punjabiplaya Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 (edited) A new husband arrived home with a big bouquet of flowers. His wife met him at the door, saw the flowers and dropped on the floor, spreading her legs in front of him. "This is for the flowers," she said. "Don't be silly," he said. "I'am sure we have a vase somewhere at home" Edited March 29, 2016 by punjabiplaya Under_Score and Utalk 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 Husband: Honey, I have problems at work. Wife: Not "I", but "we" have problems - since we are married, your problems are mine problems as well. Husband: ok. Then I wanted to let you know that our office-girl got pregnant from us Under_Score, tweaker and kumar713 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 (edited) One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works. “I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am. Could I see your drivers license?” “What’s a license?” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump. “It’s usually in your wallet,” replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. “Now may I see your registration?” asked the cop. “Registration….. what’s that….?” asked the blonde. “It’s usually in your glove compartment,” said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. “I’ll be back in a minute.” said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer called in to the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, “Ummm… is this woman driving a red sports car?” “Yes.” replied the officer “Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?” asked the dispatcher. “Uh… yes.” replied the cop. “Here’s what you do,” said the dispatcher. “Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.” “What? I can’t do that. It’s… inappropriate.” exclaimed the cop. “Trust me. Just do it.” said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs… “Ohh no… not another breathalyzer…” Edited March 29, 2016 by punjabiplaya tweaker, Utalk, Laaloo and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 A man and his friend went to a bar and started talking. The man says to his friend “I think my wife is cheating on me.” The friend says, “How do you know?” The man replies, “She didn’t come home last night and she said she was with her sister Shirley.” The friend said, “and…..” The man says, “She is lying because I was with her sister last night. New guy, Under_Score, tweaker and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 (edited) During a blind date, as a man and a woman were filling each other in on their pasts, the man said, "A genie once gave me the option of having a longer penis or better memory". "And which did you choose?" the woman asked. the man replied "I don't remember Edited March 29, 2016 by punjabiplaya Laaloo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 Guy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs. Guy: Do they swell? Girl: No. They spread. tweaker, adi B and Under_Score 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 Q: What is the difference between a Protestant woman and a pakistani woman? A: Protestant woman get stoned before they commit adultery Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 Q: What do pakistani men do during foreplay? A: Tickle the goat under the chin. Under_Score, biglebowski and bulbul 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" was not the right answer biglebowski, Laaloo, adi B and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mariyam Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 Question: Why are Japanese people so bad at antakshari? Coz Hiroshima toh na-ga-saki Under_Score 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adi B Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 On 3/29/2016 at 0:41 AM, punjabiplaya said: One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works. “I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am. Could I see your drivers license?” “What’s a license?” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump. “It’s usually in your wallet,” replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. “Now may I see your registration?” asked the cop. “Registration….. what’s that….?” asked the blonde. “It’s usually in your glove compartment,” said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. “I’ll be back in a minute.” said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer called in to the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, “Ummm… is this woman driving a red sports car?” “Yes.” replied the officer “Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?” asked the dispatcher. “Uh… yes.” replied the cop. “Here’s what you do,” said the dispatcher. “Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.” “What? I can’t do that. It’s… inappropriate.” exclaimed the cop. “Trust me. Just do it.” said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs… “Ohh no… not another breathalyzer…” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabi_khota Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 On 3/29/2016 at 3:09 PM, punjabiplaya said: Husband: Honey, I have problems at work. Wife: Not "I", but "we" have problems - since we are married, your problems are mine problems as well. Husband: ok. Then I wanted to let you know that our office-girl got pregnant from us biglebowski 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mariyam Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 Q: What do you call a secretive potato? Ans: Aluminati. Under_Score 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velu Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 A suicide bomber dies and he feels fulfilled and happy in the knowledge that he's getting his 72 virgins. He suddenly meets all his dead friends who died in missions like him and asks; "Hello my friends, where are the 72 virgins?" "We are the virgins" they replied. tweaker, kumar713 and Laaloo 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velu Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Spain. While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served? They look like Spanish oysters!' The waiter replied, 'Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are not oysters... they are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A rare delicacy!' The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.' The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. Tomorrow, if you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.' The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.' The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins and the man loses !' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tweaker Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 On 15/07/2016 at 5:38 PM, velu said: A suicide bomber dies and he feels fulfilled and happy in the knowledge that he's getting his 72 virgins. He suddenly meets all his dead friends who died in missions like him and asks; "Hello my friends, where are the 72 virgins?" "We are the virgins" they replied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velu Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob. tweaker 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velu Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Know what a 6.9 is? Another good thing screwed up by a period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted August 26, 2016 Author Share Posted August 26, 2016 A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book. The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, gets up and starts stripping in front of him. The husband is confused and asks, Why are you taking off your clothes? His wife replies, You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay. The husband says, No, not at all. His wife asks angrily, Well, what the hell were you doing then? I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book. tweaker, Under_Score, velu and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted August 26, 2016 Author Share Posted August 26, 2016 Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Johnny says " Mas-ter-bate." Ms Ball smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful." Little Billy says, "No, Miss Ball, you're thinking of a blowjob. Under_Score 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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