Types of friendships/relationships all over the world.

[MechEng]

I'd like ICFers here especially the ones who have been to many countries as to how they view friendships or relationships in different countries?

 

My observations about America is that the culture feels very isolating, there is no genuine warmth in social interactions, people are hyper professional and their lives revolve around working too hard and consuming goods from the money they make, there is no real sense of a community or a culture. Sure Americans appear nice, but it is very superficial, being stressed out is seen as a virtue and if someone is relaxed, he/she is not productive enough.

 

These are my views about America, others may agree/disagree with me and can present their views too. I have never been to Europe or Middle East or any other Asian country, so folks can share their personal experiences here!

[Zero_Unit]

One thing I like about the western culture that I see very little in Asian culture, they are more concerned with self growth and self success. Asian culture on the other hand, has excuses lined up, from my experience. 

 

Another thing I appreciate is that parents allows kids to be more independent compared to Asian culture where you are still being treated as a child at age 30 for some god forsaken reason.

 

 

Edited November 14, 2019 by Zero_Unit

[coffee_rules]

4 hours ago, MechEng said:

I'd like ICFers here especially the ones who have been to many countries as to how they view friendships or relationships in different countries?

 

My observations about America is that the culture feels very isolating, there is no genuine warmth in social interactions, people are hyper professional and their lives revolve around working too hard and consuming goods from the money they make, there is no real sense of a community or a culture. Sure Americans appear nice, but it is very superficial, being stressed out is seen as a virtue and if someone is relaxed, he/she is not productive enough.

 

These are my views about America, others may agree/disagree with me and can present their views too. I have never been to Europe or Middle East or any other Asian country, so folks can share their personal experiences here!

I have interacted with Italian, Spainish {from Spain), Russian and Black Americans, found them to be very similar to us. They are like either second or third genarations. Hispanics too are very family oriented,  A white guy at work took care of his bed ridden father and a autistic brother, while performing top at work. Some amazing people. Another lady too, not married but takes care of her mother. Most dont stay together, but they are responsible, meet often. We are peculiar, prefer to stay together and are always at each others' hairs. Probably healthier to have that personal space.

 

Also interactions with us desis  are always warm and sharing family news etc. Yes, some are cold, but there are some desis who hate other desis too. So, even stevens.

Edited November 13, 2019 by coffee_rules

[MechEng]

6 hours ago, Zero_Unit said:

One thing I like about the western culture that I see very little about Asian culture, they are more concerned with self growth and self success. Asian culture in the other hand, has excuses lined up, from my experience. 

 

Another thing I appreciate is that parents allows kids to be more independent compared to Asian culture where you are still being treated as a child at age 30 for some god forsaken reason.

 

 

I guess you meant American culture. There is no such thing as Western culture, Greeks have a lot more in common with Indians than Americans.

[MechEng]

3 hours ago, coffee_rules said:

I have interacted with Italian, Spainish {from Spain), Russian and Black Americans, found them to be very similar to us. They are like either second or third genarations. Hispanics too are very family oriented,  A white guy at work took care of his bed ridden father and a autistic brother, while performing top at work. Some amazing people. Another lady too, not married but takes care of her mother. Most dont stay together, but they are responsible, meet often. We are peculiar, prefer to stay together and are always at each others' hairs. Probably healthier to have that personal space.

 

Also interactions with us desis  are always warm and sharing family news etc. Yes, some are cold, but there are some desis who hate other desis too. So, even stevens.

True, those are some wonderful people you've met.

[Zero_Unit]

3 hours ago, MechEng said:

I guess you meant American culture. There is no such thing as Western culture, Greeks have a lot more in common with Indians than Americans.

considering the topic of discussion was about american culture, yes by western culture, that's what I ment. 

[someone]

America is all about individualism. Both parents / children look forward to 18 years age, where parents can throw out their children.  Its extremely transactional based relationships.

[ExtremeBrainfade]

7 hours ago, someone said:

America is all about individualism. Both parents / children look forward to 18 years age, where parents can throw out their children.  Its extremely transactional based relationships.

Bakwaas.  Didn't many of us go off to hostels at 18? 

 

In the USofA, kids (especially middle class kids), go to college and their parents do nothing for them, except: 

(1) Pay for their car insurance.

(2) Pay college tuition through their noses and sometimes ears.

(3) Pay health insurance premium till the kid is 26.

(4) Pay dorm fee or apartment rent.

(5) Often provide weekend laundry and catering service.

(6) Pay travel back and forth for holidays.

 

Kid typically works in retail or at restaurants to make car payment and buy food.  

 

Just because parents don't live with their kids does not mean the relationship is strictly transactional.  Space and individualism can be a good thing. 

 

When juxtaposed with all the bickering that goes on in our sansksaar - about house, land, jewellery, and then MIL-DIL drama and all that, all the emotional psenti about "Maa baap equal to bhagwaan" and craving "Ma ke haath ka khaana" when you are 35 y.o is just hollow jazbaa.          

Edited November 14, 2019 by ExtremeBrainfade

[MechEng]

3 hours ago, ExtremeBrainfade said:

Bakwaas.  Didn't many of us go off to hostels at 18? 

 

In the USofA, kids (especially middle class kids), go to college and their parents do nothing for them, except: 

(1) Pay for their car insurance.

(2) Pay college tuition through their noses and sometimes ears.

(3) Pay health insurance premium till the kid is 26.

(4) Pay dorm fee or apartment rent.

(5) Often provide weekend laundry and catering service.

(6) Pay travel back and forth for holidays.

 

Kid typically works in retail or at restaurants to make car payment and buy food.  

 

Just because parents don't live with their kids does not mean the relationship is strictly transactional.  Space and individualism can be a good thing. 

 

When juxtaposed with all the bickering that goes on in our sansksaar - about house, land, jewellery, and then MIL-DIL drama and all that, all the emotional psenti about "Maa baap equal to bhagwaan" and craving "Ma ke haath ka khaana" when you are 35 y.o is just hollow jazbaa.          

But this is the case you're mentioning which is the good part about living in the US and the not so good part about living in Asian countries.

I personally know people who rely on Xanax everyday just to stay sane, yes kids become independent but it has costs too as @someone said. 

[ExtremeBrainfade]

47 minutes ago, MechEng said:

But this is the case you're mentioning which is the good part about living in the US and the not so good part about living in Asian countries.

I personally know people who rely on Xanax everyday just to stay sane, yes kids become independent but it has costs too as @someone said. 

I personally had friends who smoked ganja everyday in the hostel just to stay sane ... and their parents drank or went to astrologers or drank with astrologers ... not sure what the point is? 

[Real McCoy]

On 11/13/2019 at 10:47 PM, MechEng said:

I'd like ICFers here especially the ones who have been to many countries as to how they view friendships or relationships in different countries?

 

My observations about America is that the culture feels very isolating, there is no genuine warmth in social interactions, people are hyper professional and their lives revolve around working too hard and consuming goods from the money they make, there is no real sense of a community or a culture. Sure Americans appear nice, but it is very superficial, being stressed out is seen as a virtue and if someone is relaxed, he/she is not productive enough.

 

These are my views about America, others may agree/disagree with me and can present their views too. I have never been to Europe or Middle East or any other Asian country, so folks can share their personal experiences here!

I have lived in America for a decade and I'm living in India right now for 7 years. What you say is true but you're being very generic. The culture you speak of is also very common in Indian cities. The only difference is you won't find isolation in India because you are forced to interact with others because of inter dependence or family requirements. The only real relationships in a big city in India with any meaning is between parents and children, siblings, some close relatives, and close friends. This is also true of american society.

Indian small towns and villages are a different beast though. They are the patrons of true Indian culture. You will also feel small town american culture is also a bit different to cities. I worked in a company in one town in the american south that would make Chennai appear as modern. There I found some close knit families and long standing friendship between people and have a look of distrust for outsiders just like you would find in Indian villages where tribal values rule the roost. So my opinion is things are different in America but yet things are the same if you look from another angle

[MechEng]

1 hour ago, Real McCoy said:

I have lived in America for a decade and I'm living in India right now for 7 years. What you say is true but you're being very generic. The culture you speak of is also very common in Indian cities. The only difference is you won't find isolation in India because you are forced to interact with others because of inter dependence or family requirements. The only real relationships in a big city in India with any meaning is between parents and children, siblings, some close relatives, and close friends. This is also true of american society.

Indian small towns and villages are a different beast though. They are the patrons of true Indian culture. You will also feel small town american culture is also a bit different to cities. I worked in a company in one town in the american south that would make Chennai appear as modern. There I found some close knit families and long standing friendship between people and have a look of distrust for outsiders just like you would find in Indian villages where tribal values rule the roost. So my opinion is things are different in America but yet things are the same if you look from another angle

The small town culture I have experienced it a bit in Oklahoma, but not so much in other Bible belt states, but you're largely correct.

Before this thread digresses further, it is not an American bashing thread but more of a discussion on social customs all over the world and how are they different from one another.

 

This is not a criticism but I feel that Americans in general are too tough on themselves, I don't know if it's a product of Protestant ethic.

[Muloghonto]

On 11/14/2019 at 5:06 AM, ExtremeBrainfade said:

Bakwaas.  Didn't many of us go off to hostels at 18? 

 

In the USofA, kids (especially middle class kids), go to college and their parents do nothing for them, except: 

(1) Pay for their car insurance.

(2) Pay college tuition through their noses and sometimes ears.

(3) Pay health insurance premium till the kid is 26.

(4) Pay dorm fee or apartment rent.

(5) Often provide weekend laundry and catering service.

(6) Pay travel back and forth for holidays.

 

Kid typically works in retail or at restaurants to make car payment and buy food.  

 

Just because parents don't live with their kids does not mean the relationship is strictly transactional.  Space and individualism can be a good thing. 

 

When juxtaposed with all the bickering that goes on in our sansksaar - about house, land, jewellery, and then MIL-DIL drama and all that, all the emotional psenti about "Maa baap equal to bhagwaan" and craving "Ma ke haath ka khaana" when you are 35 y.o is just hollow jazbaa.          

Yeah this is why most westerners send their parents and oldies to die alone in old people homes and we take care of ours in our own homes. 

[beetle]

On 11/14/2019 at 10:42 AM, someone said:

 Its extremely transactional based relationships

Transactional based relationships are where children ,specially sons are produced as investments for future,like retirement plans .

 

Relationships where ' I gave birth to you ' or' I raised  you ' are  sacrifices done by parents...like there is an option of not doing that once you have children....like children had an option of not being born.

 

Guess where all this happens often....

 

Edited November 17, 2019 by beetle

[Real McCoy]

9 hours ago, Muloghonto said:

Yeah this is why most westerners send their parents and oldies to die alone in old people homes and we take care of ours in our own homes. 

That is not always true in Indian cities too. There are old age homes springing up here as well. In my apartment complex, there are many seniors who have their sons and daughters living in US with a permanent housekeeper to take care of them.

[Real McCoy]

Once I was reading a book on vedic astrology in the library here. There the author points out the difference between Western and Eastern thought process. I don't know why he went into that in an astrology book. He said western societies have made emergency care, health care, old age care, etc as a government institution or private institution. In the east, these are usually left to their community. He just points out the differences but does not pass judgement on which is better. I hope we keep that in mind