Need some valuable suggestion with regards to relationship+marriage

[Autonomous]

Keep parents or families at arms length, you two should start your own family if you think you share bonding, passion, eagerness, and ability to love as well as grow with each other. 

[ravishingravi]

Unconventional view. Don’t put marriage on pedestal. In life terms, it has little existential relevance. Truth is no matter what anyone says, life is uncertain. But as people we have needs. Keeping all the other constraints aside, you must just do an honest assessment of your needs. Do you need to do it ? 
 

So don’t hype the decision. Not all people’s lives are defined by their marriages. In my view, if you want to stay with the girl and in our society marriage is way, then it’s alright. But it’s no magic bullet and it’s no final destination either.

[Autonomous]

5 minutes ago, ravishingravi said:

Unconventional view. Don’t put marriage on pedestal. In life terms, it has little existential relevance. Truth is no matter what anyone says, life is uncertain. But as people we have needs. Keeping all the other constraints aside, you must just do an honest assessment of your needs. Do you need to do it ? 
 

So don’t hype the decision. Not all people’s lives are defined by their marriages. In my view, if you want to stay with the girl and in our society marriage is way, then it’s alright. But it’s no magic bullet and it’s no final destination either.

 

I think finding the right one is important, if he feels that the person improves his life then he should do it. 

[coffee_rules]

14 minutes ago, beetle said:

If families don't get along and the couple still want to get married,then court marriage is the best way out.

 

Wedding planning and ceremony are tough on even compatible families....but when there are diffetences,these occasions can get the worst out in people.

Just one incidence, one mistake ,one upset relative can not just spoil the occasion but also relations for a long long time.

Naraaz phupha will be there in every marriage 

[coffee_rules]

1 hour ago, WC2011INDIA said:

She has on a few occasions suggested court marriage. What to do? Any suggestions? 

She seems to be the better level-headed among the two. She’s a keeper! Haan to banta hain

[ravishingravi]

2 minutes ago, Autonomous said:

 

I think finding the right one is important, if he feels that the person improves his life then he should do it. 

 

It’s perhaps something most folks think. I don’t. 90s Bollywood has pretty much worn off. And it’s also individual. 
 

I think the choice of any relationship ( need not be marriage ) is to be best person you can be for that other person. 
 

The term right person is riddled with expectations and assumptions. Biggest assumption is that life and people are constants. They are not. They change and evolve and what you think is right today may not feel right tomorrow. Life can get messy in many ways one can’t imagine. 
 

So I wouldn’t put much weight on right and wrong. Life will take its course. Much of which is beyond your control anyway. 

[WC2011INDIA]

2 hours ago, G_B_ said:

Btw this gunas not matching appear to be a common trend now a days.

 

A cousin went to three astrologer/pandits they all interpreted things differently.

 

 

 

Luckily both sides were practical and got three poojas done to eliminate any issues. 

 

 

Court marraige followed by a small religious ceremony is the best solution in this case. You can give your friends a party seperately and eaxh family can have seperate receptions etc.

 

 

 

Practical and 3 poojas don't go together...

[Dery]

Del

Edited May 23, 2021 by Dery

[punjabi_khota]

Maybe I am misemembering somethings, but aren't you the dude who some 10 years asked for advice regarding a date that may lead to you losing your v-card.

Is this the same girl ?

[Khota]

13 hours ago, WC2011INDIA said:

So I like this girl a lot eventhough we have had many heated arguements due to my parents not liking her family resulting in lack of response from my side for marriage. Her parents are putting a lot of pressure on her too for marriage. We usually resolve our arguements, but leave a stinger in both minds by saying things to each other. Somehow, we are still continuing, however, doubts do creep in both minds. It is affecting us a lot. On top of that, kundali match is 19/36 with nadi guna being 0/8. Other gunas are also not special. She has on a few occasions suggested court marriage. I am completely lost and feel directionless. What to do? Any suggestions? 

I dont believe in Kundali, stars etc.

 

If you like the girl and she loves you too then go for it.

[Autonomous]

17 hours ago, ravishingravi said:

 

It’s perhaps something most folks think. I don’t. 90s Bollywood has pretty much worn off. And it’s also individual. 
 

I think the choice of any relationship ( need not be marriage ) is to be best person you can be for that other person. 
 

The term right person is riddled with expectations and assumptions. Biggest assumption is that life and people are constants. They are not. They change and evolve and what you think is right today may not feel right tomorrow. Life can get messy in many ways one can’t imagine. 
 

So I wouldn’t put much weight on right and wrong. Life will take its course. Much of which is beyond your control anyway. 

You need to be clear in your head what your standing in life is. 

 

You know your financial and non-financial position and prospects by mid twenties including career/work, likes, and behavior.

 

For instance, if you are a conservative person till 25 years of age it is unlikely that you'd change. Ultimately, it defines the sort of person you can live with either someone with their own dreams or someone rather simple as housemaker. 

[WC2011INDIA]

On 5/23/2021 at 7:24 PM, coffee_rules said:

She seems to be the better level-headed among the two. She’s a keeper! Haan to banta hain

I can't tell if you are being genuine about her being a keeper or being sarcastic. I hope it is the former?

[EnterTheVoid]

Update please. 

 

What have you decided in the end?

[WC2011INDIA]

47 minutes ago, EnterTheVoid said:

Update please. 

 

What have you decided in the end?

Undecided. Mom believes in kundali and all. I feel like I am trying to please everyone, but failing at it. I want everything to just work out. Family to like each other, kundali to match..everything. I wish I was right now in a foreign country far from all the societal expectations in India and their constant gaze when it comes to relationships and marriages.

[EnterTheVoid]

If you truly want to spend the rest of your life with her, marry her. 

 

You'll upset a lot of people in the short term. But they'll get over it - Time is the best healer.

 

You also mentioned that you and your gf had many heated arguments. This is a definite red flag. She is someone you need to be able to talk to, it's not a boxing match where each party is trying to 1 up the other. 

[Ranvir]

If you have lots of arguments now it will be even worse when you live together and spend more time with one another.

 

Are you going to live with your parents? Are her parents going to want to come over frequently to your parents house to see her?

 

Think about these points carefully.

[EnterTheVoid]

3 minutes ago, Ranvir said:

If you have lots of arguments now it will be even worse when you live together and spend more time with one another.

 

Are you going to live with your parents? Are her parents going to want to come over frequently to your parents house to see her?

 

Think about these points carefully.

 

Good point. 

 

If you and your GF will live in a joint family arrangement, going by the information you've given us so far, you'll either be arguing with each other. Or you will be arguing with your parents. Or you will be arguing with your in laws.

 

Do you have the capacity to manage?

[jf1gp_1]

On 5/23/2021 at 5:44 PM, WC2011INDIA said:

So I like this girl a lot eventhough we have had many heated arguements due to my parents not liking her family resulting in lack of response from my side for marriage. Her parents are putting a lot of pressure on her too for marriage. We usually resolve our arguements, but leave a stinger in both minds by saying things to each other. Somehow, we are still continuing, however, doubts do creep in both minds. It is affecting us a lot. On top of that, kundali match is 19/36 with nadi guna being 0/8. Other gunas are also not special. She has on a few occasions suggested court marriage. I am completely lost and feel directionless. What to do? Any suggestions? 

Don’t get married, is the only advice you need from married men.

Edited May 29, 2021 by jf1gp_1

[coffee_rules]

6 hours ago, WC2011INDIA said:

I can't tell if you are being genuine about her being a keeper or being sarcastic. I hope it is the former?

Apologize for being blunt, but I was not being sarcastic. I was only going by your statements that she was suggesting a court marriage that she was practical. But it is a mutual partnership, so you two are best to judge it all. It is a difficult conundrum, but it always difficult to find someone with a level of comfort, later in life. Hope it all works out for you. 

[Ranvir]

On 5/29/2021 at 10:38 AM, EnterTheVoid said:

 

Good point. 

 

If you and your GF will live in a joint family arrangement, going by the information you've given us so far, you'll either be arguing with each other. Or you will be arguing with your parents. Or you will be arguing with your in laws.

 

Do you have the capacity to manage?

Worse still, the two sets of parents will be rubbing each other the wrong way if her parents come to visit.

 

If you do decide to get married then either live separately from your parents or make sure that your in-laws don't come to visit you guys at your parents house, visit them instead.

 

My parents don't like having many people over or like going to other people's houses too much and this bothered my very social in laws. Things got better when me and my wife moved into our own place and her parents were able to visit more.

Edited May 30, 2021 by Ranvir