Stradlater Posted May 16, 2018 Author Share Posted May 16, 2018 40 minutes ago, Alam_dar said: What is the exact reason of leaving her? (1) Is it your future plan, which you could not achieve in any way after marrying her? (2) Or are these your "FEARS" that after marriage there will no more intense love relationship, and you fear drinking and listing to dard bhare songs? And your future plans are only an excuse that you are trying to make in order to convince yourself? ====== It is not marriage, but even before the marriage love goes down considerably and it is no more thrilling. At this stage, the thing which really helps is the presence of baby/children. Life becomes so much more beautiful with children and no more Boriat in the life. This stays till the time children are of 13-14 years, after which children want their own life. Ok brother, have I terrified you with "Children"? Yes I know you are not even planning a wife in next 5 years, and I am talking about wife+children here. Wife is not enough. After the marriage, you need either Children, or very good friends/family, or very good activities which don't let you get bore. 1) Thing is I'm at a crucial point in my life career wise. These two years could possibly shape my entire future and therefore fewer the distractions in my personal life, the better. Me and her are from different backgrounds and knowing my family I know there would be much rona dhona before I manage to convince them to allow me to marry her. That's too much hassle esp considering these are some of the most important years of my life where I could little afford to get myself distracted by such trivial things. Hence my reluctance to continue this relationship. 2) Yes there's that too. Honestly she's so fkin annoying that hardly a day goes by when we don't fight. I shudder to imagine going through that throughout my entire lifetime. Alam_dar 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stradlater Posted May 16, 2018 Author Share Posted May 16, 2018 10 minutes ago, sandeep said: Do yourself and her and everyone around you both a favor. Don't drag it out. Its clear that you don't want to be with this girl. End it. Its like taking off a band-aid, the faster you do it, lesser the pain. Take it from someone who's been through a disastrous long relationship that ended in eventual divorce - it only lasted that long due to my conservative hang-ups and guilt about "commitment" and loyalty. Man up. End it. You may have to be the 'bad guy' in the short-term, but its the heroic thing to do from a long-term perspective. I'm planning to take it slow. Like avoiding her initially, not picking up her calls etc. Surely that's a better method? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandeep Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 6 minutes ago, Stradlater said: I'm planning to take it slow. Like avoiding her initially, not picking up her calls etc. Surely that's a better method? No. Don't drag it out. If you really want to "go slow", do that for a week or so. Otherwise you are just being a coward - to be blunt. I know its difficult, we are socially programmed to feel bad for this. But in some cases its the right move. And even if you have to break someone's heart, know that it won't be permanent. And the damage will be worse if you don't do this right. Be Sympathetic, but be clear and unambiguous. To make a disgusting analogy, if you are going to chop off a goat's head, is it better to do it in one swift motion, or "take it slow"? riya and Stradlater 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stradlater Posted May 16, 2018 Author Share Posted May 16, 2018 2 minutes ago, sandeep said: No. Don't drag it out. If you really want to "go slow", do that for a week or so. Otherwise you are just being a coward - to be blunt. I know its difficult, we are socially programmed to feel bad for this. But in some cases its the right move. And even if you have to break someone's heart, know that it won't be permanent. And the damage will be worse if you don't do this right. Be Sympathetic, but be clear and unambiguous. To make a disgusting analogy, if you are going to chop off a goat's head, is it better to do it in one swift motion, or "take it slow"? Man she has an important exam coming up in couple of months. She would be completely devastated. I was thinking maybe after that. flamy and beetle 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Stradlater said: Me and her are from different backgrounds and knowing my family I know there would be much rona dhona before I manage to convince them to allow me to marry her. Use this. Most ' different background' relationships are as it is effed up by family . Tell her you talked to family and they have sworn they they will never accept. Tell her you will never live happily if they are not happy and in the long run you will start resenting her.....which you don't want to do. It will hurt her less and is more believable. This is probably the most used excuse for breaking up by both genders. A sanskari way of ending a relationship This way it is not her or your fault....just bad circumstances. Do it after her exams. Use the exam excuse to keep distance . Edited May 16, 2018 by beetle Stradlater, sensible-indian, sandeep and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kira Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 This thread should have been closed after @MechEng 's epic post, you can't get a better advice than that and you can't get it from a better person as well because nothing beats a stoned freddy flintoff MechEng 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rahulrulezz Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 16 hours ago, Stradlater said: Problem is I have no plants to marry for at least 3-4 years(make that 5 actually) and I don't want to give her a false glimmer of hope keeping her waiting for me. I have my whole career ahead of me and want to make most of it. Maybe I would regret my decision later on but the thing is relationship at this moment is the last thing I need. Then simple. Let her go. 4 years is long time if you are not sure. Stradlater 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sensible-indian Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 On 5/16/2018 at 7:08 PM, Stradlater said: Man she has an important exam coming up in couple of months. She would be completely devastated. I was thinking maybe after that. Let her finish her exam. Then end it immediately. Stradlater 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sensible-indian Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 On 5/15/2018 at 4:46 PM, Stradlater said: That was about how annoying she is. Can you post a link to that thread if you dont mind? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stradlater Posted May 17, 2018 Author Share Posted May 17, 2018 14 minutes ago, sensible-indian said: Can you post a link to that thread if you dont mind? http://www.indiancricketfans.com/forums/topic/107222-relationships-and-marriage/?tab=comments#comment-3640078 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riya Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 On 5/15/2018 at 6:08 AM, Stradlater said: I consulted a female friend about this and she felt breaking up after commiting is a horrible thing to do. Fkin made me even more depressed. Does it make me an asshole for suddenly losing an interest in her after promising her marriage? 100% yes...playing with one's emotions is a sadism... Stradlater 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riya Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 Come on man...Be honest..U found someone hotter than her,isn' it the case... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dial_100 Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 53 minutes ago, riya said: 100% yes...playing with one's emotions is a sadism... Its all fair. We are changing culturally and it is alright for someone to move on if he/she doesnt feel that connect in the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riya Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 1 hour ago, dial_100 said: Its all fair. We are changing culturally and it is alright for someone to move on if he/she doesnt feel that connect in the relationship. Hmm...sounds logical...but what would u feel if a woman who you desired so much rejects you after promise... dial_100 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stradlater Posted May 18, 2018 Author Share Posted May 18, 2018 6 hours ago, riya said: Come on man...Be honest..U found someone hotter than her,isn' it the case... No I didn't. I have already explained my reasons for leaving her. riya 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riya Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 5 hours ago, Stradlater said: No I didn't. I have already explained my reasons for leaving her. My bad,sorry man..I didn't read it... Stradlater 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dial_100 Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 18 hours ago, riya said: Hmm...sounds logical...but what would u feel if a woman who you desired so much rejects you after promise... I know what you are saying but this is a free world. Many people are sensitive to this aspect but some are beyond it. Its their entitlement which they can enact on while many go through their whole life without complaining much about it. About me, I might feel bad for few days, months or even years. Eventually I will move on. One cannot hold on to something that is not theirs. riya 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 21 hours ago, riya said: Hmm...sounds logical...but what would u feel if a woman who you desired so much rejects you after promise... In the long run it is for the best. It must be tough living with someone who doesn't want to be with you.....short term pain but prevents life long pain. dial_100 and riya 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dial_100 Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 1 hour ago, beetle said: In the long run it is for the best. It must be tough living with someone who doesn't want to be with you.....short term pain but prevents life long pain. Key is to know what you are getting into. Relationships are not easy. its 3 parts honesty, 1 parts hiding the truth, 1 part lie, 5 part trust. With all this if there is 100% good intentions, good heart and things go fine. If there is more honesty or less, relationship fails. Honesty is like a sugar, too much of it and dish goes spoil. You cannot hide more or chances are one gets caught. Occasionally you have to tell a lie just to save that moment (remember 100% good intentions) And finally there are things that you need to learn to leave, trust on your partner. The above combination could work with little variation as long as there are good intention and in general person has a good heart. @riya Muloghonto and beetle 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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