponting: If you are questioning my integrity, you shouldn't be standing .... errrr... sitting here. Judge Hansen: WHAT? Ponting: Ban Harbhajan. Judge Hansen: I'm the one who'll decide that. Mr. Tendulkar, what do you have to say? Tendulkar: Aila ... Harbhajan is innocent. He did not call Symonds a monkey. Judge Hansen: But the Australians say he did. Tendulkar: No. I was very close to the action. I heard it all. He only said "Teri maa ki ..." Judge Hansen: What does that mean? Tendulkar: That means "your mother's ..." which was misconstrued by Symonds as "monkey". Judge Hansen: What is meant by "your mother's"? Tendulkar: I will let Harbhajan answer that. Judge Hansen: Thank you Mr. Tendulkar. Mr. Harbhajan, what is "teri maa ki"? Harbhajan: "Teri ma ki" when translated to English means "your mother's". Judge Hansen: Your mother's what? Harbhajan: Your mother's ...... ummmmm...... eyes. Judge Hansen: What about them? Harbhajan: They are beautiful. That's what I told Symonds. Judge Hansen: I think you're lying Mr. Harbhajan. I think you actually wanted to demean his mother's eyes. I also believe you actually said his mother's eyes were squint. You're hereby fined 50% of your match fee for calling Mr. Symonds' mother squint. ====================

[yoda]

altho' this story is getting tiring, this piece was good. :D

[DesiChap]

facking long but :hysterical:

[jacky007]

lolz nice one

[Laaloo]

ohh man everythings funny =)) ur mothers eyes LMFAOOOOOOO

[Ram]

:haha:

[Cricketics]

ROFL ROFL.. nice one.. pure class :hysterical::hysterical:

[Sachinism]

hahha funny stuff hayden tried to take the chair LMAO:hysterical:

[Anakin]

:haha::haha:

[Gambit]

This is OUTSTANDING!! :hysterical:

[beetle]

:hysterical::hysterical:

[mhr123]

:hysterical:

[Cricketics]

Bump - A clasic write up by the thread starter..

[SachDan]

:hysterical::hysterical:

[DomainK]

:hysterical:

[Dinx - the Jinx]

very good piece. thanks to the one whom bumped on it.. had a good laugh. definitely needed it to forget/overcome the recent defeats..