For NRIs - do you feel like you belong in the place you now call home?

[bharathh]

For those that now call pardes home - do you folks truly ever feel like you belong there? That it is your home?

 

Watching this video took me back to the years after 2001 in the US. Lots of bad memories similar to this one - esp of lots of Black Americans yelling similar things as I went about my business to and from work or college/on the subway etc. One of the reasons I never take movements like BLM seriously. 

 

Although I stayed there for almost 14 yrs I never felt like I belonged there. What do you and your kids think? Perhaps mentally you have resigned/forced yourselves to consider where you stay home - but do you ever feel otherwise? This was one of the biggest reasons for me returning home.

 

 

[raki05]

Lol some Indian living in foreign countries who always dances to their white masters tunes  come here on forum everyday dish  about India , that india and indian lag this and that . It's bloody reality check for them may be not all but many of them(foreigners)have same thinking like this lady even though they don't tell you at your face . So first teach those gyans which you give here to your fellow white master if you have guts.

Edited August 26, 2022 by raki05

[bharathh]

12 minutes ago, raki05 said:

Lol some Indian living in foreign countries who always dances to their white masters tunes  come here on forum everyday dish  about India , that india and indian lag this and that . It's bloody reality check for them may be not all but many of them(foreigners)have same thinking like this lady even though they don't tell you at your face . So first teach those gyans which you give here to your fellow white master if you have guts.

It's not about black or white or whatever - but a feeling of belonging to the land you live in. 

 

For example - I never felt accepted in the US although I lived there for a long time. I always felt alien although I got along with people just fine. One thing I've noticed is that even in the US most people only hang out with people of their own ethnicity. I have rarely ever seen people having genuine friendships with those of other ethnicities - even those that have been there for decades. Most Indians for example that do not have family around and pretty much have the same friend circle they hang out with. Even those in smaller towns and cities who do not have too many other Indians to choose from will travel to other cities/towns to make friends rather than make friends locally. 

 

I am not talking about acquaintances btw - real friends.

[EnterTheVoid]

Matrabhoomi v/s Karmabhoomi debate?

[bharathh]

7 minutes ago, EnterTheVoid said:

Matrabhoomi v/s Karmabhoomi debate?

No debate. Just asking what you feel. I gave my 2 cents earlier.

[Clarke]

I'm sure they feel right at home while in most cases have a soft corner for India. 

 

Funny how the mexican americans can be racists. In my conversations with them across the years in univ & beyond, they saw the United States as their homeland since southwest US was the Mexican empire earlier (akhand mehico dreamz). Some also exhibit concern over immigration & outsourcing benefit Asian countries/people while taking a toll on US. All this while the company we worked for had set up a new manufacturing plant & offshore center in Mexico! This is besides their community having the most illegals in US. That's an insane level of hypocrisy!

 

 

[ravishingravi]

1 hour ago, Clarke said:

I'm sure they feel right at home while in most cases have a soft corner for India. 

 

Funny how the mexican americans can be racists. In my conversations with them across the years in univ & beyond, they saw the United States as their homeland since southwest US was the Mexican empire earlier (akhand mehico dreamz). Some also exhibit concern over immigration & outsourcing benefit Asian countries/people while taking a toll on US. All this while the company we worked for had set up a new manufacturing plant & offshore center in Mexico! This is besides their community having the most illegals in US. That's an insane level of hypocrisy!

 

 

 

Civilizational links can trump national borders. As we keep seeing over and over again. 

[ravishingravi]

There would be threshold number of years for most folks after which they start identifying themselves as NRIs. In my view, depends on the spirit in which you leave. Some are ambivalent, some are explorers, some really detest their homeland, some want the passport, some want firang Biwi etc etc. 

[HamHindustani]

Never felt like home but yes admire the place and made it home 

[Clarke]

4 hours ago, ravishingravi said:

 

Civilizational links can trump national borders. As we keep seeing over and over again. 

 

Agreed on their double standard for beneficiaries of Mexican origin but the idea about akhand mehico homeland sounds more like convenient justification to me. A lot of them have some Spanish ancestry but there is no longing there. 

Edited August 26, 2022 by Clarke

[speed_thrills]

Never felt the belonging and everyday yearning to go back.

[mishra]

5 hours ago, bharathh said:

No debate. Just asking what you feel. I gave my 2 cents earlier.

I bought a House and then I moved in that house and then I made that house as my Home. As soon as I started living in my Home the switch from India to new nation was allmost halfway done. After that, I became part of a new society. Initially that new society had people who were in same boat as me, ie Indians who have immigrated similar decade as me. thats when I can say that my switch is  allmost complete and any transactinal attachment to India is mostly parents.  I am  allready part of a wider society that includes most races in my choosen country. I can extrapolate based on others in society that After reasons for transactional attachement is over, Only thing left with India is emotional   Emotions with India is part of my genepool and  will stay generation after generations of mine (For example third-4th gen Indians in UK immigrated from Africa or Jamaica prodly donne Indian Cricket T Shirt and go gaga over Indian culture and social values  ),

 

To simply put: Our home, our nation is UK, I belong to and will think and work in interest of UK but  Bharat se khoon ka nata  hai (We have blood relationship with India) .

 

PS: If its any easier, Each time I visit India or any other country, Not till my flight lands In UK my brain starts normal functioning and I am comfotable at what I am doing and should be doing

Edited August 26, 2022 by mishra

[gattaca]

Texas has been changing lot of Indians moved there for community, weather. Now these hate crimes increased. Few years ago there was a hate mail telling Indians to go back and a kid got choked and now this.

[kepler37b]

In spite of all the flaws, current western societies have an excellent culture of meritocracy, when compared to India.  There is a sense of cooperation and collaboration in those societies which is NOT seen in Bharat for centuries.  

 

The best hope i see for india is the strong and growing hindutva movement which will inculcate a sense of One-ness in people across the country. Viva Hindutva!!!

[Number]

Very common for people to miss India after a few years abroad. Many do move back but then they miss the way life is in those developed countries and start hating corruption, backwardness, hideous and unhygienic public places and digged roads.

All in all I would say that racism at least in US/Canada isn't that big an issue to move back.

If you miss your family and friends then you can give it a thought. It is a matter of choosing between comfort of being with your friends and family or comfort of quality life 

 

[sandeep]

Extrapolating from random incidents is almost always misleading.  

 

But there's a deeper question that OP is asking - the reality of lived experiences everywhere is that they are subjective, and anecdotal.  No two are alike, and even when some experiences may be similar, how they are perceived and what emotional reaction they generate, can vary.  

 

From my perspective, as someone who has spent more years outside India than in it, I can honestly say that yes, the place where I live is 'home'.  But having said that, there are going to be times where you will feel a sense of 'other' ness.  Its up to the individual how often that is.  But on the flip side, the reality is also this - when I do get the opportunity to go back "home", there are times where I feel a similar yet different, 'other' ness in my country of origin as well.  

 

The human mind is wired and programmed to resort to tribalism.  And this tribalism works in a variety of ways.  Of course I identify with Indians and folks from the sub-continent a lot more than "others".  But there are times when I'm traveling, and just as easily cluster into a New Jersey / New York area 'tribe', or an "American" tribe when traveling internationally.  It all depends on the context.

 

There is a sense of displacement that is a permanent companion for immigrants.  Dhobee ka kutta, na idhar kaa, na udhar ka.  That's how I would say many folks who move away from India feel - especially those who moved away from India earlier in their lives.  

 

 

Edited August 26, 2022 by sandeep
apparently forum software forcibly edits 'Dhoni' to Dhoni - wth!? :D

[sandeep]

7 minutes ago, Number said:

All in all I would say that racism at least in US/Canada isn't that big an issue to move back.

Bias is a artefact of the human brain's programming wired for categorizing information.  And exists everywhere.  But US/Canada is one of the more meritocratic and open minded societies on the planet.  

[bharathh]

5 minutes ago, sandeep said:

Bias is a artefact of the human brain's programming wired for categorizing information.  And exists everywhere.  But US/Canada is one of the more meritocratic and open minded societies on the planet.  

That would depend on where you stay in the US. I don't know about Canada - but the Southern belt is not a good example for what you are stating. Neither is the midwest. Even in New England and California - there is a fair bit of tribalism in non-IT fields. Academia is a good place to see the bias where tons of non-Americans struggle to make it up the totem pole of education. I have seen many of my friends who were Phds and doctoral students give up trying to get teaching jobs at good schools and had to settle for less despite their contributions to their fields. Same with doctors. Unless you are willing to live in the middle of nowhere for a while it is almost impossible for you to get a residency at a good hospital. 

[ravishingravi]

1 hour ago, Clarke said:

 

Sounds more like convenient justification to me. A lot of them have some Spanish ancestry but there is no longing there. 

 

It is convenient. Indeed. Otherwise if one goes to the roots of this land, literally everyone is migrant. Natives have been eroded. 

 

This angst against Indians is not a surprise. We are everywhere and usually successful. We are increasingly comfortable in our skin. That Indian lady in the video could very well be from Delhi. But she was confident of who she is and what she can do. 

 

In white man's world we will always be the other. Their fault lines will evaporate when brown person shows confidence. Especially when we are successful.

 

Hispanic community is perfect example of this. In this victim heirarchy Indians will struggle to find their rightful place. As long as we are independent and successful even Afro will call us outsiders. 

[coffee_rules]

4 minutes ago, bharathh said:

That would depend on where you stay in the US. I don't know about Canada - but the Southern belt is not a good example for what you are stating. Neither is the midwest. Even in New England and California - there is a fair bit of tribalism in non-IT fields. Academia is a good place to see the bias where tons of non-Americans struggle to make it up the totem pole of education. I have seen many of my friends who were Phds and doctoral students give up trying to get teaching jobs at good schools and had to settle for less despite their contributions to their fields. Same with doctors. Unless you are willing to live in the middle of nowhere for a while it is almost impossible for you to get a residency at a good hospital. 

You can’t generalize based on a few experiences. I have lived half my life here now (briefly for 2 years in India), known many in the southern belt, Midwest in non-IT fields, making it happen perfectly well. Merit is king here, it is tough to get a break in academia/tenure unless you are super good, like @BacktoCricaddict

 

About OP, yes for me living in India, I didn’t miss any of the comforts that I had here, but I am not alone, have to make some sacrifices for kids future. For all these years, I never felt like going back because of some odd racist hate mongers. I have made peace and call this my home I make up for missing India by doing a lot of activism / charity work that helps India indirectly. Will probably retire in India and die there!