punjabi_khota Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I am in US, and visit twice a year for 2 weeks at a stretch. About 50% of my friends are in India, but almost all are either living in Bangalore or Bombay, away from their parents. I often ask them how often they visit their parents (from all parts of India), and the answer is holi/diwali/new year. :dontknow: Of course I wish that I could live close to my parents (not in same house though, that is not a good idea if you can help it).
Desi Cartman Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I am in US, and visit twice a year for 2 weeks at a stretch. About 50% of my friends are in India, but almost all are either living in Bangalore or Bombay, away from their parents. I often ask them how often they visit their parents (from all parts of India), and the answer is holi/diwali/new year. :dontknow: Of course I wish that I could live close to my parents (not in same house though, that is not a good idea if you can help it). Oi! your prem and shame
Desi Cartman Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I clearly mentioned in OP why I created the thread. This particular article suggests that there are indeed NRIs who feel daughters are more 'safe' in India and sort of fits in with the broad theme of unexplored / little known issues of people moving out - the TOPIC of the thread. And here 'safety' is a term used broadly including physical safety as well as safe from Cultural invasion. And no - the idea is not to discuss which culture is better,etc - just the fact that those people did not want the Western culture to influence their daughters and felt they were better off staying in India. I myself was an 'NRI' for a decade and may again become one so don't accuse me of taking any sides. It is an open discussion. Let us not make this into us vs them :two_thumbs_up: So it's a revenge to a stupid blog. One thing I must admit, you sound as pathetic as the blog author in the other thread. I'm disappointed with myself for wasting my time here.
Kalia_Test Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 So it's a revenge to a stupid blog. One thing I must admit, you sound as pathetic as the blog author in the other thread. I'm disappointed with myself for wasting my time here. No. It is broadening the discussion. Edit : Deleted certain sentences as it was difficult for me to stoop to personal name calling.
Kalia_Test Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Oi! your prem and shame < any desi living anywhere in India. LOL - create your own enemies in mind and fight them...lage raho :two_thumbs_up:
Clarke Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 So by sending my kids to a decent school and giving them good facilities' date=' I am buying my retirement care? What logic is it? Raising kids is not a sacrifice, its a choice to have kids. I have kids and I take care of them the best I can and yes I will put their needs above mine as they are my kids and I want them to get the best of everything. Thats what parents are supposed to do, its not an EHSAAN.[/quote'] Relax dude, you're taking my comment too seriously. Some of us are indeed blessed with a proper world view having lived in India as well as the west but our parents, well almost all of them didn't have that luxury, hence they gave the best they could to us and I hope most of us are grateful for that. At the end of the day, its all within a family, what kind of arrangement works best for them. As u suggested, there's good & bad apples everywhere.
randomGuy Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Quite simplistic I would say. If we take this route, then even in the other thread of India being unsafe, people can simply say there are good and bad people in both countries, there are safe and unsafe places in both countries and move on. But no - US was more safe as per many. If you cannot distinguish between moving within a country and moving outside a country, then I have nothing else to say on this. Just to meet their kids in Aust. , the parents that I talked abt had to undergo lungs test and diff. tests. Lungs test showed some black stuff , so they lived near pune near some hill station for six months to clear their lungs for the medical.
Kalia_Test Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Just to meet their kids in Aust. ' date=' the parents that I talked abt had to undergo lungs test and diff. tests. Lungs test showed some black stuff , so they lived near pune near some hill station for six months to clear their lungs for the medical. [/quote'] Yeah...Lot of difference between being in India in another city and being abroad with many procedures like visa and medical tests - not even talking about the costs of travel. Anyway - this is about parents of NRIs. There are some old age retirement homes specifically for NRI parents ( maybe they allow some other rich old people - not sure ) in India by some builders/groups. Some groups have taken this up as a Business Opportunity where they promise good facilities/medical treatment/care,etc to NRI parents in return for money. This might help resolve a few issues though the 'Empty Nest' syndrome still remains for the parents.
randomGuy Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Yeah...Lot of difference between being in India in another city and being abroad with many procedures like visa and medical tests - not even talking about the costs of travel. Anyway - this is about parents of NRIs. There are some old age retirement homes specifically for NRI parents ( maybe they allow some other rich old people - not sure ) in India by some builders/groups. Some groups have taken this up as a Business Opportunity where they promise good facilities/medical treatment/care,etc to NRI parents in return for money. This might help resolve a few issues though the 'Empty Nest' syndrome still remains for the parents. Visa medical travel costs and time are problems for parents of NRIs. Else they would just pack their bags and visit their NRI children, like they do when children live in India.
Kalia_Test Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 ^^^ Adding to that - Old parents who spent their life in India will not be able to adapt to a foreign country easily...no chats with neighbours, sitting at home doing nothing once children go to office, no social life,etc. And as with any problem, there are people with some solutions :- http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/sunday-times/deep-focus/For-NRI-parents-homes-away-from-kids-homes/articleshow/35870916.cms Between babysitting and bhajans, there's not much to choose from for Indian seniors who have moved abroad to live with their immigrant kids. Confined to diaper duty with an occasional dinner with their busy kids thrown in, the only dialogue they share in a day is probably with the saas-bahu TV shows from back home. The isolation is outweighed by their love for their children, and the desire to do right by them. But as Arun Paul puts it, "Privately, they are aware that this is not the best situation for them." Paul, an Indian-American entrepreneur, is offering Indian seniors abroad a way to bridge both worlds. At Priya Living, a retirement community for Indian-Americans that he set up in 2013 in the San Francisco Bay Area, Indians aged 55 and above can rent one and 2BHK condominiums that allow them to remain close to their children and grandchildren in Silicon Valley, while maintaining an independent lifestyle. While these communities are primarily targeting Indian-American retirees, they're also home to some seniors from India who've followed their immigrant children overseas. "Planning a trip from India is very stressful, and closing the house a nuisance. We can't just visit our kids when we want. The distance is less intimidating if we are also in the US," says Subramanian, who believes moving in with his children involves too many adjustments on both sides. But living independently in the US has its own problems. "Indians who have lived their entire life in Chennai are not used to doing things for themselves," he says. While their communities are unlikely to attract second-generation Indian-Americans , the promoters remain upbeat about their expansion plans. As Ignatius concludes,"Every day, Indians are immigrating to the US and they are a new first generation. When they grow old, they will be comfortable here."
beetle Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 What is the big deal about parents staying alone and managing on their own. A section of Indian society has been doing it all the time.The section being....parents of only daughters. These people had the same pain at birth....took as great care ,educated their children....very often saved for a fat dowry and still managed to live a life of dignity .Very often knowing that their children probably did not have the option to take care of them ,even if they wanted.You don't hear them crying and talking...bache kyun paeda kiye? These days they educate and send their earning child to earn for some other family ...apart from the usual taking care of them .Who worries about these people? Why do they not beat their chests and talk about ungrateful children?Even the most independent and high earning women often struggle to help their parents financially and physically because she is expected to take care of her husband's family.....and daughter's parents are conditioned not to take help from earning daughters. Only recently have some women started taking care of their parents the way men are expected to take care of their parents(with the help of their wives). I guess it is time to learn from these dignified parents how to raise children and not investments. May be parents should ask children to take loan for studies.May be learn not to spend money on marriages to show the world.
randomGuy Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 ^^^ Adding to that - Old parents who spent their life in India will not be able to adapt to a foreign country easily...no chats with neighbours, sitting at home doing nothing once children go to office, no social life,etc. And as with any problem, there are people with some solutions :- http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/sunday-times/deep-focus/For-NRI-parents-homes-away-from-kids-homes/articleshow/35870916.cms right. compared to our generation, i'd say our parents' generation are far more sociable people. (whenever my parents came to meet me, I came to know abt different neighbors, different places near my house and in the city) so i'd say desi people (to talk to), prevalence of an Indian lang. (hindi etc) is very much desirable by them.
beetle Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Desi.....you:rock: As for NRI who leave their daughters behind......these confused hypocrites don't deserve to be parents.Even dogs care more for their pups.
Kalia_Test Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 What is the big deal about parents saying alone ad managing on their own. A section of Indian society has been doing it all the time.The section being....parents of only daughters. These people had the same pain at birth....took as great care ,educated their children....very often saved for a fat dowry and still managed to live a life of dignity .Very often knowing that their child probably did not have the option to take care f them ,even if they wanted.You don't her them crying and talking...bache kyun paeda kiye? These days they educate and send their earning child to earn for some other family ...apart f the usual taking care of them .Who worries about these people? Why do they not beat their chests and talk about ungrateful children?Even the most independent and high earning women often struggle to help their parents financially and physically because se is expected to tae care of her usband's family.....and daughter's parents are conditioned not take help from earning daughters. Only recently have some women started taking care of their parents the way men are expected to take care of their parents. I guess it is time to learn from these dignified parents how to raise children and not investments. May be parents should ask children to take loan for studies.May be learn not to spend money on marriages to show the world. Very valid point :clap: Unfortunately , Indian society is still moving very slowly and only sons being the "budhape ki laathi" is still very prevalent.
Book_Worm Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 What is the big deal about parents staying alone and managing on their own. A section of Indian society has been doing it all the time.The section being....parents of only daughters. These people had the same pain at birth....took as great care ,educated their children....very often saved for a fat dowry and still managed to live a life of dignity .Very often knowing that their children probably did not have the option to take care of them ,even if they wanted.You don't hear them crying and talking...bache kyun paeda kiye? These days they educate and send their earning child to earn for some other family ...apart from the usual taking care of them .Who worries about these people? Why do they not beat their chests and talk about ungrateful children?Even the most independent and high earning women often struggle to help their parents financially and physically because she is expected to take care of her husband's family.....and daughter's parents are conditioned not to take help from earning daughters. Only recently have some women started taking care of their parents the way men are expected to take care of their parents(with the help of their wives). I guess it is time to learn from these dignified parents how to raise children and not investments. May be parents should ask children to take loan for studies.May be learn not to spend money on marriages to show the world. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Great Post Rads. I take care of my Dad but i am also aware that my hubby is okay with it and encourages it but i always wonder what If he was not okay ? My own parents always told me not to worry about them but concentrate on my marriage and hubby. I know so many women who end up fighting with their husbands over this issue. It is sad really. I hate parents who send their kids to India. I cannot image doing that for my kid ever. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My dad migrated to mumbai from rayalseema AP for better job prospects. we used to visit our grandparents during summer holidays.. Today people go to USA.. Every Generation moves out of their villages/land for better opportunities. I casme back to india to take care of my father and inlaws. I have lost my GC status. I don't regret it. But i don't agree with the article.I know so many parents who have adapted to life in USA and are happy.
EnterTheVoid Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 My dad, my mother and I live in three separate cities. My brother is buggering off to Germany to continue his post doctoral research. Forgot when was the last time all four of us were together in one place. Skype is the best we can manage for now.
coffee_rules Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Only desis indulge in this kind of judgmental analysis of other peoples' lives. Both sides (NRIs and pure ones) do this kind of generalization. What works for the goose doesn't have to work for the gander. To each his own. One decides to stay outside of India for their own reasons. Their parents understand this and are making sacrifices , not choosing to stay away from kids for wanting a NRI kin or for a want of $s. If one decides to stay back in India and stays closer to parents, it's their wish. Some NRIs choose the security (in terms of financial) of their children and still facilitate to take of their parents. They know what they have chosen, they are not blind to the topic of the OP. Nowadays a lot of people I know are taking care of parents or in-laws as well. It's becoming acceptable among big city folk esp for in-laws. Because of the taboo attached to it in the society some people still believe in 'hum apni betion ke ghar ka paani tak nahin peethe hain!" types. Taking care of elderly doesn't mean everybody has to stay under one roof. People can still live their lives independently and have a space. It is healthy for a better relationship. Not saying joint families are bad, but living separately in not evil either.
Desi Cartman Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Relax dude, you're taking my comment too seriously. Some of us are indeed blessed with a proper world view having lived in India as well as the west but our parents, well almost all of them didn't have that luxury, hence they gave the best they could to us and I hope most of us are grateful for that. At the end of the day, its all within a family, what kind of arrangement works best for them. As u suggested, there's good & bad apples everywhere. I agree 100%. Being grateful to parents for being kind, loving and caring shows that one has had a good upbringing. *some* people will be shocked but people do this all around the world. Its a myth that only asians take care of their parents. Very recently an American colleague of mine resigned and is moving to Florida to take care of her mother. She was pretty good at work but at this stage she thinks taking care of her mother takes priority over her career. So its people, not their residency status that makes them good or bad people.
Desi Cartman Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Just to meet their kids in Aust. ' date=' the parents that I talked abt had to undergo lungs test and diff. tests. Lungs test showed some black stuff , so they lived near pune near some hill station for six months to clear their lungs for the medical. [/quote'] Yes, people have to get it checked because TB is still common in India and they dont even have treatment for TB in Australia. Many years ago a student died of TB after being put in quarantine in Australia for couple of months, the Aussies couldnt treat him.
Desi Cartman Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 What is the big deal about parents staying alone and managing on their own. A section of Indian society has been doing it all the time.The section being....parents of only daughters. These people had the same pain at birth....took as great care ,educated their children....very often saved for a fat dowry and still managed to live a life of dignity .Very often knowing that their children probably did not have the option to take care of them ,even if they wanted.You don't hear them crying and talking...bache kyun paeda kiye? These days they educate and send their earning child to earn for some other family ...apart from the usual taking care of them .Who worries about these people? Why do they not beat their chests and talk about ungrateful children?Even the most independent and high earning women often struggle to help their parents financially and physically because she is expected to take care of her husband's family.....and daughter's parents are conditioned not to take help from earning daughters. Only recently have some women started taking care of their parents the way men are expected to take care of their parents(with the help of their wives). I guess it is time to learn from these dignified parents how to raise children and not investments. May be parents should ask children to take loan for studies.May be learn not to spend money on marriages to show the world. :hatsoff::hatsoff:
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