beetle Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Most definitely not. However' date=' the only grounds for remarriage (in my opinion) are that or a lack of attachment with your husband. Not death.[/quote'] What about a widower? Is it okay for him to re marry?
HippoSucks Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 What about a widower? Is it okay for him to re marry? Of course it is. My view completely changes for men as they are the superior gender... No, of course it is not OK for them to remarry (in my opinion), no matter their gender. I'm not a sexist person.
Precambrian Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Most definitely not. However' date=' the only grounds for remarriage (in my opinion) are that or a lack of attachment with your husband. Not death.[/quote'] attachment can reduce with passage of time - after spouse's death. Can't it?
HippoSucks Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 attachment can reduce with passage of time - after spouse's death. Can't it? I doubt it. In fact, I would expect it to increase as time goes on and once you've been together for 15-20 years, I can't see it even slightly reducing.
Precambrian Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I doubt it. In fact' date=' I would expect it to increase as time goes on and once you've been together for 15-20 years, I can't see it even slightly reducing.[/quote'] So you mean all of them wail and grieve their spouse's death just the same each day for the rest of their lives? Clearly you haven't seen deaths in your family then. Clearly the guy isn't coming back. Why should you invest in a relationship that is never going to grow and diversify? People grow and evolve together in a relationship for your information. When the evolution start diverging, or only one partner seems to grow up, breakups happen. That's what life is about. You'll learn as you age. Eg - Guy and girl meet each other in their teens, both love a particular kind of movie, gets hitched, finds a few more common interests like Pizza hut and scuba diving, have sex and get married... Later the lady evolves, her choice of music/cuisine/entertainment switches to another level. The guy stays stagnant with the old tastes, she might put up with him for a while, after some time naturally they'll split. Here the husband's not at fault. Neither is the wife. It's just that their evolutionary tangents seperated in due course of life. Now consider the guy died immediately after marriage. Same thing happens, she outgrows the tastes that initially attracted her to him, and she finds another person who matches her evolved tastes, naturally she'll gravitate to that person.
HippoSucks Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Have seen it happen in my extended family. The first husband was abusive, got divorced and remarried. Now they're happily married for over two decades. Nobody in our family discriminates or sees the lady in a different way than before. Rather noone even thinks about all that stuff. Maybe in the very short term there might be murmurs - like how can she remarry so quickly, etc etc, but as with everything, its personal freedom and wish. And lol at some immature comments above against re marriage. Love is an undefinable thing. Just like in love life, there is NO guarantee that post marriage that spark is going to be there forever. likewise who are we to say that a person can't fall in love again just because she was married once? Honestly, grieving is a private matter. It was not really good on part of NDTV to interview the poor lady - although she came out absolutely brilliantly through it. She lost her husband, nobody needs to be reminded how that would feel like. Let her grieve and get over it. Leave all these things to themselves and respect their privacy.. The people who were disturbed over the woman with the abusive husband remarrying are delusional. However, you say "NO guarantee that post marriage that spark is going to be there forever. likewise who are we to say that a person can't fall in love again." Doesn't that justify extramarital affairs? If I take your statement to be true, then the statement "who are we to say that a person can't fall in love again, whether or not her first husband is alive" is also true.
HippoSucks Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 So you mean all of them wail and grieve their spouse's death just the same each day for the rest of their lives? Clearly you haven't seen deaths in your family then. Clearly the guy isn't coming back. Why should you invest in a relationship that is never going to grow and diversify? People grow and evolve together in a relationship for your information. When the evolution start diverging, or only one partner seems to grow up, breakups happen. That's what life is about. You'll learn as you age. Eg - Guy and girl meet each other in their teens, both love a particular kind of movie, gets hitched, finds a few more common interests like Pizza hut and scuba diving, have sex and get married... Later the lady evolves, her choice of music/cuisine/entertainment switches to another level. The guy stays stagnant with the old tastes, she might put up with him for a while, after some time naturally they'll split. Here the husband's not at fault. Neither is the wife. It's just that their evolutionary tangents seperated in due course of life. Now consider the guy died immediately after marriage. Same thing happens, she outgrows the tastes that initially attracted her to him, and she finds another person who matches her evolved tastes, naturally she'll gravitate to that person. I have seen more than a handful of deaths in my family, so I am not at all delusional about the length of the grieving period. However, once you are out of that period, it doesn't mean you go out and disrespect that person. And yes, I am assuming that the widow's husband would be disrespected if his "former" wife has children with another man. The type of attachment you are talking about is physical. You're physically attached to a person, you make the mistake of marrying him and then you aren't that attached. In that case, it is justified to remarry but I would still call them stupid for marrying in the first place. The scenario this thread is talking about is when 2 people have an attachment much beyond physical realms and then one of them passes away. How is it justified for one of them to move on, despite talking such big things about their love? If the woman in the video remarries, and then she dies later, would her former husband still "hug me [her] as much as you want", which is what she says in the video (assuming the concept of afterlife is true)? I don't think so.
Precambrian Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 The people who were disturbed over the woman with the abusive husband remarrying are delusional. However, you say "NO guarantee that post marriage that spark is going to be there forever. likewise who are we to say that a person can't fall in love again." Doesn't that justify extramarital affairs? If I take your statement to be true, then the statement "who are we to say that a person can't fall in love again, whether or not her first husband is alive" is also true. Yes, it does justify extra marital affairs. But marriage is a contract of trust. You are free to stop loving one person and start loving another, but should disclose it to the former and achieve closure in that former relationship. If not, it becomes cheating.
HippoSucks Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Yes' date=' it does justify extra marital affairs. But marriage is a contract of trust. You are free to stop loving one person and start loving another, but should disclose it to the former and achieve closure in that former relationship. If not, it becomes cheating.[/quote'] I think it is cheating either way. No one should have the right to just "fall in love" with someone else, tell her husband casually what is happening and ruin his life and their children's. Also, since that person fell in love before, married and then stopped loving him, what is the guarantee that it won't happen again with the new person?
Precambrian Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I have seen more than a handful of deaths in my family, so I am not at all delusional about the length of the grieving period. However, once you are out of that period, it doesn't mean you go out and disrespect that person. And yes, I am assuming that the widow's husband would be disrespected if his "former" wife has children with another man. The type of attachment you are talking about is physical. You're physically attached to a person, you make the mistake of marrying him and then you aren't that attached. In that case, it is justified to remarry but I would still call them stupid for marrying in the first place. The scenario this thread is talking about is when 2 people have an attachment much beyond physical realms and then one of them passes away. How is it justified for one of them to move on, despite talking such big things about their love? If the woman in the video remarries, and then she dies later, would her former husband still "hug me [her] as much as you want", which is what she says in the video (assuming the concept of afterlife is true)? I don't think so. How is remarrying "disrespectful" to the dead? I am confused. Just FYI, the dead can't feel disrespect because duh dead is dead. Not really, if you noted none of the "common traits" were of the physical kind - apart from sex. How do you define "attachment beyond physical realm"? And of course if that attachment is so profound, obviously the chances for the widow to substitute another man in the former husband's place would be rather dim, don't you think? On the contrary, if she decides to move on and find someone else, it shows that the attachment wasn't actually "beyond physical realms", doesn't it?
Precambrian Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I think it is cheating either way. No one should have the right to just "fall in love" with someone else' date=' tell her husband casually what is happening and ruin his life and their children's. Also, since that person fell in love before, married and then stopped loving him, what is the guarantee that it won't happen again with the new person?[/quote'] The former would be impinging on personal liberty of a person. Falling in love is a fundamental right. Anybody is free to fall in love with anyone but expression of it and taking it to the next level need mutual consent. Similarly cheating is a punishable offence and hence that is not the ideal thing either. So the best thing is evaluate and if totally convinced that you're in love with someone who is not your partner, its time to call it quits. It might be hurtful for the current partner, but it is much better than cheating on him, or worse, being untruthful to oneself. And no, there is no guarantee that she will continue to be with person for life either. But equally there is no guarantee that she will leave him for another either. we are talking about human behaviour here, probabilities don't really count.
vvvslaxman Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Till death do us part Meaning: The simplest answer is the marriage vows are a form of a contract. As in all contracts the death of one party can release the other person from the constraints of the contract Bonding varies from person to person. Some can't imagine someone else in their spouse's place. Some are ready to move on even though they had loved their spouse to the fullest when the spouse was alive. You should not judge one way or another. Nothing immoral about it. We have to get rid of this highly backward thinking. Who defines these rules?
Sajid_Rana Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I would not. Soceity i am afriad would.... The funny part is if you ask the same question from every person in the society individually you will get the same answer.
coffee_rules Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 The scenario this thread is talking about is when 2 people have an attachment much beyond physical realms and then one of them passes away. How is it justified for one of them to move on, despite talking such big things about their love? If the woman in the video remarries, and then she dies later, would her former husband still "hug me [her] as much as you want", which is what she says in the video (assuming the concept of afterlife is true)? I don't think so. Jane will divorce Glenn McGrath in heaven when he winds up there is it? How can one move on depends on that person and there is no rule to judge anyone by. If they do marry again, or have an affair, they would do on their terms, and definitely not to please anybody else in the society.
Rajiv Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 attachment can reduce with passage of time - after spouse's death. Can't it? Should, one of my old family members died - see his site. Left 2 young kids, and wife is still unmarried ( she might be like young 30s ) - but from whatever I see her in FB profile etc, he is very much with them I still can't believe this nice fella died http://www.motwaniaccfoundation.com/his_story.html I had been visiting US since I was 10, been over 12 times in 80s's to 90s' as we lived at their place, and I almost grew up with him - from a kid to a star baseball player. American born but couldn't be more Indian in manners and ettiquette
Desi Cartman Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Its a personal decision, no one needs to have ANY opinion on it. If the person decides to get married again, fine and same if decides not to marry again. Do we question people who are single and dont want to be married. Or am I missing something here as I dont clearly understand the question
Number Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Its a personal decision' date=' no one needs to have ANY opinion on it. If the person decides to get married again, fine and same if decides not to marry again. [b']Do we question people who are single and dont want to be married. Or am I missing something here as I dont clearly understand the question Yes they keep asking when are you getting married. Or keep saying now get married dude.
beetle Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 The funny part is if you ask the same question from every person in the society individually you will get the same answer. True.
Crookbond Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Its a personal decision, no one needs to have ANY opinion on it. If the person decides to get married again, fine and same if decides not to marry again. Do we question people who are single and dont want to be married. Or am I missing something here as I dont clearly understand the question Of course, everyone is free to do what they want. Everyone is being asked for their opinion on the subject and their reasons for their opinion.
Desi Cartman Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Of course' date=' everyone is free to do what they want. Everyone is being asked for their opinion on the subject and their reasons for their opinion.[/quote'] But how can people have an opinion about what others should or will do? Can I have an opinion about people who believe in God, I do but I shouldn't lol I guess same can be said about political discussion but this has impact on only that persons life so I don't see a reason why my opinion would matter. Ok I'm lost, out of this thread :bye:
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