New Zealand's Tour of India - Learnings and Player ratings

[CSK Fan]

New Zealand's Tour of India - Learnings and Player ratings These are my own ratings based on extremely biased opinions, prejudices and player worshipping. Other's opinions might differ to which I will respectfully agree as long as they allow me to call them opiniated arseholes with cow dung for brains Learnings 1) Indians are pretty much jobless Its Monday noon and the world is hard at work. And just where are you? If you answered that you are at the Chinnaswamy stadium cheering Cheteswar Pujara (who?) and on first name basis with the Kiwi fielders whom their own countrymen fail to recognize, congrats, you have no life. And probably no job either after today. But hey, at least you watched history in making as Sachin Tendulkar enjoyed his cricket for his gazzilionth test match. You can tell your grand-children all about it. Oh wait, scratch that, anyone so jobless can never get laid 2) Spin is still King Its not Kumble, its not Bhajji. You get the local pan-wallah to turn his arm over and he will pick up a handful of wickets on Indian wickets. Dhoni, forever looking at gift horses in their mouths, wants more spinning wickets, however. The greedy SOB 3) Kiwis are a disgrace to southies They might share the same continent as Australia, but all the talent in that continent went Northwards. The only place where North is greater than South(ie). 4) Calling a young Indian a fast bowler is the fastest way to destroy his bowling Some ignorant people claim that Indians do not take fast bowling seriously. These are the same guys who assume the congress goverment is doing a good job of managing the country and that Pakistan is still one of the most talented cricket teams. In short, completely disillusional morons. In fact, Indians take fast bowling so seriously, that they are ready to pass the mantle of being called a 'fast bowler' and 'pace-spearhead' to the first person who walks out of the dressing room with the cherry in his hand. (And cherry need not be a cricket ball either, once a waiter carrying a fruit bowl was placed in a similar predicament, before he saved his honor by successfully proving that he is a waiter and not an Indian fast bowler. Long story). Heck, Doctor WHO doesnt re-incarnate as often as our fast bowlers do. Of course, this designation gives the bowler the license to spray the ball all over the wicket like a baboon marking his territory with a handful of feces. You neednt look beyond Umesh Yadav, our current 'fastest' bowler. 5) We need some more IPL a) At least we will see some comptetion between two teams b) Its because of a year's gap between two IPLs that we see such ridiculous matches in such ridiculous format between two ridiculous teams. This would not have happened if BCCI had taken my suggestion of having IPL thrice a year Player Ratings - Scale of 1 to 10 Gambhir - Gambhir is living up to his name. He is proving to be a 'Gambhir Samasya' for his team, his captain and his coach. Rating - 0.02/10 Sehwag - I could give Sehwag 5 points for making that quick score and setting up our chase in the second test. But I wont. However, I will cut 2 points for him being such an insufferable ass and throwing his wicket away whenever he got an opportunity. His catching was good Rating 1/10 Kohli - Dhoni has stopped buying underwear since Kohli came into the team because the dude saves his ass everytime. Be it tests, ODIs or net practise, without Kohli we wouldnt get into double figures. I better see his temples being erected on the way to work tomorrow, or else....... Rating - One Gazzilion/10 Sachin - I never knew a dude enjoying his cricket so much can look so constipated every time he comes to bat, but thats Sachin for you. I just wanted to clarify something here. Sachin does not pretend the ball kept low when he gets bowled. He is just stooping because of his old age. He is a 40 year old stuck in a 80 year old's body. How would you feel if we made fun of your grandpa? Shame on Afridi for bringing his shaky legs to attention. Rating - 10/10 (Since he is enjoying his cricket so much) Dhoni - Dhoni is like the wired phone which we have at home. Once very useful but now just kept at home for sentimental value. The team would perform the same way whether he turned up or not. Rating - 2/10 Ashwin - Ashwin is like the selfish bully who wants to bat and ball and do everything else except the fielding. The selfish b@st@rd even hogged most of the prizes Rating 1/10 for selfishness Ojha-The skinny guy forever in the bully's shadow whom everyone ignores despite his good performances Rating -8/10 Poor Ojha Pujara - Got some good scores but his weird first name means that he doesnt get any points from me Rating - 0/10

[Lord]

:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

[Lord]

u missed Raina n Zak-sure u can come up with some gold there:two_thumbs_up:

[ganeshran]

:hysterical::hysterical:

[Trichromatic]

u missed Raina n Zak-sure u can come up with some gold there:two_thumbs_up:

He probably left them intentionally. :P

[The Outsider]

:hysterical::hysterical:

[vvvslaxman]

:hysterical: Good one.

[prasadiyer]

Hilarious stuff! Expecting more of it after the T-20 "series" is done!

[maniac]

:hysterical:

[Crookbond]

:hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:

[Sid]

:cantstop:

[SLICKR392]

Good one...:cantstop: Lol @ Ashwin & Tendu rating :hysterical: :hysterical:

[Sidhoni]

Learnings were hilarious!:hysterical: Ratings were not that good but some of them we hysterical as well!!