Mariyam Posted May 23, 2021 Posted May 23, 2021 10 hours ago, kepler37b said: Disagree. Not all people are mature. There are people who just break the relationship, even after having kids, for the frivolous reasons like "incompatibility", "She has become fat and old", "He failed in his career", "We both do not have love between us any more". Some kind of societal pressure is required to keep these short sighted people on a leash. It's NOT just about two individuals. What is maturity though? Its not a destination one must get to before a decision. One becomes mature by learning from one's mistakes. Negative emotions/experiences are the best mnemonics and hence the best teachers. There is only so much maturity that you can vicariously glean from learning from the mistakes of others. beetle and mishra 2
EnterTheVoid Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 3 hours ago, Mariyam said: I guess its how one looks at it. If one were to not have expectations from a marriage and see it as a next phase, it seems like something one does to conform to existing societal norms. To not stand out as an exception. Not very different from guys ( mainly boys) taking science after 10th out of a heady mix of peer pressure and family ki naak ka sawal. I would look at marriage ( or a serious relationship) in a completely different way. You take a step towards marriage if you are going to be happier after marriage than you were before. Else, its far too much of an investment. I had given the example in another thread too. In my extended family and wider friends circle, those who had an arranged marriage were the ones who had extravagant and exorbitant ceremonies. A way for the parents to say "look we've spent all this on your wedding, you guys better toe the line". And these are the couples who've drifted apart/ have been having a very difficult time trying to adjust. The one's who've married for love, are the ones who are going steady and are a lot more equipped (emotionally) to see through difficult times. Stage 3 of the article you've linked in the other thread. The 5 year itch, is better handled by couples who are decision takers and not by those who are yes men/women to familial pressure. At least from my set of observations. It's only when two people start living together, matters truly come to the fore. Some are minor irritations - toilet seat up v/s toilet seat down. Others, such as mismatched sex drives for example, have the ability to render the relationship truly untenable. Vivek92 and mishra 1 1
beetle Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 On 5/24/2021 at 1:52 AM, Mariyam said: I would look at marriage ( or a serious relationship) in a completely different way. You take a step towards marriage if you are going to be happier after marriage than you were before. Else, its far too much of an investment. This. mishra and Vivek92 1 1
EnterTheVoid Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 22 minutes ago, beetle said: This. The opposite holds true as well. The couple genuinely want to spend the rest of their lives together. But than, somewhere down the line, they fall out of love. At that point, they're better off living separately than they are living together. mishra, Vivek92 and beetle 3
beetle Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 26 minutes ago, EnterTheVoid said: The opposite holds true as well. The couple genuinely want to spend the rest of their lives together. But than, somewhere down the line, they fall out of love. At that point, they're better off living separately than they are living together. True...but I feel you really have to be sure before you call quit. Temporary seperations ,therapy etc should be tried.....because even in good marriage ,one falls in and out of love many times. As long as you care for the other person ,then one should wait and try. If hate and regret enter the equation,then it is easier to quit . EnterTheVoid and mishra 2
Trichromatic Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 On 5/24/2021 at 1:52 AM, Mariyam said: I would look at marriage ( or a serious relationship) in a completely different way. You take a step towards marriage if you are going to be happier after marriage than you were before. Else, its far too much of an investment. So, in that case I should never get married? mishra 1
EnterTheVoid Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 16 minutes ago, Trichromatic said: So, in that case I should never get married? Why would you get married if you will end up worse off than what you are currently? mishra 1
kepler37b Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 (edited) And each spouse should accept that two individuals(and families) come from two different value systems and there are no "right" or "wrong" values. People skills are soooo important here. Edited May 25, 2021 by kepler37b Vivek92 and mishra 1 1
Mariyam Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 33 minutes ago, Trichromatic said: So, in that case I should never get married? Never? Its not something you can certainly rule out for your whole life based on what you may feel now. But if currently you find yourself better off w/o marriage and don't see any tangible upside, why bother? mishra and beetle 2
mishra Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 (edited) Personally, I think women are better person then men in relationships. All they have is general issues which most men can ignore easily but men have vices, deep secrets and idiocy. Most women, even though they are okie to live together, they hope to get married. So they must be right. As a man, i allways keep reminding myself, men are naturally gifted to take risk despite little or no reward when they come in herd. In other words, men are idiots. So female icfers, take no heedhttps://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2014/12/12/370414365/are-men-idiots-who-do-stupid-things-study-says-yes?t=1621942895019 Edited May 25, 2021 by mishra
beetle Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 5 hours ago, Trichromatic said: So, in that case I should never get married? Why do you feel you will not be happier after marriage than you are now? Not marrying is only a problem if a person wants to get married. If one is happy unmarried or if one does not want to marry....then staying single is absolutely fine. We have some single people in our family who seem to be having a perfectly good life in their forties fifties. Alam_dar 1
EnterTheVoid Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 (edited) Getting into a serious relationship of any kind for temporary sexual gratification - NOT recommended. Think with your head. The other head. Not the one that gets you in bed. The one that gets you out of trouble. Edited May 25, 2021 by EnterTheVoid
mishra Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 ^ Happiness or Unhappiness can not be related to marriage. Un/Happiness is totally your own state of mind. Term “Happily married” is very loosely used. Only truth is Lifes necessities will change over period. Some people can deal with it and some cant. There is no guarantee that one who can’t after marriage would have been able to deal it without it.
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