Need some valuable suggestion with regards to relationship+marriage

[WC2011INDIA]

So I like this girl a lot eventhough we have had many heated arguements due to my parents not liking her family resulting in lack of response from my side for marriage. Her parents are putting a lot of pressure on her too for marriage. We usually resolve our arguements, but leave a stinger in both minds by saying things to each other. Somehow, we are still continuing, however, doubts do creep in both minds. It is affecting us a lot. On top of that, kundali match is 19/36 with nadi guna being 0/8. Other gunas are also not special. She has on a few occasions suggested court marriage. I am completely lost and feel directionless. What to do? Any suggestions? 

Edited May 23, 2021 by WC2011INDIA

[coffee_rules]

Don’t believe in Kundali, guN matching etc. Tools for middle class to decide on matrimony and rozgaar for astrologers. Just think or imagine being a 50 year old with her, jhel payega to haan karde. Baaki sab irrelevant 

[velu]

2 minutes ago, WC2011INDIA said:

To top it off, kundali match is 19/36 with nadi guna being 0/8. Other gunas are also not special.

 

ram and sita kundli match is 36/36 .. but both were sent to forest for decades , separated for years by ravana ....  

[WC2011INDIA]

6 minutes ago, velu said:

 

ram and sita kundli match is 36/36 .. but both were sent to forest for decades , separated for years by ravana ....  

Actually, as per our kundli match there is high chance of no progeny...

 

And having a perfect score is also considered bad. Hence, ram and sita had to go through all that. Also, sita had to further suffer after end of ravana by getting banished while pregnant

Edited May 23, 2021 by WC2011INDIA

[Yoda-esque]

Both of you need to mature,till then don't marry

[EnterTheVoid]

Three simple tips that helped me. Hope it helps you too.

 

1. Is she the first thing you want to see in the morning when you wake up?

2. Is she the last thing you want to see before you go to sleep?

3. Has your life improved after being with her? 

 

If you answered YES to all three, then, she's a keeper. Fight for it.

 

When I met my missus the first time, I just knew it was her. Like I've known her from a previous lifetime

[kepler37b]

15 minutes ago, WC2011INDIA said:

So I like this girl a lot eventhough we have had many heated arguements due to my parents not liking her family resulting in lack of response from my side for marriage. Her parents are putting a lot of pressure on her too for marriage. We usually resolve our arguements, but leave a stinger in both minds by saying things to each other. Somehow, we are still continuing, however, doubts do creep in both minds. It is affecting us a lot. On top of that, kundali match is 19/36 with nadi guna being 0/8. Other gunas are also not special. She has on a few occasions suggested court marriage. I am completely lost and feel directionless. What to do? Any suggestions? 

It the families are incompatible, it becomes very difficult for a couple in India. Its a daily walk on nails.  Think over. There is nothing called "she is the only one". 

[kepler37b]

While approaching relationships, be very logical and be very calculated.

 

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-four-stages-of-relationships-4163472

 

The above piece is very well written.

[coffee_rules]

10 minutes ago, EnterTheVoid said:

Three simple tips that helped me. Hope it helps you too.

 

1. Is she the first thing you want to see in the morning when you wake up?

2. Is she the last thing you want to see before you go to sleep?

3. Has your life improved after being with her? 

 

If you answered YES to all three, then, she's a keeper. Fight for it.

 

When I met my missus the first time, I just knew it was her. Like I've known her from a previous lifetime

Looks like Rahul, naam to sunahi hoga. Dat you?

[EnterTheVoid]

@WC2011INDIA Some advice I'd like to share, if I may:

 

An acquaintance of mine was complaining how his wife wasn't able to sexually satisfy him. This chap saw himself as a bit of a wannabe porn star. And just wanted to "ram it in", if you get my drift. 

 

The wife, bless her heart, is a not a Rubik's cube who can contortion her body into weird positions. Our friend was a bit too thick to get it. 

 

Long story short, open communication is the key. It'll solve 90% off the problems you'll face. 

[WC2011INDIA]

The nadi guna being 0 is scary. Chance of bad health, no children or weak next generation, possibility of divorce etc is giving me nightmares.

 

And honestly things nowadays is getting a bit too much that I don't feel either one of us has that same feeling eventhough we keep saying that we are there for each other and will marry no matter what. We have tried to break up many times, but somehow after lot of arguements and talks on the phone and in person, we get back together. Maybe because of the physical intimacy we have had on several occasions even after fights and non approval from my parents for marriage, we are still together. Sometimes it feels that's the only thing keeping us together. 

 

[EnterTheVoid]

Hypothetically, let's just say you married a non Indian girl. Than, all these pseudo matching techniques will go out the window, right?

 

So, why are they important if you marry an Indian girl? And not important if you marry a non Indian girl?

 

Not being judgemental of your choices or anything. Just trying to understand where you are coming from. 

[beetle]

49 minutes ago, velu said:

 

ram and sita kundli match is 36/36 .. but both were sent to forest for decades , separated for years by ravana ....  

That was not even the worst part. That came later.

[diga]

38 minutes ago, EnterTheVoid said:

Three simple tips that helped me. Hope it helps you too.

 

1. Is she the first thing you want to see in the morning when you wake up?

2. Is she the last thing you want to see before you go to sleep?

3. Has your life improved after being with her? 

 

If you answered YES to all three, then, she's a keeper. Fight for it.

 

When I met my missus the first time, I just knew it was her. Like I've known her from a previous lifetime

Can you answer the  above 3 questions from her perspective too?

 

I think one needs to work on it in the long term. I would say if the missus is as understanding &  mature to know that relationship needs a lot of communication in the initial years, one will have a long & happy marriage

[EnterTheVoid]

2 minutes ago, diga said:

Can you answer the  above 3 questions from her perspective too?

 

I think one needs to work on it in the long term. I would say if the missus is as understanding &  mature to know that relationship needs a lot of communication in the initial years, one will have a long & happy marriage

 

I'd be worried if her answer to the three questions is someone other than me

[G_B_]

If your too worried about gunas you need to consult multiple astologers.

 

But there are mechanisms i guess like first marrying a tree etc. Guna can be overcome with poojas if you believe in them. Aishwarya rai and abhishek bachchan too had this issue. She married a tree and in theory her marriage to abhisheik bachchan was her second. 

 

Re families. In india that can be a big problem. But a solution might be to live in a neutral city to both sets of relatives. Keep distance.  I think that is the most practical solution if you decide to go ahead.

 

Crucially you need to have a frank discussion with the girl. If she ready to step back a bit from her family if you do the same?

 

 

 

[beetle]

Kundli is not so important if you both personally do not believe in it.

 

Your parents not liking her family and you both fighting about it a big red flag. These issues do not go away. Wedding will turn even small differences into nightmare.

 

Unless you are ready to back her and keep parents from both side( specially yours as they are the ones who have problems) at arms length after marriage, this will always be a problem. 

 

She does not look like a ' bahu rani' who will bend her head and take crap . Good for her.

 

Sit down with her and discuss how you both can deal with issues that will arise .

 

It can work if you both are planning to live far far away from rest of the family with minimum joint family time .Live in nuclear family. Spend half the vacation together taking turns staying with both families. Spend the other half with with your own families .

 

 

 

 

Edited May 23, 2021 by beetle

[beetle]

27 minutes ago, WC2011INDIA said:

The nadi guna being 0 is scary. Chance of bad health, no children or weak next generation, possibility of divorce etc is giving me nightmares.

 

And honestly things nowadays is getting a bit too much that I don't feel either one of us has that same feeling eventhough we keep saying that we are there for each other and will marry no matter what. We have tried to break up many times, but somehow after lot of arguements and talks on the phone and in person, we get back together. Maybe because of the physical intimacy we have had on several occasions even after fights and non approval from my parents for marriage, we are still together. Sometimes it feels that's the only thing keeping us together. 

 

Have you tried taking a small break ....to see how it feels to be without the other person?

 

If  you are not sure, don't rush into anything .

 

 

[beetle]

1 hour ago, WC2011INDIA said:

She has on a few occasions suggested court marriage

If families don't get along and the couple still want to get married,then court marriage is the best way out.

 

Wedding planning and ceremony are tough on even compatible families....but when there are diffetences,these occasions can get the worst out in people.

Just one incidence, one mistake ,one upset relative can not just spoil the occasion but also relations for a long long time.

[G_B_]

Btw this gunas not matching appear to be a common trend now a days.

 

A cousin went to three astrologer/pandits they all interpreted things differently.

 

 

 

Luckily both sides were practical and got three poojas done to eliminate any issues. 

 

 

Court marraige followed by a small religious ceremony is the best solution in this case. You can give your friends a party seperately and eaxh family can have seperate receptions etc.