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An open letter to a Dilli da munda

Holysmoke

By Holysmoke
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Holysmoke

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http://raagshahana.blogspot.com/2011/09/open-letter-to-delhi-boy.html
Dear Delhi boy, Namaskaram from the South of India, or as you may like to believe, the countries south of the Vindhyas. I came to your city 2 years ago with a brand new job and a bucketload of expectations. My friends and family here thought I was completely insane to choose Delhi over more female conducive cities like Bangalore or even Bombay. I am very sad to report that your reputation of being an ignorant, chauvinistic oaf with the intelligence levels of an autistic 3 year old on crack precedes you and it hurts me even more to admit to this rather accurate description. Your reputation has travelled far and wide, to countries outside South India as well. And believe me man, it is not a pretty situation. I understand that your stone faded, ripped jeans, your V-neck cleavage showing t-shirts that reveal to the world that you have infact inherited your motherÃÔ voluptuous shaved Punjabi bosom, are what you think maketh a man, but it does not. It only maketh for a man who gets a pity license to share his girlfriendÃÔ bra. I write to you as a woman who has been brought up in a society free of any discrimination towards women so thanks to you, my living in Delhi is as safe as Hugh HefnerÃÔ playmate of the year living in Jeddah. You meet me at a friendÃÔ birthday, talk to me about nightclubs and your new SUV and when I look like IÃÎ in desperate need of a barf bag, you think I have an attitude problem. I understand this completely. But let me remind you that I am from SOUTH INDIA and not SOUTH DELHI, so no ,I am not scrawny, I am not fair, I donÃÕ have straight hair and my topics of conversation go beyond the Fendi I saw in last monthÃÔ Vogue. I am olive-skinned, have lower ËÃack-length lustrous cascading tresses that sometimes make me look like I fell out Jim MorrisonÃÔ tour bus. Got a problem with that? Well just suck it up coz I was born into a society where a woman can whoop your Punjabi patoutie to pulp. While your mother pretends to be very progressive but still cows down to the whims of her husband every single time, mine on the other hand was born into a matriarchal home where every single possession is in the rightful name of the girl child. Could you ever, my hunky handsome, cash throwing pig, imagine this kind of power in your society? So stop telling me that women are not treated like trash where you come from. Just shut up and admit to it. ItÃÔ just easier that way. And lest we forget that weÃ×e managed to curtail the number of rape cases despite not having a female Chief Minister. Amma ÃÔ body composition generates way too much heat for her get out of her AC room anyway, so donÃÕ even bring that up. And your English. Good Lord, what in the world is up with that? I donÃÕ want you to ÃÆxplain me anything. ItÃÔ like you need to go to primary school all over again. And call them your parents, not your ÃÑeerents or what your cooler, more happening brethren call themÃñmere mom-dad? Like what are they? Conjoined twins? Are they joined at the hip? Your South India counterparts may not have your looks, but are way more mentally stimulating, a quality that eludes you obviously, but has been the single most sexy factor for us Southie chicks since the age of five. I mean once again, who can blame you? You were brought up on Gurdas Mann and the heroic deeds of Devinder Singh Bhullar and the ever so fair concepts such as elections in Phugwada while we mere ÃÃlack-colour waale mortals had to make do with Bharatnatyam classes, M.S Subhalakshmi and chess. Shame no? And yes, if by a slight chance, you do find my big dancer eyes attractive enough for you to prolong our conversations and meetings and if by an even slighter chance you fall in love with me and decide to marry me, you will have to wear a mundu and you will have to lie prostrate shirtless at the Guruvayurappan temple. A small price to pay for all the genuine independence I am giving up for you. And thatÃÔ the real thing, not what you see the Delhi girls at LSR and StephenÃÔ doing during their fake as hell protest marches coz ultimately theyÃÓe going home to a family whoÃÓe putting together money for Bobby betaÃÔ bail coz he just ran over his girlfriendÃÔ ex, by mistake of course. I understand that I come from the land of ugly. I mean obviously Hema Malini, Sri Devi and Aishwarya Rai with their natural banal looks donÃÕ even hold a candle to Priyanka Chopra after her two nose jobs and one lip reconstruction surgery. Not a chance in hell. But when you do come to ask for my hand, remember I am part Maharashtrian and part South Indian and NO, they are not the same thing. So please tell your family, not to drop racist bombs like Å¢rey woh sab toh ôawth ke hi hote hai na? And YOUÃÃ…onÃÕ walk up to mother in an attempt to make flattering conversation and say **** like Å¢unty you donÃÕ look like a South Indian You are so fair In return she will verbally Texas chainsaw massacre your face so badly, your dead Dadi will haunt you the very same night, telling you how fleeing Pakistan was less traumatic. So donÃÕ. Better still just donÃÕ speak. Just glean and flex your muscles a little and keep smiling. Just whatever you do, donÃÕ talk. You may not like our food, but then we donÃÕ like you, which is worse. We may not be even that into food, but then thatÃÔ coz we have other things to do with our lives, like crack IIT or become writers, journalists, activists and do things that we are very passionate about. The South Indian woman has a voice and boy can she yell. So if you want to Sambhar ähawl your way into my life, then you got to toe the line. Be way more aware than what your are. Remember Delhi is not a country and we are not Black. If I ever hear you utter that name of that colour, I will Kalaripayattu your tongue out of your rear. Yes , that is the secret behind our awesome sex ratio. Just so you know. For someone who is so confident of his physical abilities you really suck at luring an intelligent woman. DonÃÕ send me text messages that say ÃÉappy guru purab? you freakshow and if you want to be cute with your ever so charming (not) Punjabi advances, then donÃÕ send texts that say Ã…Â¥il laye gayee kudi Madrraaas di? NO. ItÃÔ just not cool man. I may have have missed on a lot in this letter, but thatÃÔ ok because youÃÃl forget to read it and even if you do , youÃÃl get your cousin Jassi from Defence Callonny to translate it for you. And this letter canÃÕ go on forever like the Punjabi male ego. So long my love, and hereÃÔ two steps of gidda just for you, just to show that I can be traditional and will not accidently kick your sister while doing so. Love, hugs, kisses aka ÃÃŽuah (only I shall ÃÃŽuah? you please donÃÕ do anything coz you tend to forget that these are my lips and not a piece of Tandoori Chicken from Kakke- Da- Dhabba) Yours Madrasan (Only I can call myself that. If you EVER call me by this name, I will shove so many coconuts down your system that your little saver pack versions will begin to sprout coir.)
ganeshran Collaborator

ganeshran

Posted
Posted
Yours Madrasan (Only I can call myself that. If you EVER call me by this name, I will shove so many coconuts down your system that your little saver pack versions will begin to sprout coir.)
:hysterical::hysterical:
rahulrulezz Rookie

rahulrulezz

Posted
Posted

Dear Southie Kudiye, I think this Vneck is more of a bambaiya or bollywood thing than Delhis. Loll I m not biased but from what I have seen around, Delhi guys r more smarter than ur average Madrassis. We have all the best institutes in India We have the best looking girls of India Our food is yumazingg. Even a three day old samosa tastes better than a fresh Idli :P Delhi, Haryana, Punjab have the highest capita in India I don't care if coconut chutney makes you high but don't u call punjabi women sissy. Kiran Bedi owns all madrassans:P Yours Gabru Jawan (Please dont even try pronouncing it)

kubrickian Collaborator

kubrickian

Posted
Posted
Dear Southie Kudiye, I think this Vneck is more of a bambaiya or bollywood thing than Delhis. Loll I m not biased but from what I have seen around, Delhi guys r more smarter than ur average Madrassis. We have all the best institutes in India We have the best looking girls of India Our food is yumazingg. Even a three day old samosa tastes better than a fresh Idli :P Delhi, Haryana, Punjab have the highest capita in India I don't care if coconut chutney makes you high but don't u call punjabi women sissy. Kiran Bedi owns all madrassans:P Yours Gabru Jawan (Please dont even try pronouncing it)
It doesnt matter much in the larger context when the collective area of those states is slightly larger than my backyard in South India. :tongue:
coffee_rules Grand Master

coffee_rules

Posted
Posted

One of my friend's wife was narrating this incident: When she confronts a eve-teaser in South India, she gets a lot of support from passerby janta and they all confront the perps. Once she did the same in a DTC bus, she was told by a lot of men in the bus - 'Ladki hoke jabaan ladathi hai, '. It's a different culture.

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